Toddler not sitting for meals

[gentlemum]

My 2 year old still uses his high chair for meals but he's never loved it and lately has been taking his arms out the straps and trying to climb out or twist round. It's also a battle getting him into it and he often won't eat as he's constantly facing backwards in it. He's a fussy eater anyway but that's another issue! He's got a little table and chairs and tried to get him to sit there and he's also asked to sit at the big table so we've done that and he's asked to sit on our laps so tried that but for all of those times he just gets up and starts walking around or asking to play. He won't eat when walking around but I don't think he should be anyway. I don't want to use bribes like screen time or similar to get him to stay sitting. We've tried that sort of thing before but he still doesn't eat and just demands books or similar. Has anyone experienced similar or got any suggestions?

I think this is fairly typical toddler behaviour as their attention span is so short.
I can sometimes get him to sit for longer if I sit on one of the little chairs with him at the table. Not that comfy though!

We have the Stokke Tripp Trapp chair and when he says he's finished he goes off to play but knows that we stay until we're finished and that there won't be anymore food after dinner.

Do that enough times and they stay to eat however much they need. He doesn't have to stay seated as long as we do as we often sit and chat after our dinner. When we are done I'll let him know this is his chance for a yogurt or piece of fruit before it's "kitchen closed". We do that now because he eats reliably well.

I'm a bit more relaxed about it than the above posters. When my DC went through this phase I would let them get up and wander around for a bit, but I wouldn't clear their plate immediately so they would get the opportunity to come back and eat more a bit later. Eventually it would be mealtime over.

However I did have rules around no screens at the table, no eating while wandering around, no bribing / begging to make them eat. Bringing a book or small toy to the table was fine.

Thank you for the replies. I think the problem we have as well is he just has very little interest in food. So if I was to say ok you can get down but no more food he literally would not care in the slightest and would happily go without food. Breakfast is the best meal of the day but lunch and especially dinner he is not interested in. I do want to avoid the meltdowns by forcing him to stay sitting but I also feel worried about him not eating.

@gentlemum Do you sit for meals at the same time as him or is he eating separately?

When DS wasn’t up for being in a high chair we bought the Hauck Alpha + chair. It’s similar to the Tripp Trapp but much cheaper. It means he’s comfortably sitting at the big table with us. We have a “we only eat at the table” rule which we all follow so there’s no wandering around eating. Occasionally DS will ask for a book at the table which I don’t mind but he knows that DH or I will read it when we’ve finished our meal.

I second the Stokke Tripp Trapp, or there are cheaper versions that are very good like the Hauck one and others. Use it without the baby attachment and he’ll probably be a lot happier up and the table. You’ll get so much use out of it. My eldest still uses it at 8.

@gentlemum this is really common. A lot of toddlers go through a fussy stage and don't seem to be eating much. I know it's worrying, but honestly the best way of dealing with it is to provide him with a variety of good food and try not to stress too much.

Really common for them to load up most of their calories in the morning and want less to eat as the day goes on. Their appetites go up and down with growth spurts.

Don't stress about it. I would get him a chair like a Tripp Trapp as he's wanting more independence now and doesn't want to be strapped in like a baby. Then serve food as a family and let him eat what he wants to eat. If he refuses dinner entirely I would offer a banana and cup of milk before bed but nothing else. He'll be fine.

Yes we're always at the table sitting with him, he just loves playing and hates anything that stops it! We previously got into a situation where he would only eat if we were reading books so now steer clear of them. I'll have a look at that chair, thank you

@AppleCream @Yourethebeerthief thank you, I definitely stress and worry too much about his eating. He's not underweight or anything and has a multivitamin so I do know he is fine, it's just a thing that always stressed me out. But I guess that's my issue to work on!

Hi OP

I think 2 is very young to be thinking they would manage to sit at the table for a whole meal, particularly if your LO is not so interested in food. I work in child development and even for an engaging activity you would expect a 2 year old to be able to attend for 2-4 minutes so much less for something that they are less bothered about.

My toddler is also not so interested in food and the best thing I’ve done is to avoid anything that I do to try and control mealtimes, as this pushed him in to a corner and he eats less. There’s a huge correlation between me pushing him to try something/ to sit with us/ to stay seated/ to eat a bit more and his refusal to eat /increased picky eating. He’s much more interested in eating if I genuinely just offer and leave him to do as he pleases. I always have crackers to offer later if he doesn’t eat anything and he always has a nutritious breakfast (his good meal) and eats well at nursery, so I know he is eating enough and has enough variety for me to let it go a bit. I’m focussing more on developing a healthy and happy relationship to mealtimes and food rather than getting him to conform to what I want him to do- it’s been quite hard to switch my mindset but it’s really paying off. For wanting to leave the table I let him leave and he knows that he can come back to his plate if he wants to have some more, but I try to encourage him to eat at the table. If he were 4 I would maybe react differently but he’s only 2 so what should I be expecting of him really. We’ve actually been able to build up the amount of time he will stay for by reducing the demands we were placing on him.

Are you sitting at the table and eating at the same time?

I don't think 2 is too young to sit for a quick meal. I wouldn't expect a child of that age to get up and wander around a restaurant because they're allowed to do the same at home.

I echo earlier posters who talk to their child and explain that leaving the table signals that they've finished and won't be getting any more food. They'll learn soon enough. And continue to load him up at breakfast- I think that's a good idea.

Thank you, i think you're absolutely right. Definitely the more pressure we put on him the more he resists and the fussiness increases. We also offer crackers if he doesn't eat but have been giving those whilst still at the high chair, I wonder if they'd be better later on if he's still hungry..

We can't even go to a restaurant or cafe because he won't sit down. It's not a case of he's allowed to, it's very hard to stop him if he's not strapped in somewhere. Being strapped in triggers a meltdown and trying to get him to sit on a chair triggers a meltdown. As he doesn't care about food using that as consequence is meaningless for him.

@gentlemum

You need to train him at home and at cafes and restaurants. But you need to meet his needs first.

My son is approaching 3 and is good in cafes now but we had to work at it. He needs at least an hour running about in a park or something like that before eating out somewhere. In the cafe or restaurant I would have some magazines/sticker books/ little tins of interesting things for him to play with. We'd get a meal, no starters or puddings and make sure they brought a cup of milk to the table asap for him to have while we were waiting. I would also bring something fiddly for him to pick at if need be like raisins, little cubes of cheese etc to keep him occupied.

When mine gets down from the table I place him back on his seat until he's finished. I don't make him finish the food, but he must eat a "reasonable amount" - up to you to decide what this looks like.

Mine is into counting atm, so often it's a case of "have 5 (or 2, or 4 or whatever) more bites/big drinks and then you can get down" and then you help him count. Bonus points for funny voices and long-drawn out numbers.

2 might be a bit young for this, but physically placing him back at the table every time he gets up will do the trick. Eventually 😬

My DD was quite similar to this & we now know she is ND but my approach is similar to @Babysittingmum. I’ve always been quite relaxed about meal times anyway & my DP is a grazer. It’s not something I wanted to make in to a battle as it’s too stressful. My DD is now 6 & eats quite a good range of foods considering she’s autistic. Sometimes she eats with us & sometimes she doesn’t. It doesn’t bother me if she eats somewhere other than the table. I do know this is a non negotiable for some but we didn’t always eat at the table when I was growing up & we are close family & all have a good relationship with food.

You think his not interested but he may surprise you if you take the food away when he leaves the table and literally offer nothing till next meal time !