Anyone else’s child hate when you comfort them when hurt!?

[Greengreengrass972]

My 4 year old falls over/hurts themselves (in a minor way) and when I naturally say ‘Are you ok?’ she will get very defensive saying don’t ask me! I’m ok! No stop asking me! Go away! (And that’s not even me really comforting her - just asking!)

I have to fight my natural instinct now to ask her (obviously I can see if it’s generally something minor) and have to pretty much ignore her if she falls over etc 🤦🏼‍♀️ and probably look like a terrible parent in the process if anyone saw!

What about if you don't ask? Does she come to you for comfort if she hurts herself? Is this a new development?

Or how is she in the same situation with other people?

Is she embarrassed that she fell over? Next time Id wait to see if she approached me for comforting words or a hug.

My DS goes absolutely mental when he’s hurt, it’s awful. Can’t be comforted easily and just screams and shouts.

Only if it's somewhere public like a softplay or picking her up from preschool

When it's just us she's fine

I think she just gets embarrassed

Have you asked her why it bothers her?

Mine generally did when she was younger. She’d kick the person standing nearest to her and then accuse them of hurting her. She’s got better with it but now if we are in public and she takes a tumble, I just say “oooh are you ok” and she generally pops up and shouts she’s fine. If she’s not she’ll let me know because she’ll burst into tears and which point she’ll accept a cuddle.

She would honestly rather I didn’t ask her! That’s why I’ve tried to stop (almost mostly out of habit do ask as it’s not natural to!) she would only come to me if it’s a really bad injury.
Same at nursery - they say she wouldn’t let them look etc if she fell and bumped herself.

Definitely think embarrassment is part of it. She doesn’t approach me or anyone (unless she’s really hurt then she does).

Yes she doesn’t really have an answer tbh!

I was like this as a child. I think I just wanted to be 'tough' and 'not a baby'.

I'd just make it known that she can come to you, and keep an eye on it as you are doing.

We've found 'is your body hurt or are you feelings hurt?' to be a really useful phrase. It sets the tone for what to do next. If feelings then a 'yeah it can feel embarrassing when you x, y, z...' or just 'do you need some space for a minute?' if body then 'would you like a cuddle or for me to rub it better?'

Usually the answer is 'nah I'm fine' and they run off. Whereas if I'd asked 'are you okay' it would have been drama worthy of Channel 4.