My friend is a successful intelligent Lovely 55 year old woman. We had an extremely close relationship for five years which split over a year ago. We remained very good friends and we are both dating new partners.
she called me yesterday saying how low she is and I’m really worried about her and hoping that comments from you guys may make her realise what is happening.
She has a 14 year old son. Who I believe could have narcissism.
When I met her, her son was 7 years old He would sleep in her bed and everything Would revolve around his happiness. At the time I just thought she was an amazing mother, but I think this is come back to bite her. She would play banana grams chess draft cards with him Every minute he was with her. She would resent (to the Extreme when he would go to see his dad every other weekend and once a week on a Wednesday evening. While he was there when he was old enough to have a phone, she would message him and get really upset if he wasn’t messaging her throughout the entire day he was with his dad. his dad is a nice guy I always got on well with him. But she resented time away from her son.
He is a very bright child, but if He is not getting 100% of the attention he would get in a mood which he couldn’t snap out of the days sometimes.
We had an amazing relationship and we are very very close. I treated him like my own son and did all I could for him, teaching him to ski, teaching him woodwork doing woodwork together, making a desk for him him, helping us make kitchen units. helping him with his art homework, helping him when he was being bullied at school. Gosh, the list is endless everything we did when he was around was about him which was actually good fun. Until I would cuddle her as we were cooking together or hold her hand on the settee instantly he would look away and make it obvious that he was angry. She would try to talk to him about it and he would say why does he have to do that? She would talk to him and say don’t you want me to be happy and he said yes, of course I do, but why do you have to be so close all the time. He seemed extremely jealous of the attention. His mum was giving to me if we were cooking and having fun we would always say to him come and help us. It’s a good laugh but he just resented that.
In the end, his jealousy got so bad. And he became physically violent and would bully her, and would threaten every day that he will go to his dads, which he knew would just spiral her. This seem to me just a form of blackmail. As even at that age, he would have massive arguments with his dad’s new wife about the upbringing of their New child. And every time he came back from his dads, he would be complaining, which actually made my friend really happy because she didn’t want him to be happy at his dads.
After five years of watching her getting bullied physically and emotionally, I decided I couldn’t witness that anymore and decided to move out.
Shortly after I moved out, I got pages and pages of messages which were a log of everything he was saying to her. He stood over her chucked water over her, kicked her, then told her she has no fucking friends, she’s a fucking alcoholic, and how much bigger he is than her that evening she took an Overdose. I called an ambulance and luckily she was okay. The next morning, her son said shame your overdose didn’t work.
Over the past year, things have deteriorated massively. I have never seen him, but she often calls me in floods of tears, not knowing what to do. She refuses for anybody to see her son as anything other than perfect, so she will never admit what he does to her. He puts on an image of being the nicest child ever when he is with friends or family, but the minute she gets at home alone with him. He is vile, bullying her and abusing her. Something Else happened, and he said he was calling his dad to get him to pick him up as he wanted to go and move in with him (these are just threats to keep her in a low position I believe) That evening she took another overdose. The only time I have ever told him off was on the last day the day I actually moved out. He was shouting at both of us and I told him to stop loudly and I moved out there and then. He has her phone on track and he does not allow her to have any contact with me and accuses her constantly if she meets friends. I suggested that maybe she got him counselling which she did. However, she only told the counsellors that he was feeling down because he was being bullied at school. She never actually said and never has actually said to anybody the problems she is going through every day if her son left, which he threatens every day. I honestly believe that will be the end of her. The more she does to be nice to him. The more horrible he is becoming it is almost like a man keeping his girlfriend in a extremely controlled position by making her feel worthless to anybody else, taking away all her confidence so that she will only ever stay with him. The amount of things he has done is far too long for this message. He is the most controlling manipulative, jealous, selfish spoiled child I have ever seen in my life. Recently she called me up again in floods of tears, so I dropped everything and took my puppy round to introduce him to her, knowing her son was on holiday with his dad. That cheered her up briefly. She then called me and said she wants to get a puppy for herself as she is feeling so lonely and so down. I thought that is a great idea so I helped her research what puppies are available. She messaged her son to send him some pictures saying hey, I might go and get a puppy while he was on holiday. He wrote back and said “fuck off I have wanted a puppy for the past six months why are you doing it now? You are obviously with James or you are drunk” I am going to my dad’s, so I don’t care. He has then blocked her. He is currently in Greece for two weeks. She then has booked a camping trip in the UK, followed by a trip to the south of France with a load of friends so I know he will not be going to his dads because he has a real fear of missing out and he will be going on those holidays. I believe he is feeling as though he is not close enough to control her completely and keep track of what she’s doing even though she is afraid to turn off her iPhone tracking as he will go mad and accuse her of allsorts. I think he has I feel he has ramped up the abuse and threats, just to make her scared of doing anything that he has told her not to do just in case he finds out. I tried to explain to her that this is almost like somebody keeping a woman captive in a house, and the man has to go into hospital so cannot be there to keep her from leaving. So he threatens her that he is having the house watched and will know if she steps out that door and he will deal with her when he gets back (thinking a kind of Fritzel case scenario). This may seem extreme, but this is how it actually seems. I have never seen her son from the time I moved out and have no interest in seeing him, but he will not allow her to see me or talk to me even though I don’t see him I think his thought process is, if she sees him she could get back with him then her attention will be taken away from me again. I need to ensure that can never happen. Unfortunately she thinks that I am telling her these things because I don’t like her son, but it is a complete opposite. I am telling her because I am so worried about her as he will be the same if she meets anybody new. I am the most easy-going chilled out placid guy ever. I never argue.
I think part of the problem is is that I have a very broad knowledge, and he would get so angry. If his mum would say, why don’t you ask James to help you with your homework and he would resent the fact that I knew the answers to different things as he thought he should be the best in the world, like you’ve been told his entire life. I also feel that he was sent to me so much because I know the true him where as he knows, family and friends only see The mask he wears when in public. For your information, she has also undergone extensive counselling, but she spoke of Her heartbreak due to our splitting rather than the actual cause of our heartache, which is her son, because she wants to protect his image. I once suggested to her that she puts a dog camera in the house and say it’s for an insurance requirement and say that her brother Clive is watching the camera as well as that may well make him think twice about treating her so badly or physically abusing her if he knows that Clive could be watching at any point. Unfortunately, she never followed this suggestion. Unfortunately, since a suicide attempts, social services have been involved which have made the situation even worse as they basically say she has to do everything. Benny asks as he is hurting. No he has manipulated them. He locks her in her bedroom. Then bangs on the door all night, so she cannot sleep or rest.
He reported to social services during one of their meetings that he was listening at her door when she was on the phone late at night obviously having a very intimate conversation with a partner who she was trying to develop a relationship with. He described all the sex chat and social services said he should not be exposed to that she explained I was in my bedroom on my own talking to somebody, he shouldn’t been listening to the door. They said no, it’s your fault you shouldn’t be exposing him to that sort of detail. This was very late at night when he should’ve been asleep and she didn’t even know that he was listening at the door, but he was clearly checking who she was talking to possibly thinking it was me she was talking to. Anything he can do to get social services on his side by grassing her up. He does so that he has someone backing him to Give him more power . Hopefully you get the idea from this very long message. I’m very sorry but I welcome your comments so that I can show that it is him but he’s a problem. Not that she is a horrible worthless person and make her aware that he is trying to control her to the extreme.