Help! Need to reduce contact sleeping

[Aster123]

Hello all, we’re really hoping someone can help.

Our 8-week old DD will only sleep on either me or my husband (sporadically), both day and night.

It’a not something we’ve ever wanted to do (didn’t even know it was a thing), but she’s been like this from Day 1.

We both take it in turns trying to put her in the cot either asleep or drowsy, but she’s mostly awake within 2-10 mins and then before long starts kicking and thrashing, breathing rapidly before gradually escalating to a full scream. We’ve tried this throughout her 8 weeks in the hope she’d take to it, but just hasn’t.

The conditions in the room are as the advice says: dark, good temperature, white noise, shushing, patting. We’ve tried a variety of swaddles and no swaddles. Crib tipped at a variety of different angles. Tried loads of different dummies but she won’t take them.

We leave her as long as possible in the crib after she wakes to give her a chance, but she’s never fallen back asleep. We’ve tried patting her, stroking her and comforting her in the crib before picking her up.

If we pick her up and settle her before having another go at putting her down, the same thing happens. Before long we’ve had 4-5 attempts and she’s then overtired and won’t fall asleep even on us. Then it’s hours of frustration for her and us, before we have to revert to her sleeping on us just so she gets some sleep.

She’s been examined by a paediatrician who said she’s growing fine, good weight gain, no obvious signs of reflux which is nice peace of mind. She’s mostly breastfed, although will take a bottle of expressed milk. (We thought we’d try introducing a bottle to see if it helped.)

She won’t go in a sling, and cries within 20 mins of being in a pram (in the first few weeks she could go in the pram for 2 hours but that’s gradually reduced). We’ve tried co-sleeping so that I can lie down, but the same thing happens as with the crib. At play times and changing / bath she’s fine, no crying and seems really content. She just doesn’t seem to be able to sleep independently.

Most of the time she sleeps on a cushion on my lap so isn’t necessarily touching me much. However if we transfer the cushion to my side with her on it, she wakes up within 20 minutes.

She is a good sleeper, and mostly does 2-3 hours no problem when she’s on us.

3 days ago we tried around 18 attempts over the course of the day in the cot, and managed to get 3 naps of 30m, 25m and 45m for the first time. We thought we’d made progress at last, but since then, nothing!

Could anyone help us please as we’re still not seeing an improvement. We really want to enjoy these early stages and the summer.

We’re trying our best not to create bad habits (if that’s possible at this age), but just don’t know what to do.

thanks

My son was like this and it was reflux for him. Whenever he lay down it really annoyed him. Only medication and an angled cot and unfortunately to say time helped. As his gut matured he got better. I have been where you are and it’s so so tough. He’s now 2 and a great sleeper in his cot. For you it may just be the 4th trimester and you need to persevere. Usually around 4/5 months it improves. We used to take turns so I would go to bed really early and my husband would have him. He would try to get him to sleep in his cot and when he woke I would take over. Then my mother in law would come around some mornings so I could sleep a bit then too. Was so hard but it will get better. Ask for as much help as you can to get through it and take turns so everyone gets at least some sleep. I remember existing on 3 hours a night at one point. Seems mental to me now that I survived it!

My first advice is to ditch all thoughts of 'bad habits'. It's way too early to worry about that - you can pick up that thought in about two years.

Secondly what you're finding is very, very common.

Cots are very big and draughty for little babies. You also use the word crib? Do you have a Moses basket? They can work better, you keep it next to you and carry it upstairs when you go.

I don't understand what you mean by 'she won't go in a sling' - can you explain?

Also, I worry you are putting pressure on here: We really want to enjoy these early stages and the summer. It will improve but your baby is tiny and this is all very normal.

Thanks! It sounds like we might have something similar as she doesn’t like to lie on her back for sleeping, even when she’s on us. Do you mind me asking what medication you used? The paediatrician said he could prescribe if we wanted to go down that route.
thanks

Thanks bergamotorange, nice to know we’re not creating bad habits.

I’ve got my terminology confused probably. We’ve tried sleeping her in the pram top as we thought it might help with it being smaller and tighter around her (but she didn’t like it). By crib I mean a next to me crib (we’ve actually had the most success with that one). We’ve also tried another smallish cot with no success.

We’ve tried a couple of different types of sling (where she’s facing me), but within a minute of being in them, she starts grumbling and thrashing before crying. Just doesn’t seem to settle in them. Do you have any tips for what might make her feel ok in the sling?

My daughter was like this. For her it's silent reflux. She is nearly 4 and when her reflux is bad she still only sleeps in my arms. High dose omperazole and gaviscon made a difference but she needed domperidone as well. She has particularly stubborn reflux that she hasn't outgrown however.

She screamed in the pram until she was 5 months and then it was 50:50 until 7 months and then she napped best in the pram until she stopped napping at 3. It was hard at first as I didn't have a car and the pram was my main source of transport. She would be slightly better in the sling so I made sure I always had it with me.

We coslept until 2. After 1 she could start the night in cot. She didn't settle properly in the cot until we turned it into a bed.

Me eldest never did sleep in her cot. Some are flipping difficult about sleep! Honestly, never did anything remotely differed for the other 3 but two took dummies and did a four hour stretch from early on, and one was a total unicorn and sleeps in her cot and had only ever rally woken once or twice a night except when ill.

First focus should be surviving this time, Rayne than trying to push rapid change - it probably won't work anyway, and will cause you stress! Take turns with letting her sleep on you. Most sleep more deeply after 3 months or so, and you can start work in on adapting habits then.

Along - start walking/swaying as soon as she's in. Do you have a garden to pace around? Some babies crave movement when in a sling and won't settle otherwise. Others are more flexible but only at certain times of day - my eldest would nap in the sling in the morning, but if yo uput her in after 3pm she would SCREAM.

Plead edont worry about bad habits at this stage. You can always change habits later if needed. I've never sleep trained any of mine and tried to never worry about bad habits. They all sleep well now. There are lots of different ways to raise a baby, what matters is that your needs are being met as well as baby's.

Thanks both that’s really helpful. A big relief for us that we’re not developing bad habits as that’s something that’s been stressing us. @TinyTeachr yes we do have a garden, we’ll give it a go and keep trying her with a sling for a bit each day. Her accepting the sling alone would make a massive difference to us. And a bit of fresh air would be a lovely bonus!

I'd just keep practicing with the sling, put her in and go out for a walk. The movement is a big help.

It sounds like you have tried a lot of things, you have to give a thing a while before you can find out if it will work.

It may just be she is a baby who finds it hard to settle. I know that isn't what you want to hear but some babies are a less easy to settle. It could be reflux or just the way she is. The priority is making sure you look after yourself and don't worry too much so long as she is generally well - I promise she will grow up soon. It's hard at the start. Speak to your GP if you have any worries there could be any pain or problem.