Navigating single motherhood

[Whyyougottobeanonymous]

Hi all

wasnt Really sure what forum to post on. Just wanted some advice from those with the experience…

my DD is 9 months and her father left me when she was 6 months. I am currently living in our family home which I’m due to move out of next week as it’s now sold.

I have to move back home with my parents and 2 x younger brothers.

im hoping to go back to work soon but waiting for my previous manager to discuss the plan with me. I can only commit to 2 days a week and was then hoping to do some studying in the meantime - possibly AAT - to try and build a career for my and my DD.

I am fairly young - 28 - and I really have no idea where to start with navigating being a single parent living at home, with not much money.

I have always been fortune - as it was just me and ex-DP - where I’ve not had to worry too much about money. What do I even do with DD on my days off work that doesn’t involve spending because as far as I’m concerned everything costs an arm and a leg when you have a child.

I also have no idea what to do in my spare time when DD is with her father - which is every Saturday. At the moment I’ve been having a bit of fun and seeing an old FWB purely just for sex but obviously that will need to stop once back home with parents. Not that I ever bring him to my DDs home but I wouldn’t get away with going there at weekends once my parents are questioning my every move again.

I really have no idea how to navigate this whole world of being alone and also trying to raise a young baby and provide for them. What do I do on my mummy days off when I have no money to go out and about? How do I build a career at 28 for us? How do I ever get back to having my own home for me and DD? Theres just so many questions and worries.

does anyone have any advice / tips?

Just take one step at a time.

Settle back into your parents
Settle back into work, the come up with a plan for retraining. You will probably find this helps you fill in your free time too

Use the time when you child is with dad to make yourself stronger for the both of you. By this I meant physically, mentally and financially. I do pilates class once a week and it is good to have that regular time dedicated to me as a person not a mum, it's good for my body and my mind. Positive friendship groups and training to make your long term jobs and financially a bit more secure. Potentially extra work to allow you to afford your own place in the coming years.

My sister ended up moving back in with my parents in her early 30s with her preschooler. Her work had already announced the closure of her employment but immediately but she knew she was against a clock. Within a year she had moved jobs, started retraining and had moved into a home of her own. 10 years on, she has moved jobs a few times and financially independent. It's night and day compared to the person she was when she left her husband.

do you mind my asking why you have moved back into the family home? surely the childs dad has an obligation to keep a roof over yours and your babies head until the baby is 18?

you are 28, did you get any proceeds from the sale of the home your shared with you partner?

i became a single mum at 28 with a 3 year old and an 8 year old, i used money from the sale of the family home to rent a place which we moved into furnished with stuff from the old house.

i still worked part time, i admit mine were older than yours, but with benefits and housing allowance i most certainly was not on the bread line?

@Superscientist Thank you for your reply. You are right I should use those days to focus on me and becoming mentally and physically stronger for both me and my LO.
amazing to hear about your sister and how well she has done. They do say we are stronger without men… maybe I’ll learn that in time!

@thursdaymurderclub

I wouldn’t expect him to pay for the house for me and DD to live in. He wouldn’t do it anyway but more so if he did I wouldn’t be able to do what I want when I want - have friends over etc. It would always be half his and he would always have half a say. It’s best the house is sold.

sadly we have only lived in the home for 3 years meaning we have a huge mortgage left so the funds I will get won’t touch the sides - it may cover rent for a while but for me it’s just important that I can provide for my DD and not move her into rented accommodation that I may not be able to afford. It’s important for me to get back on my feet first. I appreciate this may sound confusing to some people but I couldn’t risk instability in DDs life, when I can live on my own with her I want to be financially independent and not have to rely on her father for support.