Managing my expectations on baby crying

[WilliamsMe123]

I’ve found it so hard to find a way to ask Google this question so bear with me!

We have a nearly 6m old DD. I got myself into a bit of a feed-to-sleep pickle but one of the side effects of that was I’d never really heard my baby cry for more than 20 seconds, and most of the time she wouldn’t even get to that stage. Upset? Uncomfy? Tired? Not tired? Just babying? = boob.

We’ve just moved her to her own room and with it have tried to help her rely a bit less on the boob to sleep with the most gentle sleep training we could find. It’s ’gone well’ in that she can get herself to sleep, and often with minimal fuss.

So here’s what I’m wondering: when I put her down sometimes she protest cries, or has a little short cry in the night before putting herself back to sleep. We are talking minutes of weak crying.

Old me would have soothed her with feeding, and I sometimes do, but we really can’t open that door again consistently.

… so do babies just sometimes cry, especially when they go to bed, and parents let them? So long as it’s weak and not for long?

I know this seems a ludicrous question, but as we’ve sleep trained it’s confused me and I’m unsure what my new normal is.. and whether she will eventually shift from upset crying to more of her protest shouting? Or am I being ridiculous to imagine my baby would be able to get back to rarely crying if my boob isn’t permanently available?

Thank you!

She's had a massive change in her life so it's unrealistic to expect her not to use her voice to tell you when she doesn't like it! Of course lots of us let the baby have a little cry pre sleep, but I can't judge the extent of your baby crying (whether it's something I would be ok with, or would be rushing in to pick her up) from a post.
Have you been finding her sleep a struggle for you? It can be so exhausting.
I don't know how close to 6 months she is, I didn't put mine in their own rooms till they were definitely past that recommended age.

Babies only have one means of communication, crying. But there are different cries. If you listen to the cries you will start to learn the difference so some cries are hungry, scared, tired. Some cries are just about grumbling, a bit like you getting comfortable in bed and having a few sighs and grumbles as you get comfy.

DC is a bit older now but still can’t go to sleep if we’re in the room, so has a little grumble as they fall asleep. Sometimes they wake in the night and there’s a little grumble of a cry and that’s when I will just wait for a minute and see if they go back to sleep. Sometimes they have a scared or upset cry (the blanket has come off or they’ve bumped into the wall) and that’s when I go in straight away.

I'd echo @WhereIsMyLight One of my DS was just a noisy child. Lots of mooching and crying/grumbling but not really upset. He'd then shimmy a bit and go back to sleep. When he actually wanted my attention, I knew it. The cry was different in tone and urgency.

You probably already know your baby's cries but you're second guessing yourself. It sounds like deep down you know that some cries are ok, and your baby doesn't need to be picked up at every noise.

No one here can really tell you what cries are what or what's ok but you know your baby. Trust yourself. Sounds like you've got a good sense of what's going on.

I think the switching between "I" and "we" in the OP stands out for me - is the dp/dh more keen on this new room change than the OP?

Yes it's fine. You will know when it's a really something wrong cry or just a fussy cry. Mine always were put down and they fussed for a while. Sometimes they need to do this to get off to sleep they cant lay there silent ! You are doing the right thing. Obviously a really desperate cry is different but that moany cry as they are settling is perfectly normal.

Certainly mine would do a kind of half hearted cry about being left, as if it were up to her she’d probably hang out with us all evening, but it was a different sound to her needing me, and would cease in a matter of minutes. She’s now 2 and is completely normal and well adjusted. I think as a PP said, you know the different cries and are possibly second guessing yourself

Thank you @MrsClownland - she’s 6 months this week. She actually had got too big for her Next to Me and was trying to roll over in it unsuccessfully, so we moved her for the size. This has also been why she’s taken to it quite well, now that she can roll and get comfy she’s much happier.

And yes it had really got to the point we had to make a change. She was up for boob all night, but it was when I couldn’t put her down for naps (even after being fed to sleep!) that we decided to go for it. I was really struggling mentally! However she was showing so many signs of also not wanting to be asleep on my boob (trying to burrow into my belly and trying to pull away a few times every night!) which makes me feel a bit better!

@MrsClownland he’s really supportive and we’ve done this together! The switching was because we had done it all as a team except they’re my boobs and it’s my question 😂

I think you’re overthinking this. You’re not going back to feed to sleep and you’re not going back to the next to me. So regardless of whether baby is grumble crying, sooth crying, unhappy crying or any other reason it’s not going to change what’s happening is it?

In which case don’t worry about it.

Baby will be fine, you’re doing great!

@WhereIsMyLight @thatstakingalongtimetoboil @DanceTheDevilBackIntoHisHole okay @MrsClownland thank you all, you are right - I really do know the difference but just am second guessing myself after going through this change! I would go in if she’s really upset/not settling/hungry.

Whilst It’s taking some getting used to, if you’d have told me a week ago I could sit and hear her fussing/protesting for a few minutes without ME crying then I’d have been amazed. So I guess I need to continue with much of the same and will get used to it!

thank you all, appreciate your reassurance!

Yes that's exactly what they do. The transition bit between awake and sleep can be difficult for them. But as long as it's not a distress cry, and goes on for more than a few minutes, let her be.

Thanks as well @Inlaw - I think my anxiety levels were high from the compounding sleep deprivation, and then adding to that the move to her room! Hoping and expecting that I’ll start to cool it a little after some catch up sleep 😂

Minutes of weak crying?

Let her self soothe to sleep.

Sounds like you're doing brilliantly. There are so many of these transitions to go through and it's SO hard to feel confident you're doing the right thing but your intuition is a cracking guide. Just keep going