Potty training

[howinthehell]

Son will be 3 in October. He understands what the potty is for, chats about it, enjoys talking about it and roleplaying his teddies using the potty and getting wiped. We read books about it. He has done a few pees in the potty but has had more accidents.

He cannot tell me when he needs to go, he just pees on the floor and any success we've had has purely been down to me knowing when he's likely to need and noticing he's tugging at his trousers so I sit him on the potty and encourage him. He holds and holds for a long time sitting there as he's struggling to let go. It's honestly mind numbing.

Anyone else had this sort of struggle potty training? He's still in nappies out of the house as I honestly don't think I'd catch him in time when we're out and about. I feel like he needs to crack the concept of letting go on the potty at home first before we can do it out and about. We don't have a garden so being stuck at home would be torture.

Although does not apply to us (both me and my DH were EC'd at 4-6 months old, and we EC'd our DC from birth), but at 3yo I would seek professional help. This may or may not be psychological for him, and I've heard boys generally make a bit more mess, which is normal. Try to bring a few of his favourite toys near potty, so he can relax a little more?

He doesn’t need professional help! He isn’t even 3 until October! OP he just needs you to commit, say no more nappies, stay home for 3-4 days to crack it then close to home for the rest of the week e.g. wait for a wee on the potty then off to the playground with the travel potty plus spare pants and stay out for max an hour. Yes it’s annoying in a flat without a garden, that was us with DD1, but needs must and I would suggest getting some new toys for that week so that staying in doesn’t seem like quite so much of a chore. Give him a proper chance and I’m sure he can do it!

The new thinking around training….called potty learning advocates starting as early as 6 months….and definitely not waiting for signs of readiness ( my colleague went on a course through work with Eric)

What the fuck with the suggestion of professional help! That's a complete overreaction and a batshit suggestion!

He's not even 3 yet. As a previous poster said you honestly just need to commit to it and preserve. The chopping and changing of sometimes using it and sometimes using a nappy could be delaying things slightly but he sounds more than ready for you to crack on.

Continence service won’t even consider a referral until 4years in my area

Professional help? Don't be ridiculous!

He's three, plenty old enough but nowhere near the stage where it's a problem.

I recommend the method I and my friends used back in the mid-90s. We always went for it between 2 and 2.5 because small children are usually still in the 'want to please you' phase then.

Stay at home for a week, leave him naked from the waist down, and concentrate on doing just this for the week. Watch him like a hawk, you'll soon spot the signs, and get him to sit on the potty. Distract him when he's sitting, make him laugh so he'll let go. Praise lots, no negativity whatsoever. Even if he has an accident, praise him and tell him he almost got there on time. Bribe if you have to, though it doesn't work for every child and you might not feel comfortable doing so. The first few days might seem impossible, but by day four or five it'll start to click. At three he might get it within a couple of days.

Actually, thinking about it - at three he might feel more comfortable using the toilet with a child seat and a step stool, a potty might be too small. My boys loved the trick where you put a table tennis ball into the loo and aim at it while standing up. I got their dad to teach them that one!

So with my 4 - I never used a potty. Just a toilet seat over the normal one with a step. (It cuts the transition out.)

I know you don’t want to be stuck indoors. But if you could sacrifice a few days with him going bottomless those days; and asking if he feels the need to go. (Still go even if he says no) …it’s just to get him to have a think and sense if he needs to go.)

Start with no nappies at home. (Nothing wrong with pull ups outdoors at this stage).

This is so beyond ridiculous that I won't dignify it with a response other than to say of course he has toys and books with him at the potty to distract and relax him.

As to the other helpful responses so far on this thread, thank you. I'll respond later once my little boy is in bed.

Ignore professional help comments. He doesn't sound ready, plain and simple. Keep talking about the potty and using it when he wants but I'd take the pressure off and come back to it in a couple months.

