Is this a terrible idea?

[Hyuko8h]

A nursery space in a fantastic nursery has just come through for my 18 month old DD. Problem is, the start date is just as her baby brother is due to be born. It's only for two days a week but I worry about what it'll mean for her in terms of stability, change and maybe jealousy?

She's an active child that loves to play so it'll do her the world of good. Will also give me time with new baby. What do you think?

As an aside, should I also be concerned about all the winter bugs she'll be getting for the first time and bringing around the newborn?

Personally I would go for it. A newborn and toddler is hard work so any help you can get use it. my kids went to a playgroup type thing a few days a week when they turned 2. It was great for them, their speech came on really well, their social skills improved, and they both loved it. Took a little while settling in with my second but after a few weeks he loved going. I also had a newborn each time they started (I have 3 they’re 1,3 and 5), and yes they got sick sometimes but nothing serious, they’re going to get sick no matter what.

I'd go for it if I were you. Good nursery places are hard to come by. Hopefully they can start settling in sessions asap so she'll start going before baby arrives.

if you can afford it then take the space as it may not come up again when if you go back to work.

Paint it up as something really exciting for her to go and have fun, so it's a special day for her rather than her feeling left out and it's her being pushed away when there's a new baby. But she will probably enjoy sometime away too. Getting winter bugs isn't a bad thing, since covid lock downs all the kids immune systems seem pretty poor where they weren't getting exposed it anything tbh

Thanks for all the replies. Really appreciate them.

I think we're almost entirely convinced we'll do it. The main worry for me now are all the germs she'll bring back. Looks like her little brother is going to be born quite small and so I know I'll just want to shield him from everything to begin with.

Do you plan to breastfeed? If so baby will get lots of antibodies that way.

You could try to minimise the illness by giving your toddler vitamins and sambucol for kids, won't avoid it entirely but might reduce it.

You could also consider giving her the chicken pox vaccine.

My 2nd was born in the 3rd centile, he is completely healthy, still small for his age but hasn’t had any health problems, he’s now 3. Unless there’s other concerns I would try not worry, easier said than done I know.

You could pay for the place and hold off sending her if your worried about germs

Personally I wouldn't start her in nursery if she's not been before just as your baby is about to born. Having had a baby with a toddler recently it was such a difficult adjustment for him and he really struggled. I did lots of reading before the baby was born and everything says avoid any other big changes when the baby is born. To the toddler it may look like they're being pushed out and the baby is now getting that one on one time with you that they used to get. The germs would also be a massive factor for me, she will definitely bring home lots of bugs and illnesses which is never good for a newborn.

Do it! It is probably the perfect time to start her, especially only a few days a week.

Send her. She will enjoy being able to actually interact with children somewhere, as she won't be able to do much with your newborn at home - not that she won't try or you won't try and include her, but she is a little young to understand how small he will be and how little he can do.

My eldest is 18mo and my youngest 3mo and the best thing I did was keep my eldest in nursery 3 mornings a week. Not only do I get one on one baby time that is still minimal compared to when I had my first, but I can also get more done without having to watch him around her! He tries, but when he gets frustrated that she can't play or she won't take his drink or I have to ask him to move away and stop "stroking" her head so hard, he sometimes lashes out and will hit one of us. It's exhausting.

As for the germs, from my personal experience let your newborn get exposed to a little something from the off. My son didn't get sick until his first week in nursery and that lasted for SEVEN weeks - one thing after another, I caught a few off him just as I was going back to work, oh and I was newly pregnant too so that really floored me. My 3mo has already had a chest infection and a cold, not as major as what my first brought home but relatively minor enough to deal with whilst still building her immune system.

Don't let a good place go! Great nurseries are hard to find!

Has she been to any playgroups or nurseries before? If not I wouldn't with that timing if you don't have to. Can you ask to stay on the waiting list for the next space instead? It's a huge upheaval having a newborn and there's absolutely the risk that the remaining days with you will be even harder work as she works through emotions. For reference I have exactly two years between my two so know what it's like. I just put baby in a carrier and chased my two year old around soft play as normal.

Book - this is a great book to read with her. I would go for it

Small doesn’t mean weak in any way at all, trust me! My DD is 10th centile, rarely been unwell and doesn’t struggle to keep up with her 7 year old brother at all! Both of mine are small and extremely fit and healthy.

You will find having her out from under your feet a couple of days a week much easier.

Tell her it's a special nursery where big sisters to go play. Germs I wouldn't worry about, my lo has always got everything as we are both teachers.

Totally understand your worry about germs, but just in case it’s reassuring: my wee one was born just before my other child started school. He got chicken pox at 10ish weeks and lots of colds in his first year (as well as a hospital admission with a high temp - basically the doctors put it down to ‘big brother has just started school’). He has since started nursery and, touch wood, has yet to bring home a nursery bug so I think that he really built his immune system that first year! Obviously it’s different for everyone but it was all okay here thankfully and if he was going to get ill I was glad it was while I was on mat leave and able to be with him.

I agree with this, having also gone through the same scenario within the last 12 months. My 2 year old DD clearly struggled when her baby brother was born - the change is massive for them and shouldn't be underestimated. My DD needed lots of reassurance and extra care and attention to cope with the addition of her brother. She wasn't in nursery when he was born (I am a SAHM), but instead she started going 2 days a week when he was 10 weeks old. Yes those first 10 weeks with a newborn and a toddler were incredibly difficult for me, but having seen how she was when he was born, and how much she needed to know she still had a place and a mum that loves her. there would've been no way I would've sent her away (which is how she would've perceived it). Absolutely send your eldest to nursery, but I would hold off even a month or two to allow for an understandable adjustment period.

If you don't need to put her in don't. 18 months is still a baby. Nurseries are big noisy and honestly staff time is literally eaten up dealing with issues. Support is very limited. I had 5 2 year olds in my group I work part time and 3 had specific needs and honestly the other two were left to their own devices. She will get much more from her mum. If parents are working I totally get it