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Parenting

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How to tell the kids about parent's separating?

4 replies

Peppette · 18/07/2024 14:55

It says it all in the title really. It seems that my husband decided a while ago that we are no longer compatible and has been pushing me away ever since (see my other post on his most recent actions if you need to!) He has no interest in a trial separation or a separation where we would try and see if we want to reconcile after so many months even.

The first step is his moving out to a rented property which will be happening in the next few weeks, once he's found somewhere and my soon to be 8yo daughter's birthday is over. Then we will sell another property we own and put that money towards a house for me to move into, I cannot afford the mortgage on my own on the house we live in currently but it make sense for me to stay for now as it's coming up to summer holidays and I will be looking after the kids the most.

So a lot of gradual transitions coming up, my son has a feeling that something is wrong but isn't sure. The news that we are not staying together will crush him, he's 10yo but has always been sensitive. So best way to tell them? Things to include/avoid? Resources you can point me towards that you have found especially helpful in this scenario (a google search was quite overwhelming!)? Things to look out for in my kids that might mean they are not handling it as well as they seem? When to tell them - when my husband is leaving or give them a few days to get used to the idea first?

OP posts:
RappersNeedChapstick · 18/07/2024 20:44

I'm so sorry that you're going through this OP, you sound fairly devasted.

I have no idea how to tell them or what to look out for but I would give one word of warning. You seem to be agreeing to all of the financial stuff without taking legal advice? Is that right?

You seriously need some good legal advice before you start splitting assets.

If he rents and you own, he can then come after half your new house when you do divorce Flowers

Peppette · 18/07/2024 21:18

@RappersNeedChapstick It's just happened this past week and up until today I still had hope that he would want to try and reconcile eventually so I'm still reeling from it all. I wouldn't think that he would do anything bad but then I didn't think he'd treat me the way he has been doing lately. He also touched on the fact that he didn't think we should split our assets 50/50 because some of it was gained from inheritance from his family, despite me putting money towards these assets in the past, which kind of solidifies your point. I'll look for some legal advice about it all tomorrow.

OP posts:
RappersNeedChapstick · 18/07/2024 21:33

You can apply for a no fault divorce yourself online. If you do that, you'll be in a better position when it comes to applying for the financial order.

Please ask in the legal section for advice in getting a good solicitor who will represent you properly Flowers

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RappersNeedChapstick · 18/07/2024 22:31

Just wanted to add some links:

This one talks you through the Divorce process

Rights of Women also have this useful guide. They have plenty of other guides in there too and a free helpline.

The NSPCC has this guide on telling the DC.

Please do look after yourself OP. It sounds as though this is something he's been planning for a while and the Script has already started.

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