Welfare advice please

[Cam1153]

My ex sees the kids every second weekend and there have been a host of ongoing issues. I try and put up with it so they can see their dad but I feel now that they aren’t safe there.

My 5 year old son is allowed to play violent 18r video games.
He is allowed to go Into the pool before anyone else is awake.
He talks about shooting and killing a lot of the time.
My 5 year old daughter and my son share a room with an 11 year old boy at their dads. His partners girlfriends. There are posters on his wall which are fine for him but give my daughter nightmares.
my daughter says the older child plays a game where he sacrifices her on the trampoline and she doesn’t like it.
my ex has told me that he can’t enforce my daughter to wear underwear and this makes the older child feel uncomfortable.
both children say they don’t have a bath, teeth cleaned or hairbrushes from FRi-Sun night at their dads and my daughter who wears a nappy at night has had urine burn because of not being washed.
they come home in old clothes that are too small and shoes that hurt their feet.

I have brought these issues up and get told I’m over reacting, the kids have fun and that’s the main thing, and just generally dismissed.

please give me some advice. Stopping contact is a last resort but I don’t know how much of my children’s welfare I’m willing to compromise.

Sounds like neglect. It's dangerous for your 5 year old to be allowed unsupervised near a pool. Kids can drown in seconds. Your daughter must be in pain with the nappy rash. Your son shouldn't be allowed on violent games he's far too young.

I would phone Gingerbread, they have a great helpline, in order to discuss your options regarding access.

Thank you. I know myself it’s awful but I just like to see what other people think to make sure I’m making the right decision. It’s the last thing I want to do.

Don't second guess yourself. You're worried for the right reasons and need to safeguard them.

The pool is a reason to stop access immediately.

Are you in the UK?

Yes I am in the UK. I have an appointment worth my solicitor tomorrow. This isn’t the first time I’ve needed a solicitor in terms of access but it’s the first time I’ve been really concerned about their welfare.

The pool they have is an inflatable one but it’s one that needs chlorine and a pump. It’s quite big.

Then discuss your options with your solicitor. One option would be to only allow access with a third party present if he's allowing a five year old to get up unattended and get into a pool. Anything could happen to him in or outside the home, he could wander off down the street.

Yeah I’ve thought about that. His partner lives there too and I don’t have an issue with her but these things are happening when she’s there in her house so I’m not even confident that she would make sure the kids are safe.

Supervised access is potentially the best option in the short term, you can get a court order or set this up yourself with his agreement, mothers' unions across the country host them, mostly in church halls, though another option is he has them daytime only if he can be trusted when awake as a compromise

I’m even worried about daytime access. My sons been playing a horror game where there is gore, you can kill yourself, you can kill, carve, cook and eat other humans, and you can set people on fire.

this is what I’m most concerned about at the moment. My son has been displaying violent behaviour for a while and we haven’t been able to understand where he gets it from but now I. Starting to realise.