Ease my pain. Poo obsessed virgin MNer seeks tales of "happy endings".

[cazzafromleics]

Am so grateful to have finally found you all on MN. DS1 will only poo in his pants at 3.5 and DS2 at 22 months holds in poos and has constipation as a result. Thanks to various threads I now feel more relaxed, have tips up my sleeve and am off to the GP armed with notes!! Do any of you have older children who now have perfectly normal bowel movements after having constipation when younger? Only "happy endings" please!!!!

I've posted this before, so you may have already seen this, but if not, this is I dealt with my DD (3 1/2) who would only poo in her pants.

I had tried rewards, reminding, books on the loo - nothing worked. I went to have a chat to the deputy head of my DD's nursery and we hatched a plan. It worked so well that that the problem resolved itself almost instantaneously.

OK, this is what we did. It might not work for you because your circumstances might be different. I admit I was sceptical of it working for us, but it really did. Incidentally, DD wasn't constipated at all and the issues hadn't started around a period of constipation. I think this would make a difference in how the issue should be approached.

1. I stopped giving any reminders about going to the loo. Absolutely none - very difficult to do! I completely left it up to DD to make her own decision.
2. I started saying, in a very casual and relaxed way, "Mummy and Daddy do poos in the loo, all the children at nursery do poos in the loo and you need to do poos in the loo to".

After a day of this, she did her first poo in the loo for four months. I fell over backwards. There were one or two accidents over the next few days.

3. If she pooed in her pants, I waited for her to come and tell me. (Previously I had pointed it out to her.) I then said "Let me know when you want to come and get changed" and walked away. This was to get rid of the usual game where DD ran away while I try to get her changed.
4. She had to help to clean herself up i.e. she helped to pull pooey pants and trousers off, and cleaned herself with wipes. I ignored her as much as possible and got on with cleaning yucky pants. I didn't comment at all, although did help a bit to get her clean at the end. I didn't give her any praise for wiping herself but was not nasty at all. It was all just very matter of fact.
5. I gave her new pants and trousers and let her get dressed by herself. Again no praise but no nastiness.

Throughout I tried to maintain a zen like calm!

It was only while dealing with pooey pants in the method I descibed above, that I realised how much attention she had been getting from me previously when she pooed in her pants. Previously I really thought I was giving her lots of praise for doing the right thing and ignoring when things were going wrong, but I just wasn't. I was cleaning her up through gritted teeth and making lots of cross, annoyed comments. Also, reminding her lots and lots, which of course meant she know exactly which buttons to press when she wanted my attention.

Really hope this helps.

Hi from another first timer and I too am so glad I found you! I really do not think my issue is related to constipation as he can do 3 a day (his fathers son....) - not sure if the problem is laziness or fear or it's just a boy thing and he'll get over it, but not sure what I can do to break the cycle.

My DS is 3 1/2 and I didn't rush ptty training - I started at Xmas, and after the initial clueless few weeks, he is now a star with wees, will take himself off on his own to the toilet for a stand-up wee or potty if he has left it a bit late - very few accidents - good times. But he is a total nightmare with poos - bad times. He just will not do a poo on the potty or the toilet. Like many others I have been reading about, he will hide away, and do it in his pants or his pjs, which being looser than pants means that the poo falls out of one of the legs onto the carpet - nice touch... He then wants to clear it up and put it in the loo and flush it away, so he is not frightened or offended by poo. He just hides away when he wants to do one. He is at nursery 3 days a week and they say the same - he hides away. Like I have done at home, they have worked out when the popular poo times are, and encourage him to go on his own, to go with his chums, and regularly ask him, but same as with me, 2 minutes after sitting on the toilet, he will then hide away in a corner, under a table and do it in his pants.

When I see him doing it - I know the signs now, oh boy I know the signs - I try and get him to move, but he refuses, gets upset and distressed, and not wanting to make a big deal of it, I don't force it. If I know he has done a poo in his pants (he never comes and tells me he has done it) I have tried all the approaches; no reaction, casual reaction, cross reaction. We have tried treats, rewards, taking away toys and currently the penalty is taking away favourite pants, but nothing seems to have any impact. He really doesn't seem to care - probably because mummy does.

Yesterday he was having a nudey run around in the house, and he happily pooed on the carpet just in front of me when the potty was almost next to him. Try and stay calm when you see that happening. He then wanted to help clear it up.

He knows it is wrong - he regularly says "we don't do poos in our pants do we mummy, we do poos on the potty or the toilet..", but so far lots of talk but no action.

So, I have read your advice above neolara and I am going to give it a try. I am really bored with it, and whilst I am sure that one day, like the wees, it will be okay, I want to try and help him get over what seems to be a phobia of pooing on the potty or the toilet. The other day I did manage to get to him just in time and got him on the potty (with a bit of resistance, but he wasn't distressed), and I stayed with him and he did do a poo and you'd have though I had won the lottery by the level of clapping, cheering and whooping that could be heard from our house with the pair of us jumping up and down with delight!

I feel better for my rant and it is really good to know I am not alone in my pooey pant hell!

Am PMSL at the thought of a "poo obsessed virgin"

My dd had terrible constipation. Movicol sorted her out (she wsa on it for a year)

Ask your gp about it

I've just started DS at 2.4yrs. He will happily wee in the potty or even on a toilet but also will only poo in his pants. I'm not too worried at the moment as we have only just started but I just have a feeling it might come to a cruch at some point.

I'm planning to try chocolate button bribery if it proves to be a problme.

Emmy - have you thought of giving him the potty to take under the table with him so he can hide and still do it in a potty?

I tried hiding the potty in the favourite 'poo' corner but he would still go there and poo in his pants next to the potty! But that is a good idea - I am going to try the under the table option and also the behind the curtain option. Perhaps lay on some fine reading material and some snacks too to make the whole experience irrestible....

