Friend let my son 9 go to shop on own

[pinkTowel1]

I left my 9 year old son with a friend and have discovered that she let him and their daughter (also aged 9) go to the nearby shops on their own. She never asked me if this was ok with me. It is not something I would have said yes to. He has never done this before. Am I being unreasonable to be upset about this?

Yes I'd be upset, I have an 8 year old and no way would she be going to the shop without me even next year.
I think it sounds quite irresponsible to take such a risk with someone else's child without their permission.

Unless it involves crossing a few busy roads I’d be fine with it. No wonder so many children lack independence and have anxiety.

How close is the shop? I mean they're 9 and if its at the end of the road then fine. If its a 15 minute walk with numerous busy roads then not fine.

They have to build independence sometime

Did something bad happen during the walk?

How close is the shop and what’s the walk like? I think most 9yos should be find walking to the local newsagent for example as long as they’re not crossing a dual carriageway or something

I think it depends very much on where the shop is, if they had to cross any roads etc. My now 10yo has been allowed to go alone to the shop across the road from us for about the last year - I can see it from my garden gate and there's a pedestrian crossing. The first couple of times I watched her the whole way from a bedroom window, but now I'm happy to let her go fairly freely.
So I think it's very context-specific, but I don't think 9 is too young in the right circumstances. Do you trust your friend and her parenting generally?

I see both sides. I allow my 9 year old to go to the shops alone (3 minute walk) now and again. I wouldn't, however, allow her to do it with a friend at this point as I know that we are ahead on allowing independence for our children vs most of the people in our community and I'm aware that it would most likely be another child's first time.

So I don't think it's a big deal in itself, but I do think that at this age, the parents should be respectful of other parents' boundaries.

Depends where and how far. I let my 10 year old walk to the shop, go to the park, walk home from school, stay at home alone etc. Most 9yo would be fine going to a local shop alone

Depends entirely on the individual, one of mine - no problem she's very sensible and would have been fine.
The other at the same age - no way she wasn't mature enough, completely different children.

By that age I was going to get the bread and to the supermarket to get some item or other. I would only be wary if crossing busy roads. If not, they have to learn at some point.

Context needed. How far, busy roads or a quiet village shop 100m up the road?

At 9 mine could go to say a camp site shop, not to out local shop because they would need to cross a fast road over a crap roundabout where people drive way too fast.

As the shop is nearby, unless it's across a motorway or something, I think you're being a bit U tbh.

9 is a good age to start getting a little independence.

Oh and in either situation I'd always clear it with the other childs parent

Two 9yos together, I'd have thought not a problem at all unless they needed to cross the north circular to get to the shop.

Did they manage ok?

Why would you object?

Around here at nine most parents aren’t letting their children do that so I would expect to be asked.

We seem to have a generation of parents who are too fearful to let their children do anything on their own; possibly children lack road sense today, because they never go anywhere on foot.

No busy roads but centre of London. Less concerned about roads more concerned about how they may deal with mentally unstable or drunk people. Also bit upset I wasn't asked if I was ok with it first.

Centre of London like Leicester Square central? Then you're not being ridiculous. If you mean somewhere more like Clapham or Islington and to the little Sainsbury's or a corner shop 4 mins away, then you are being ridiculous.

Take care of your own child if you want to be the discussion maker 24/7.

Hmm, I used to live in a big city in an European country where this would have been considered completely normal.
Kids would walk to school by themselves from about seven years old. To me personally, that seemed a little young, but I think the UK is sometimes on the other extreme.

like others have said we need more information but it’s not outrageously early, I probably would still check at that age. Definitely not too young though if it’s a corner shop.

Why have you got 2 threads about this?

I think 9 is a perfectly normal age to be able to go to the shop as long as it's not too far.

Did they (the children) manage ok without any issues?

I’m zone 3 and would be fine with it.

I think in this situation, just say to the other family something like, "I am sure that you wouldn't let the kids go off alone unless you were confident, but we are not there yet with Johnny so in future, please if you are going to be in a situation where they need or want to do this, I'm not comfortable with it. If that's a problem for you, I totally understand and would just suggest that Johnny doesn't come over on that day."

Round here 9 year olds habitually play out and walk to school by themselves.
Wouldn't occur to me that this would be a problem.

What's the norm in your area? Are you the one massively out of step with what everyone else does, or is the other mum?