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Parenting

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Original poster

Should I Iet my 4yo play at the front of our house?

25 replies

Haylstones · 13/04/2008 19:14

My 4yo dd is very mature and responsible for her age and I've recently let her play outside a few times with 2 8yo girls from across the road. We live in a very quiet cul de sac with little traffic and we also live near the end of it so even less traffic.
DD knows the rules, i.e there are 2 points she mustn't pass and she can't cross the road (and she does stick to this- the 2 girls are also aware and stick to it when playing with her). They mainly play at the end of our drive/pavement outside our house dancing/cheerleading, playing babies or chatting. I either potter in the garden, popping in and out or stand by the front window watching her the whole time.
Is it irresponsible to do thid iyo? On paper I'm uncomfortable with it but in reality it feels ok .
Please don't lynch me

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Original poster

Haylstones · 13/04/2008 19:14

That is 2x 8yo girls not 2.8 yo girls!

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littlelapin · 13/04/2008 19:15

This reply has been deleted

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hercules1 · 13/04/2008 19:16

I wouldnt do it with dd (4). We each have our own comfort zones though.

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NotABanana · 13/04/2008 19:16

I wouldn't do it but it isn't my child.

PuppyMonkey · 13/04/2008 19:17

Can't they all just come and play in your garden instead of in the street? Just seems a bit safer to me..

Original poster

Haylstones · 13/04/2008 19:17

Hmmm, not sure! Think if anybody else said they let their 4yo play out I'd be uncomfortable with it and it seems a bit young but it feels ok in this instance... Just thought maybe my judgement was clouded because it was my dd and I'm overestimating her maturity
I'm not making much sense am I?

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NotABanana · 13/04/2008 19:19

Most 4 year olds are not very mature when it comes to running after their ball that has run in the road and they run after it.

SniffyHock · 13/04/2008 19:19

A good friend of mine has a 5 yr old girl and lets her do the same - she's fine with it. At that age we played out all day and there are no more risks these day other than increased traffic. If you're not worried about that (as it's a quiet street) then I'd say it's fine - you know your daughter.

fordfiesta · 13/04/2008 19:19

It puts a lot of responsibility on the older childrens shoulders..... am not sure i would do it but then i think i will still be asking my ds what time he will be home when he is married with his own children so probably am not the best person to comment!?!

Original poster

Haylstones · 13/04/2008 19:20

They often do play in our garden but only the front, which isn't fenced off from the street anyway. they mostly play at the end of our drive or the pavement right outide the drive so feels pretty safe

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Slubberdegullion · 13/04/2008 19:20

If you trust your dd to follow your rules (only you will know if she will follow them all of the time or only most of the time, depending on distractions), and if you are readily available (ie front door open and you are popping out or looking out of your window fairly frequently) then I think it sounds OK.

I know how you feel about feeling uncomfortable on paper vs in reality.

TsarChasm · 13/04/2008 19:22

I wouldn't and I agree it's shifting responsibilty over to the 8 yr olds to watch your child. But that's just me. Lots of my neighbours have done it over the years, so I suppose everyone has a different view.

Original poster

Haylstones · 13/04/2008 19:22

DD waved her arms about the other day and ger bracelet fell off onto the road. She shouted on me to come and get it because she knew not to go on the road (I was watching- she's only unsupervised for seconds at a time)

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lulumama · 13/04/2008 19:23

nope, 4 year olds have no road sense, they see a cat across the road and they bolt without thinking

8 year olds are not old enough, IMO to look after a 4 year old, outside on the road, where there is danger from cars

Original poster

Haylstones · 13/04/2008 19:24

I don't ask the 8yos to be responsible for her, they just play together with me watching.

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nell12 · 13/04/2008 19:24

We have a huge grassy area in front of our house, with hardly any traffic, but always stay out with dd and will not let her out unattended until she is at least 6.

I am more worried about who is out there rather than whether my dd will remember rules to stay away from the road etc.

hercules1 · 13/04/2008 19:24

Thinking about this- if my 12 year old ds was outside and another parent of a 4 year old had this sort of expectation of him even though they were around for him to be 'responsible' (I know not completely) then I wouldnt be happy.

expatinscotland · 13/04/2008 19:26

We have a gate that closes and a high hedge, so I feel okay with DD1 being out n front.

Original poster

Haylstones · 13/04/2008 19:29

i really don't have any expectations of the girls. if they want to play with her they know where she is allowed to play and can choose whether or not to do the same. She's my responsibility, which is why I watch her! If they want to play elsewhere they do so.

OP posts:

NotABanana · 13/04/2008 19:29

A neighbour let her year one child play out the other day unsupervised. DH and I were out with ours and we did watch him but felt a bit awkward when we wanted to go in.

Original poster

Haylstones · 13/04/2008 19:33

I guess it's getting the balance between allowing her some independence and watching her every move. I thought I had that balance but maybe not, think I need to mull over it a bit. Still, at least it's helping us keep on top of the gardening as it gives us something to do while she's out!

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Fillyjonk · 13/04/2008 19:38

so you live on a quiet road

you are watching her

she is with 2 other kids who are older and aren't going to themselves tell her to run into the road?

I am in similar circumstances, except the older kids. I would let ds play out (he is 4). In fact, he does occasionally.

He has a lot of road sense, and won't go out into the road unaccompanied. though even if he did, we have almost no traffic, and the little there is is going very slow-we are effectively at the end of a cul de sac also.

pootleflump · 13/04/2008 19:48

I do the same thing with my dd and she's only 3.6. We're in the country, in a cul-de-sac with our own grassed area & play park off the road. The only cars that come into our street are the people who live here + their friends and family & everyone is very aware of the fact all the children are always playing out.

There are only 14 houses and the only way in is by road- we are totally enclosed.

If you have the opportunity to do so, let your dc play out - it's quite a rare luxury to live somewhere you can safely do this.

The kids in our street range from 2-9 and they all play together beautifully.

frankiesbestfriend · 13/04/2008 21:44

Very similar to my street- quiet cul de sac etc. Dd been playing out since 5 and a half, we have given her strict boundaries, and there are 4 sets of parents on street all keeping an eye out.

She is now 7 and has never broken the rules we have given her.

I think that playing out with their friends is a big part of growing up, and placing a little trust in them and allowing a modicum of independence is good for them.

Not sure about 4yo, though. Maybe a little young just yet?

Hulababy · 13/04/2008 21:50

If you are supervising her - watching her - can't see the problem, which it seems you are anyway.

I wouldn't persnally let a 4y play out without an adult supervising though.

I live on a cul-de-sac but I have seen the way some cars come round the corner onto the street. Some adults just don't look or drive slowly enough on such roads.

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