Help/advice managing 2 year old behaviour

[scorchers0]

He will be 3 in October. Over the last week or so he's been a bit of a menace. In he's well behaved and the loveliest little boy but he can certainly be mischievous, he's always an angel at nursery and they never have to tell him orr for anything. He rarely tantrums, he will often just do naughty things for a reason that isn't always clear, sometimes it's tiredness but a lot of the time it's just out of the blue and he will often be laughing when he's doing it. Examples are; he threw his toy car directly at the tv and the screen broke, swiping things off the table, he has broken 3 lamps by knocking them off the side table (I didn't bother replacing it after that), he threw a mug and the handle snapped off, swipes things off his toy kitchen and his books, I offered a cracker and he didn't want it but took it anywhere and crunched it all over the floor (he has done this a few times with other foods), tipping things out, throwing things down the stairs, grabbing DP's glasses off his face and throwing them. There are definitely more but they are just a few examples. 9 times out of 10 it's difficult to stop him because you don't see it coming, he can be totally fine one second and the next wrecking something. Our wood floor that I only paid to get sanded and stained a few months back is now also wrecked off where he's thrown things.He's never tantrumming when he's doing these things so it doesn't seem like a cause of anger or being upset I don't think.

These are all spread out incidents and he is not like this all the time, but for the past week he's been consistently pretty badly behaved. I feel like such a rubbish mother because I obviously am not managing it very well and I really need advice on how to discipline this. Obviously I tell him off each time 'no, we do not break things/throw things' and remove the item or I will tell him it's naughty and not to do it again but obviously that isn't working and he's taking no notice and it's not effective. I feel like he should maybe be past this stage now? How would you discipline your toddler for similar incidents? I feel like I spend my life asking him not to do this that and the other and picking up the mess. I was really upset last night when he was in bed thinking I'm doing a really poor job of creating boundaries and managing behaviour.

Also when I do tell him off, he thinks it's hilarious and just laughs at me.

Given that it has only been going on for one week and prior to this he was well behaved, has anything changed for him? Is he feeling unwell? Could it be the hotter weather (depending on where you are)? Change in routine at nursery with summer activities?

I can't pin point anything, he does misbehave sometimes apart from the past week, but it's just been worse the last week and in general usually he's pretty good.

Tonight he's launched a full new toilet roll into the bath while it was filling it up, crunching his biscuit all over the floor that he said he wanted, throwing cheese over the bannister and chucking stuff around his room. He is not crying, screaming or kicking off when he is doing any of this, he is just laughing and being silly. I've just kept repeating myself that we do not do this/that, and remove the item but I obviously can't physically restrain him and he doesn't listen at all so I don't know what else I can do but I really need to nip it in the bud? Is it just general toddler behaviour? 🥴

He was absolutely lovely prior to this, had a lovely chat in the car on way home, helped me put the shopping away and we played games in the garden together for an hour which he really enjoyed. Soon as we come in and get winding down he starts misbehaving.

He's testing to see what you will do and you aren't doing anything.

He's past the age now of doing things because he's seeking sensory input. Crunching food all over the floor and so on is to see what you will do: is this allowed? What about this? What if I throw this in the bath? He'll have a glint in his eye as he knows what he's doing.

Children thrive on boundaries and will test them. If boundaries aren't held by their parents they will feel in a state of chaos. Remember when a meek substitute teacher would take the class for a day and everyone would take the absolute piss for the whole day? Same thing.

This is the age where they start to push back. It's developmentally normal but you have to deal with it or he'll suss he can run rings around you.

Slip up with your name OP?

@Yourethebeerthief yeah I totally get that he's doing this to test boundaries, it feels like he's seeing how far he can push. But what I'm doing obviously isn't working so I'm looking for advice on how to actually put those boundaries in place and how to manage the behaviour. He doesn't listen when I firmly tell him not to do something and give a brief reason why.

I was more stern/serious looking when telling him off tonight and at one point did say sorry for throwing when I asked if he had anything to say but then carried on doing it anyway shortly after.

Mine is a similar age and does similar stuff! It’s definitely testing where the boundaries are, his older brother was the same.

I’m afraid my answer is that a) don’t give him the opportunity. Food is ONLY to be eaten at the table. You sit with him, if he gets down and starts being silly you remove the food out of reach. There is absolutely no way in hell mine would have a piece of cheese upstairs to throw over the bannister.

b) totally boring reaction from you. Low firm, slightly cross voice. Clear instruction. “NO. We don’t throw anything in the bath”. Remove him/things to throw. Be boring but it’s not negotiable. If he’s laughing at you it’s just another way to provoke a reaction. Do not give him one.

I’ll say no, remove/redirect behaviour and then if he’s laughing or trying to carry on he gets one warning and then a time out. DS you’re being very silly, please don’t throw anything else or you’ll have to go timeout. I do timeout with him at the moment as he won’t stay there. He has to sit in the armchair and I will return him there if he gets down. I don’t speak to him until the time is up then reiterate that we don’t throw things and ask him to say sorry. Cuddle, move on.

For some kids any reaction is enough of a reward. If you’re boringly consistent he will feel confident in your boundary but I personally think it’s really important that there’s a consequence - either timeout or whatever he’s thrown gets put in the cupboard overnight (this worked for my older one but my younger one isn’t as attached to his toys)

It's hard to know without seeing these things happen, but I have a very strong tone of voice that my son (same age as yours) knows means business. If he ever tried to pull my glasses off my face he'd get a "don't you dare!" in a very firm voice before explaining why we don't do that.

First and foremost I toddler proof everything to minimise the opportunity for these kinds of moments. I also don't like saying no to everything so the more toddler proofed the home is the easier it is not to be constantly telling them off. We have a projector rather than a television in the living room, and no precious breakables. Adult spaces like the home office are locked to him. The kitchen has a baby gate on it.

Secondly, there are consequences for behaviours like you've listed in your OP. If toys are thrown they are taken away and put high up where he can see them. If he's just being a pain and throwing them to get attention, they're put away for ten minutes with a firm explanation why and I move him onto doing an activity with me. If he threw it at another child that toy would be removed for the whole day and he would be very firmly spoken to. If it was a play date and he hurt a child with it, he has to give the toy to the child to play with for as long as they want as a kind thing to do after hurting them.

Crushing food on the floor or making a mess, he would be cleaning that up. Similar to the above example, it's dependant on their intention. Recently my son had a little mad moment and decided to tip his cup of milk. I could see immediately there was no malice in it. He just had a toddler moment of wanting to see what happens. So my tone of voice was "whoops a daisy! Look what happens when we tip our cup. Now we have to clean it" and gave him the cloth to sort it. But if he had crushed crackers all over the floor he would have a stern talking to and he would be helping to sweep it up before he could go back to anything fun. Next time he wanted a cracker he'd be told that he eats it at the table because of what happened last time.