Sibling rejection

[Ginny123456]

My daughter, 8 often asks her brother 10 for a hug, either to say bye for school/just a hug. She idolises him.

He's a very tactile child (with me anyway) but on waiting list for autism and add test.

She keeps getting rejected by him, sometimes quite physically and my heart breaks for her.

I feel, especially, that she needs to know the 'man in her life' has her back and shows it!! He wants his to say bye with me but when she approaches him with open arms he runs away or pushes her backwards, at from him.

Advice appreciated!

He’s a 10 year old child, it’s a lot of responsibility you’re putting on him to be the ‘man in her life”, that’s not his job, he’s her brother and only her brother. He gets to decide if he hugs someone, you should be telling your dd that he doesn’t have to and it’s not a rejection of her.

They have to both want to hug. If he doesn’t want to hug her you can’t force/pressure him to. Just model being kind and loving to both your kids and explain it is ok to say no to a hug, your daughter must respect the no and he should not push or hurt his little sister.

I suspect it might be helpful to have some ground rules, starting with ‘we’re all polite to each other’ and ‘no one has to have physical contact they don’t want’ (that one is important more widely, of course).

If the rejection is really hurting your DD then she could avoid that by getting a different sort of affirmation - hoping each other have a good day or something. That way she’s not set up to hope for something that doesn’t always come her way.

By 8 she should be old enough to understand if he's nd my dd is 9 and has understood for a couple of years that her little sister (6) is autistic and her behaviour is different and she's quite accepting of the fact.
Try sitting her down and explaining how not everyone is the same and how autism affects people differently, I'm sure your daughter will understand more than you think.

Yuk at the man in her life comment.

He's her brother and a young child so that comment is really inappropriate.

If he doesn't want to hug her that's completely fine, he shouldn't feel any pressure to hug his sister just because it makes her feel sad.

I'd tell your dd to it's fine to ask for a hug but if her brother says no that should be respected.

I agree. I would have a chat with him and ask him if you would feel comfortable with something like a high 5 and talk to her about consent and how not everyone wants hug.

Be careful about the expectations that you are putting on a 10 year old child. Beyond being polite and civil he shouldn't be expected to meet his sisters needs and hug anyone he doesn't want to.

Surely no sane 10 year old boy wants to hug his little sister? I can imagine the loud cries of "yuck"!
Surely it would be more helpful to teach your daughter to respect other people's personal space, and not to be dependent on the males in her life.

Your daughter needs to learn that she isn’t entitled to hug her brother just because she wants to. It’s his body and he’s allowed to say no.

He’s also only 10 and shouldn’t have the responsibility of being the ‘man’ in her life.