Why don’t I feel comfortable around other parents?

[Wonderingmama123]

New mum here, first time posting. I am at the toddler stage, I have met a few other mums around where I live, we swapped numbers, did a couple of play dates, etc., they are genuinely lovely people but I I feel all this like such a chore, I don’t enjoy it most of the time.
For context, I work full time, long commute, most of the time I just want an idle weekend with my kid and my partner, but I feel that I have to make the effort socialising for the sake of my kid. How do I make this better or more enjoyable, any advise please?

Your life sounds fine OP. Children don’t have friends at this age. They are socialized by going to nursery and being around other kids, which you are doing. Kid will make his own friends when he is older.

I don't socialise with other mums unless they were already my friends! I only have a limited amount of time and/or desire to be sociable and I save that for my actual friends rather than people who happen to have children at the same time as me. DS is fine, totally sociable but also likes hangjng out just with us or with my friends.

Do what works for you. I have a large group of about 20 mum friends on a WhatsApp group. We meet up all the time (in varying numbers) with and without kids. But I took 2 years off work when I had my child and then went back to work part time so I like having people to meet up with regularly with similar aged children. Not a week goes by where I don't see at least a few of them and we all chat on WhatsApp. It's been a lifeline.

Makes sense you don't have any battery left for socialising if you work full time. Presumably your child is socialising at nursery while you're at work so why does he need more at the weekend? Would think there would be nothing better than time alone with mum and dad 🤷🏼‍♀️ you do you

Honestly, there's no real need for playdates before primary school, by which time your child will be a bit less exhausting. Enjoy your weekends with your partner and kid.

Have to say I disagree with this. As I said above, OP should just do whatever suits her and not worry about it.

But, my son is turning 3 in a few months and since he could talk he has asked to see his friends that we've made through playgroups. This was before starting nursery at 2 years old. He has particular friends that he'll ask for if we've not seen them in a few days. He has a photo album that he looks through and talks about who's in the photos and what they are doing. He asks "can we go to X place with so-and-so tomorrow? Can you ask so-and-so's mummy?" He likes to talk about previous days out with friends and is always genuinely concerned if he sees a friend upset.

Thanks for the replies, I should have said that he doesn’t go to nursery yet, he starts in Sep, when he turns 3, he’s been at home with his dad after my mat leave ended, economically it made sense to push back the nursery until we get the free hours, hence my efforts (and I think my guilt of not enjoying it more) to spend time with other kids and parents. Havin said that, I agree with the above poster that I have very limited time, and literally no desire or energy to make new friends. All my long term friends have older kids now.

Can't/Does he go to playgroup in the week with his Dad?

They tried a couple of playgroups a few months ago but it didn’t click with DS at the time, perhaps they should try again as he’s vastly different now in his perception of things. His dad feels awkward going to these groups though as he’s mostly the odd one out.

Personally I've never felt the need to socialise or do play dates even as a sahm. My dc have never asked to see their friends outside of the activity they see them at (nursery, playgroup, school etc). They are happiest spending weekends with DH and each other, we do days out as a family and they look forward to them. I wouldn't want to meet up with other dc at weekends as it would mess up our weekend plans (often booked months in advance). Do whatever suits you and your family OP. I think as long as they have plenty of activities in family friendly places that gives them more than enough socialisation.

Wow where did you find them? Whereabouts do you live? I've struggled to find mum's friends, thought it might be a city thing since I'm in London.

@Danini

Scotland. Small town the total opposite of London. It's a real shame that where there are more people, the harder it is to meet anyone.

This week 12 of us met up in the park one day with the kids and took a picnic, another day I took my kid for a coffee morning play date at another mum's house, I know about 5 met up to take the kids swimming another day which I didn't go to, and another group of 4 or 5 had the kids in the woods. We share photos on the WhatsApp group of what we've all been up to. Next week we've another play date lined up and there will be plenty of spontaneous little trips to cafés, parks etc.