End of breastfeeding or a nursing strike?

[PontiacBanditt]

DD 12 months had an accident and bit a chunk out of her tongue. I tried feeding her to calm her down as a boob would usually fix everything for her but there was just a lot of blood and she was getting really upset.

That was 4 days ago and she's not had a breastfeed since then. Previously she'd feed 4 times a day and once at night.

She's still drinking lots of water and eating food with no problem, chewing toys etc so I don't think it's pain, just the feeding whilst there was blood has put her off.

If I offer a boob now she SCREAMS she gets so upset.

Nights have been really hard as she used to wake once a night and is now waking 6+ times for the last 3 times just crying and crying.

I've tried having a bath with her, offering a boob at all times of the day and when asleep, making it a game etc and mornings working.

Does this sound like the end of breastfeeding or should I keep trying?

If you offer and she screams I would definitely stop offering.

For good? Or leave it a day or two and then try?

This sounds really hard OP. It sounds to me more like she's developed a negative association with the breast because of the blood, not that she's decided she doesn't want it - the fact she's upset and unsettled makes me think it's more about the blood and not her deciding to stop.

If you want to try and make the breastfeeding connection again, I would try just lying down with her, naked on the top half, and snuggle. Or maybe lie with her on you on the sofa, again, breasts out - don't offer the breast but just see if she starts rooting at you on her own. She clearly doesn't want to be actively put on the nipple, but maybe with some reassuring, calm, no pressure 'closeness' she may feel able to nurse again. I'm not sure the bath is the right place for that (if she's anything like my 2, then water just excites them after a certain age), so I would try and encourage some of that same skin to skin, but on dry land! In the meantime, I would hand express to keep your supply up.

All of the above is assuming you want to try and reconnect with to breastfeeding. It's also ok if you want to use this as a way to stop altogether

Thank you this is really helpful I will do this. I did try and have a bath with her but she was too busy playing.

I definitely want to carry on breastfeeding if possible, I wasn't ready to stop and I'm feeling surprisingly really sad since she hasn't fed :(

The nurse she saw yesterday said this might just be the end but I'm hoping it's not...

Thanks for your advice

So has she had any milk at all? Did you try bottle?

Re rooting - I think this stops well before 12 months

Great username op! My dd2 did something very similar at 14 months. She had teething pain that was worse when feeding. She’d feed then come off screaming, back on for a second, scream and stopped altogether.

I kept offering for the next week or so. I even hand expressed into a cup which she was happy to drink and then handed me back for more! It was the end of breastfeeding for us and I was sad as I’d wanted to keep going longer. She was perfectly happy though and never seemed to miss it and she’d been a mad keen feeder before!

Sounds like the end, I wouldn’t keep trying to force her. 4 days is quite a long strike so I would look at making sure she is getting calcium in other ways now

If she doesn't want it then leave her be - it's always a bit uncomfortable watching women "offer a boob" (this should go on the bad phrases list) to kids who are really too old for it and don't want it.

At 12 months I'd just assume she's done tbh. We had this at 10 months - no injury, she just randomly took against it halfway through a feed and never latched again. She wouldn't drink breastmilk, formula or cows milk from any cup or bottle for a while but then started happily drinking cows milk in a sippy cup so we went with that.

After about a week we decided "Well, I guess weaning is going well!" and went with it.

No she's had no milk since Friday

I've been offering expressed milk and also Alpro growing up milk in various cups and bottles and she won't have it but she's been drinking water

That sounds just like what she's doing. DD1 breastfed until 19 months and getting her to stop was an absolute mission so this is new territory for me.

She's totally happy otherwise and doesn't seem bothered so it doesn't really matter it's mainly for selfish reasons as it's so much easier to get her to sleep

Thank you

Thank you. DD1 fed for so long that I wasn't sure if it was okay for her to have no milk of any kind.

She eats a LOT of food so she's definitely not going hungry

She isn’t too old for it. Get a grip.

OP, can you spend some time with her with your breasts accessible? She may show some interest if milk is casually available to her.

It's not ideal but it's fine. You'll need to make sure she's getting enough calcium and such, if you look up the NHS weaning pages it will tell you how much milk they should be having at each age. Formula fed babies are supposed to move from bottles of formula to cups of regular milk at this age (obviously the babies frequently disagree with that!) so I guess focus on that. We used to give milk and water at each meal, and always kept the water in the red cup and the milk in the purple so she knew what was what and she did start drinking it.

In the meantime, you'll need to up her intake through cheese, yoghurt, cheesy sauces etc.

If she has a milk allergy or you're dairy free for another reason you'll probably need to do some reading to make sure she's getting the right nutrients.

Tbh I would just stop now. I get that it's so easy for sleep and comfort but she obviously doesn't want it anymore and that's ok. A pain when they keep waking up at night like but that should settle

I read on here repeatedly that you ‘can’t make a child breastfeed’ and it’s a ‘two way relationship which can only continue if both are happy’ so why is everyone trying to force her if she doesn’t want to?

No one's trying to force anything, but a 12 month old is still a baby and most children are still having milk from breast or bottle at that age.

Most but not all. DS weaned himself from breastfeeding at 11 months and since then has just continued to eat normal meals and drink follow on milk from a beaker. You can’t and shouldn’t force a baby over 1 to breastfeed. If OP’s child was 7 months then I would agree to encourage her, but it sounds more about OP’s feelings at this stage.

Like I said, mine did the same at 10 months so I know it happens (that would be why I wrote most and not all), but I don't think OP is forcing anything or making it all about her own feelings. That's a really strange read on it.

She's too old to derive much health benefit from it so this is all about the mother's emotional needs.

Guessing you formula fed.

Breastfeeding your toddler can provide:
29% of daily energy needs
43% of protein requirements
75% of Vitamin A requirements
60% of Vitamin C requirements.
76% of folate requirements
94% of vitamin B12 requirements
36% of calcium requirements

The longer you breastfeed your child, the more you reduce the risks in your child of:
gastrointestinal infections
respiratory infections
ear infections
dental malocclusions
overweight and obesity
lower IQ.

The WHO recommends breastfeeding to age two and beyond

But it’s just for Mum, eh? 😂