How to stop friend comparing everything

[gee21]

Me and my best friend of 25 years have just had our first babies 2 weeks apart- we couldn't believe the chances. I have been really excited that I get to share this journey with her, and see her lots during maternity leave. However, we're not even a month into them both being born and I'm finding it difficult! She asks me EVERYTHING about my baby and my parenting, from what baby classes I'm doing to what nappy brands I'm using. It isn't just one or two general questions, it's about everything we do/every product we use and it's getting very grating already. I understand she values my advice and opinions, but i want to just enjoy our time together without feeling like it's a constant comparison - all babies and all parents are different! How do I nip this in the bud early on without hurting her feelings?

Can you gently raise this with her? Since you've been friends for so long perhaps you can just be open? Maybe say she seems a bit anxious and is she ok? Reassure her that she can be more confident in her choices and instinct? Say you find it hard too?

Depends - do you get the feeling she's doing it from a competitive point of view, or is she maybe feeling a bit uncertain of what she's doing and wants to check in with you?
If the latter, it will potentially naturally stop as she gets a bit more confident.

It's hard to answer because it depends so much on what she is like as a friend generally.

I don’t see my childhood friend any more because this exact thing happened when we both had children.

All of sudden it became a massive competition - who was taller, who could read the best, who could ride a bike without stabilisers first, who had the most friends, who could run the fastest and climb the highest… it was exhausting and hurtful. I thought our friendship meant more.

I reluctantly agreed to have coffee and a catch up recently thinking that now our DC were adults that she would be different. Nope. All about her dd’s uni course, grades, specifications, glowing reports, world travels…etc. Sigh.

Is it a competition or is it just reassurance? I couldn't care less if my friend used the same nappies or whatever. I wouldn't like the 'is X sitting up yet? Y is' 'Y sleeps through the night now and never cries like your poor baby' etc.