How on earth do parents do it? Overwhelmed new Smum!

[newmumma32]

I am a fairly new step mum to DHs DS 6 and we have a 6 month old together, it's early days for the summer holidays and feeling overwhelmed of how parents do it, we have DSS 50/50 so I shouldn't be struggling already surely!

How do you keep an older child entertained whilst looking after a clingy baby, without spending an absolute fortune and not sticking them in front of the TV.

Today we had playing and football in the garden with a friend, painting, colouring, swimming lessons, auntie came over for a few hours to entertain but still he was bored at times! Any advice please!

And before anyone asks DH is working full time and home at 5pmish and as I'm on mat leave the childcare on our days will mainly fall to me. He has a week booked off so far for hopefully a last minute holiday the four of us. TIA

if he works full time what would be his childcare options if not for you?

It's difficult age gap. When my dcs were around 6yrs we used to physically exhaust them - taking them out morning and afternoon, often to parks, and lots of walking (we didn't have a car). Then early evening they could be more sedentary. But there are only two years between them so they played together.
I think in your situation I'd try to take the same approach, carting the baby round with you while focusing on dss. At 6 months babies are at least portable.
Good luck.

It doesn't harm them to be bored and then learn to amuse themselves.

@Neodymium it's a bit complicated however the 50/50 split is a fairly new arrangement after a struggle to get something in place, however before OH was self employed so juggled work to work around when he had DSS

@impossible this is true, their needs are so different at this age it's definitely tricky. Even trying to feed the baby can be a bit stressful when DSS needs or wants something at the same time and he wants to be more involved, which is lovely, but is hard as he doesn't seem to quite understand how careful he needs to be!

When my children (4&6) tell me they're bored, I use all my strength to NOT say only boring people get bored...but I do make.it very clear that I don't care if they're bored, it's not my job to entertain them. Give him some books, stickers, a swing ball for the garden and let him come up with his own entertainment.

“How do you keep an older child entertained whilst looking after a clingy baby, without spending an absolute fortune and not sticking them in front of the TV.”

You don’t. They have to learn to entertain themselves. It is an important life skill. You’d be doing him a favour.

I think it is a balance between planning activities and outings and also having chill time at home and in the garden etc... they do need to learn independent play, reading etc.

It’s tough - 5 year old and 18 month here

i try to occupy 5 year old but she does also need to occupy herself sometimes too

i try not to feel guilty

i had 7 years difference with my 2 boys, and it seemed the only things i could do with them both were swimming and the park. perhaps he has a best friend you could ask round and take them all to the park for a game of football, and a picnic, baby would be happy on the blanket.

It's absolutely OK for them to be bored. It leads to creativity and self reliance.

Let me guess, he didn't want to pay maintenance and so has defaulted to you as his live in nanny!

It's tough OP, but it's okay for kids to be bored sometimes and go and entertain themselves.

As PP said, it's fine for him to be bored sometimes. You are not his entertainer. I'd suggest stuff like: Build an amazing Lego house for your cuddly/action figure to live in. Then if that occupies him for an hour, he can have an ice cream or watch a bit of TV.

Get a paddling pool and a friend of his to come over. Hours of fun, no mess, as water evaporates. When they are done, dry off and watch a film.

A child of six can go into summer camp daytime programmes. He'd rather do that and be playing with kids his own age than stuck with a baby and step mum.

I used to structure the days with a visit to a different playpark or country park or woodland for as long as possible, a picnic outside (less mess) if weather was okay then do some errands and come home for a film, dinner, bath, story, bed.

It is exhausting. Try to meet up with friends, and do swaps with his friends' parents: you take their kid for half a day; they take him for half a day.

@MotherofChaosandDestruction they always just had an arrangement between themselves and he still does pay maintenance to help mum out even though here 50/50. When he's at home he takes on most of the childcare, just me being on mat leave helps for the school holidays this year.

Thanks all that's really helpful. We did get a paddling pool so fingers crossed the weather cheers up! Maybe some more books here and a big box of Lego would be helpful. Swimming is a good idea and there is a little park nearby. I know it all sounds very much common sense, just felt very overwhelming with how exhausting it is!

It's so hard. 4 year old here and 8 month old. I have discovered that I cannot both entertain DD and keep house tidy while baby naps. So prioritise playing with DD during babies naps and cleaning in the evening between me and DH.

What about baking. I buy the cakes where you only need to add egg and water they are about £2 and DD likes to decorate. She's been doing this fairly successfully since she was around 3. I let her help if I'm making something like spag bol, casserole etc.

Get out every day it's dry. Are you in touch with any of his school friends mums. If there is a what's app group try and get added. We basically put in our group if we are going out and and least once a week we meet someone else at the park / soft play. I don't see much if DD during that time and she's so happy to see her friends.

Visit grandparents for the day. Extra hands are helpful.

Lots of places put events on for kids over the holidays. Libraries etc. Have a look what's going on locally x

If he's anything like my friend's 8yo they're like an energizer bunny on steroids, and need physical activity or they start climbing the walls. Maybe some people get children who like to sit and do colouring and crafting and read books, but my friends boys have to be taken out and exercised like dogs unless you want hyper activity in the house. I help do some childcare days for them, it's a mix of parents taking leave, me, his nan, etc. And summer holidays involve a mix of more routine days with trips to the local park, the library, local museum, baking at home, free activities, some further afield adventuring like trips to a castle or NT place, with more "exciting" (read: expensive) activities such as trampoline parks, climbing walls, funfair. Because it is the summer holidays it's nice to have fun, and six weeks is a long time.

It’s fine for them to not be entertained every minute

But usually with my 4 year old I aim to go out somewhere in the morning, back for lunch or picnic out, and then more relaxed afternoon locally. It’s helps break up the day. And not as full on as full days out (save those for weekends when your dh is around to help).

Ie yesterday took Ds out to a woodland water play, park area. Met friend with similar age children. Took picnic. We were out 9-2pm roughly. 2-6pm then Ds was tired enough to play in garden sandpit, watch a bit tv whilst I did some chores.

If your dh is back by 5pm he can also take 6 year old out for local scooter or bike walks or do bits in the garden.

Maybe try and fine 2-3 places nearish where you can walk with baby in pram or sling whilst older one plays. Are there any National trust places?

I think you should speak to his dad about getting some proper childcare for the holidays. It shouldn't just default to you just because you are on maternity leave. You are meant to be recovering and bonding with your new baby! One or two days is different but basically covering the whole summer holidays is going to be tough.

Even I had childcare for my eldest when I was on maternity with DC2!