3 year old bedtime - I’m going to have a breakdown

[NighttimeNightmare]

Any advice on a 3.5 year old who is refusing to sleep? We have routine nailed, bedroom is dark and comfortable, but no matter what time I bring DC up they refuse to sleep till nearly 9pm. I can’t cope, I’m exhausted. Once they’re asleep I have to go down and do housework for the day as I work part time and I’m currently on my own as DH abroad and I have no family around. I am getting so angry at bedtime because of the stress and I’m shattered from ending up doing things Kate into the night and then having to do all the usual stuff and either work or childcare the next day.

I would understand if it was a case of needing a later bedtime, but DC is shattered every single day from lack of sleep. With me they cry or get angry and yawn all day and at nursery I’m getting comments about how tired they are.

I’ve tried:

Moving bed time forward
Moving bed time back
white noise
nature sounds
Calming bedtime stories
cuddling
rocking
patting
rubbing
being there
not being there
blacked out room
unblacked out room
cuddly toys
nothing else in the bed

We already do dinner, bath, read several books and a bit play. DC is with me four days a week and then at nursery 3 days and I collect at 3pm and they have my focus from then so I don’t think it’s missing me or a connection thing.

I cannot cope with this anymore, this only started a few months back, up until then they were an angel at bedtime but a bad sleeper throughout the night waking up every 1-2 hours. Then they started sleeping better and only waking once or twice but instead they refuse to go to sleep. I haven’t had a decent nights sleep in 4 years because I was so unwell when pregnant and I just want my evenings back so I can get stuff done and go to bed at a reasonable hour.

My previously great sleeper suddenly had issues since turning 3. We went through this phase for a couple of months earlier this year (he's now just over 3.6 months)

It sounds like you've tried most things. I just let him stay up as late as was needed and just carried on with my evening. I put the TV on, left some toys about and he just carried on as normal until he was ready for sleep. However, mine could sleep in as he only goes to pre school for 2 mornings a week so he wasn't getting too tired in the day. I can't do a bedtime struggle so I just carry on with housework and my own dinner until he's sleepy.

It fixed itself so fingers crossed yours will too!

(1 other thing I also checked was hunger. Sometimes he needed a snack and then would go to sleep much more easily).

What time do they wake up in the morning? Do they wake naturally or do you wake them?

Assume they aren’t napping anymore?

I'm not sure but you have my sympathies. My son told me he can't sleep because in his words: there is no moon, so I guess it's too light even with curtains shut.

It's hard going.

Sounds awful. That’s a heck of a lot you’ve tried. How many nights do you try each thing for?
good luck for tonight.

Mine was AWFUL. Then we got a yoto mini player thing and it does all the stories I choose sleepy stories. And then do the iggle piggle hand massage thing.

They wake between 6.30 and 7 usually. I don’t wake them as they wake in enough time for us to get ready and go. As I say, I appreciate that for some kids that would be enough sleep but they’re constantly shattered, yawning and lots of tears and struggles, plus they’ve got little red under eyes all the time.

I’m dreading bed time already 😭

Ooh I need to look at this massage. I find with mine, they deliberately stay awake to listen

I do wonder about this, if even with blacked out windows they just know that the sun is up? Because this only started a few months back which would tie in with the stretching evenings 😩

Try Lucy Wolfe sleep books. I’ll be honest, it’s fucking hell for like the first week but after that you regret not trying it sooner

I've been going through this with my 2 year old.

Not massively proud of it but I lost my marbles a few nights ago and just let her cry it out.

It was horrible, she cried, i sobbed. Felt like the worst mother ever, but i was emotionally and physically exhausted.

She has actually gone to bed a lot better since then, i think she was just aware that i would come running everytime she cried. Now she realises i wont, she doesnt bother.

What's helped me in the past has been taking the pressure off and giving up on the idea of them having to go to sleep. As long as they are resting in bed in a calm, dark room, it's enough. Just let them be there. Go downstairs and get on with your work, tell them you will come back in ten minutes (or five if ten is too much). Pop back in to see them every 5/10 min and gradually stretch out the time in between. Then, at least once they're asleep you should be done with jobs and able to rest.

This would be fine if they weren’t so utterly exhausted all the time, it’s affecting everything, their ability and want to do things, their temperament, their enjoyment. They’re bloody knackered all the time and I want to solve the issue if I can!