Professional help! He's not even 3!
Sounds like he's making quite good progress actually. Don't worry for a while yet. As soon as you think he is showing signs he's capable of really getting the hang on it try and dedicate a week to it even if that means a week off work, put him in pants in the day no switching between pants and nappies (or pull ups) and hopefully you'll crack it!

My ds is the exact same age and I'm having the same issue although mine hasn't yet been successful on the potty. He holds on until he wets himself. He will sit on the potty and we've bought him a little froggy seat for the toilet too but it's not clicking with him yet. He starts preschool in September so I really need to get him trained in the next few weeks. I found with my older dcs that it takes about 2 weeks straight once they have the hang of actually going on the potty/toilet but I never had this issue before with them .

Oh crap method has kid with bare bum at home, crack that then move onto loose trousers (no pants, crack that then move onto going outdoors, build up to pants, trousers, outdoors.

It's a pain but needs to be done. I'd get him to help with clear up when he wets, not in a shamey way but so he associates it with not being able to play.

Thanks ☺️

I don't know what it would look like to wait until he's ready tbh. For the next month I have the time to dedicate to it and then I'm back to work and it would be much harder and more stressful for me to tackle.

He understands everything, I think he's just used to peeing standing up and struggles to let go on the potty.

I would love one of those seats with steps up but our bathroom is too tiny to fit it in.

At the moment he's bottomless at home but a pull up nappy out and about. Do you think this is ok or just prolonging things?

In finding it difficult. He's having to spend long periods of time on the potty just in order to let go and pee which I'm not happy about but I feel like he needs to click the feeling of letting go

Our bathroom doesn’t fit the seat/steps combo either but a standard ikea step stool and a separate toilet seat that can be placed on/off as needed works just as well and allows for stand up peeing. If now is a good time with work etc then may as well give it a proper try for a week, especially as it sounds like he’s already making progress. I don’t see any reason why he wouldn’t be ready, most kids are by 2.5 and waiting until over 3 can cause its own issues because they can become really, really stubborn. But ditch the pull ups- by using them you’re inadvertently telling him that you don’t think he can do it and also that the potty is entirely optional.

I found the oh crap book incredibly helpful giving you a structure to potty training and also useful language. In terms of being stuck at home with them and it being torture, it kind of is, but it’s a necessary stage to support them in something they need to learn. I found potty training pretty much the worst aspect of the early years and it required levels of patience and being relaxed about it all that required me to really dig deep. But the pants off few days at home and really learning their cues helped a lot with my third child and I wished I’d had the book when helping my second.

Yes digging deep really sums it up. I'm also having to be a bit firm and matter of fact sometimes, as being all sweetness and light is only getting me so far.

Some success tonight though as he peed in the potty before bed.

Don’t worry about getting a seat with a step up to the toilet - just a bog standard kids step to place at front of the toilet will do.

I think it’s fine to start off just using the toilet indoors first - then progressing (outdoors)when he’s no longer having (many) accidents at home.

How has it gone since OP? We have had some success today, I'm so happy. Decided to put the potty out in the playhouse in the garden and he went on it, wohoo! Hopefully we're on the right road now 🙏

Hi, we've decided to pause for now as he was not making the leap from being put on the potty to going himself. He was doing really well but entirely reliant on me noticing cues and sitting him on it, and then a huge amount of effort and encouragement. Eventually he told us he didn't want to use the potty anymore so we've put it on hold as it's not worth the stress. He's still talking about it all and role plays so I think we're going to wait for him to make that leap himself.

Well done your little boy! That's the stage I'm hoping he'll come to by himself- sitting on it of his own accord.

Aw hopefully your ds will be ready to try again soon. It must be so scary for them being under this pressure to go all the time when they are used to the security of a nappy!
I actually promised him a treat if he sat on the potty 🙈 I wasn't expecting him to actually go but I'm so relieved that he has "got" it now as such and hopefully he'll continue to gain confidence. I'm expecting and ready for lots of accidents though 🤗 Best of luck to your ds.