Nothing wrong with chocolate button bribery BTW!

I've just begun with DS at 2.5, and we seem to be having similar problems. We've managed to catch a couple of poos in the toilet, but he really doesn't like it at all. Yesterday he pooed in his pants twice, and hasn't been at all now for 24hrs. This is really unusual as he's very regular! I'm hoping it will resolve itself, but it's so frustrating, especially when he's so enthusiastic about weeing on the toilet.

Chocolate bribery doesn't seem to be working here ATM...

Was just going to start a poo thread, but I find this here already...

I just wondered if it was generally usual for weeing to be mastered first and then pooing ? What are people's experiences of this ?

My ds seems to have 'got' weeing on toilet/potty within a few days (hallelujah, he has ASD and I have been trying on and off for almost a year). He will quite happily poo his pants every time though, and doesn't seem at all bothered about the ease and cleanliness of doing it down the toilet. He is also on Movicol so we have had some horrors to deal with.

I would say that choc prizes work a treat but if you're bothered about your child becoming a choco freak as a result, you can try bubbles - we give a few blows from a pot of bubbles each time, along with general whooping and a little dance routine and it adds to the party atmosphere no end.

My LO took ages to "poo" train, we went to £land and bought loads of cheap toys and every time he did one on the loo he got one. It was alooooooooong road and took months of pooing in pants. I also went to Primark/Home Bargains and bought loads of cheap knickers. As above I didn't give him any attention, he had to help clean himself up if he did it in his knickers. In fact one of the biggest aids was him realising if he did it in the loo I would clean his bum (he hated poo on his fingers)He 5.5 now and has only really mastered it 6 months ago - I was dreading school but hes OK now.

Mates dd would insist on having a nappy on to do a poo - regularly once a day in the evening - even after she started school at four, they tried threats/bribes/everything I think. Then one day in the bath she noticed that she needed a poo and said 'maybe I could have a try on the toilet', did it and never looked back.

I think the "norm" is for children to be trained to poo before they are trained to wee, apparently easy to control the muscles that way around. However I would guess that a sizeable normal minority are the other way around for reasons nothing to do with muscle control I suspect.

ooh ooh ooh we had a kind of poo in the potty today. DS not wearing any pants at all and started to poo. Put him on the potty and altough he cried and moaned - he did stay seated and carried on pooing. Our first one [proud emoticon]

I think you're right Kewcumber - they do get poo trained first, in that they can hold onto it more easily than wees. DS will certainly withhold his poo if he doesn't want to do it. I'm just worried he'll end up constipated. Yesterday I missed both of his efforts, the first in his nappy in the morning and the second after lunch in his pants [frustrated]. I wonder why it's so upsetting for them?

DS doesn't like pooing generally and hasnt for ages regardless of whether a nappy/pull-ups or potty are involved. He did have a problme with constipation for a while at around 1yr which was solved reasonably quickly but was very painful for a while - I wonder if that combined with his slightly fastidious nature is the problem.

We have had a small success here today - DS claimed to need a wee, so put him on the toilet and kept him entertained there long enough that he managed to do a poo too. He wasn't keen on the whole thing but it's definitely an improvement on yesterday! Did resort to small amount of chocolate bribery I must confess

Kewcumber - sounds like your DS has done really well to go on the potty, especially as it's an issue for him, well done little Kewcumber!

I did read somewhere, may have even been on MN, that some children do not like the sensation of the poo falling away from them. My DS has no concerns about pooey nappies but hates the sight of poo.

I sensed there was a poo moment about to happen and got him on to the potty where there was a very very tiny poo moment in the potty moment the other evening - good times! And there was much whooping and clapping. Sadly followed literally minutes later by the rest of the poo. In pants. Bad times. Face of disappointment from me, voice of denial from him. Almost as if he stopped himself doing it all on the potty, but happy to do the rest in his pant. Again. But he did clean his pants himself - he seems to take great pleasure in tipping the poo from pants into the toilet, and happy to clean himself. He took himself to the bathroom without me asking to. He isn't offended by the sight of poo, in fact he is quite intrigued by it.

Oh you gorgeous laydeeeees. Your stories have made me feel so much better. So nice to know my boys are not alone. None of the other kids in our circle are 'retentive', you see.....

Neolara - loving the advice am doing it all with DS1 at the mo. Cleaned up his first poo yesterday and quite enjoyed it. Saves me a job, even if it doesn't get the required result!! I think stopping all mention of the 'p' word is perhaps the key. It's the first thing I say to their beautiful faces at the moment, what with being so obsessed.....

Good that your DS doesn't hold his in at nursery, emmylou. Mine only seems to 'let go' if I'm in the area! Hope you've had some more 'good times'.

CountessDrac - Went to GP to ask about Movicol for DS2, as Lactulose doesn't seem to be softening the poos that much. She wasn't at all keen on prescribing it - told me to keep up the 'fruit/veg/fibre/fluids' (durr, it's my life's work...) and do a sticker chart!! With a 21 month old??!! She was dead against choc bribery... I do agree with her that it's purely a behavioural thing but I think I'll go to MN for the hints and tips in future! Am planning to keep going back on a regular basis armed with my A4 pages of notes!!! Don't think that's annoying at all!

Hope all is still going well with mini Kewcumber and JRocks and dawnybabes - you said your DS sorted himself out after starting school. Did he ever get anxious about it when he was there?

Bizarrely, DS is now fine with poos on toilet. I don't know if I can claim this as my victory, I think he just needed to get used to the idea with lots of encouragement, and a wee bit of chocolate bribery

Though he did have a code brown accident this morning when I didn't reach him in time. Poo down legs and in my hands, not a good look!