Potty training - am I right to give up for now?

[Melisande9]

My child is 2 years 5 months old. Showing some signs of readiness like telling when she needs changed, going dry overnight most nights etc. We did 3 days at home this week no nappies, and she did communicate needing to go and I did manage to get her to the potty on time mostly, with just a few accidents. However, she massively resists the potty most of the time, like screaming and crying. Really seems scared of it, hasn’t willingly went and sat on it. And won’t sit on it long enough to do anything, really panics if she is using it. Doesn’t care about reward charts/stickers/sweets etc. Not even a book or my phone will keep her distracted long enough to sit on it. Am I wrong to have decided to put a nappy back on and leave it a couple of months? I feel she’s nearly there but not quite yet. Some friends have said this will confuse her after having her use the potty all week so I feel awful now and don’t know what’s best.

I'm confused - she won't stay on a potty but for three days she did almost all her toileting on a potty?

It's a tricky one op - on one hand if she's distressed I understand feeling she's not quite ready and you don't want to make it a Thing, it's supposed to be big positive step for them "look how grown up you are" etc.

On the other hand if she's resisting and stubborn now, I wouldn't bet on it getting easier as she gets older...

How's her speech? Can she say what she doesn't like about it?

Some tips could be -

Try toilet instead

Will she sit on it whilst in a nappy at first, to get used to it?

Have you read any potty training themed books together? Mine loved the hey duggee one!

How is she using the toilet. Honestly from everything you've said I really wouldn't be putting her back in nappies.

Sorry, I wasnt clear. She has used it for a few days (when I’ve got her to it on time - wouldn’t go to it herself for example), but crying and protesting as she did so, and then now refuses outright to go near it and I don’t want to force her onto it. Scared of the toilet too. Her speech is good, but she doesn’t seem to make the proper association or something. Some good tips above though.

My daughter likes to understand things before she does them. She has learnt everything slowly and then once mastered it she goes for it. She rolled twice then not again for a month then never stopped. She was cruising furniture at 9 months before refused to walk until 14-15 Months and then ran the next day.

When we came to potty training we started slowly with an hour on days when I was at home with her. We built up to 4h then she got a choice of knickers or nappy when she woke up in the morning or from a nap. Some days she had them all day some days not at all. It was only when she was willing to have them both times consistently we committed to potty training. The first weekend she refused the knickers so we tried again a few weeks later and that was that she potty trained.

Through out the training she was ok with switching between knickers and nappies.

I think I would go back to predominantly nappies but keep the potty visible and maybe introduce a little of time time for the potty. Maybe at bed time or when you change their nappy get them to sit on the potty. Not stressing if she stays on it for a second or a minute or five just build on the potty being a safe place. If they won't sit on it would they put a toy on it and you can talk about the use of the potty via the toy.

I would also have a think about how they have learnt other skills and use what you know about their personality to shape potty training. They haven't read the books as they say, you have to right the book yourself some times with the child you have not the child in the books

@Superscientist that does sound like an approach we maybe could try, thank you. My older two were more all or nothing but they also were more adaptable to new things. Maybe building up time on it would work better here.

Hi, I tried with our DS when he was similar age, it just didn't work at all. He hated being put on the potty and strongly resisted it, had a few lucky moments but it was mostly him peeing all over the house for 3 days. I put him back in nappies for 6 months and tries again when I got some opportune time off.
He got straight into it. Because he was more mature he understood the importance of being able to use it and was able to realise how much more comfortable it is without a nappy.

I absolutely do not regret putting a nappy back on him for 6 months, the process was so much more straight forward when he was just a bit older.

I would leave it for a while, remove the potty and try to take the stress out of it. There’s no big rush - they get there in the end! A star chart worked for us

Neither would I. When you're going through hell, for gods sake keep going

Put her back in nappies. You won't be confusing her, you'll be giving her time to get her head around it and you can try again another time when she's not stressed about it.

She can do it, she just doesn't like it?

Take her to choose a new potty in her favourite colour. Might be enough to make her willing

She can sit on a toilet like you ?

It sounds like you've got further than we did but otherwise it sounds very similar to my DD at a similar age. We ended up just leaving it because she was already struggling with constipation and I didn't want to add urine infections to that as well.

It took another 5 or so months before she was actually ready, in all that time I would suggest toilet/potty every now and then but the closest we got was her sitting on them fully clothed. In the end she said to me one day when she came to the toilet with me that she would sit on the toilet, when I asked "With no nappy?" I expected her to say no but she said yes.

Two days later when I had time off work I said that the only nappies left in the shop were for nighttime so she could do her wees and poos on the toilet now (she has still never done anything in a potty) She was dry within three days.

I was so doubtful of everyone saying she'd do it when she was ready and the ERIC guidelines say that readiness is outdated advice but it absolutely worked for DD.

You're quite right imo. I'd put the potty away for a few weeks then bring it out but without pressure to use, progress to popping on before bath/bedtime etc. Before you start again get some books out about TT, aliens love underpants is good too - take her to choose own pants & pooland app. Some children do go straight to toilet.
You could take a look at ERIC website as well, lots of tips for successful TT

Going through the same with my 3 year old and it's so stressful. We also started around 2.5 (the age her sister picked it up straight away). She did 1 wee in her potty then completely freaked out and has ever since.
She's now 3 years 3 months and today we bit the bullet and 'gave her nappies to the babies'. Had a full day of crying, been pooed on and some accidents on the floor. Then her dad walked in from work and she immediately said 'daddy go to toilet' and did a poo! 😂
Sorry that's not really helpful but just wanted to share you're not alone with the potty phobia!

Thanks everyone, glad to hear some other stories of similar!