Having a child with a dud partner

[ItsFreedomBabyYeah]

I'm really, really curious in a non judgemental way. I see so many women post about having a child/children or even marrying blokes who are just duds.

Why? How? Surely, there were clues beforehand. A guy doesn't just go from being a good guy to suddenly an awful partner/father.

Example; a friend was in a long term relationship with a heavy drinker. When he drank, he'd get kicked out of clubs, he once lost their house keys & tried to 'break in' to their home, resulting in kicked in windows & him in A&E for bleeding, he'd get into fights, drink driving etc etc. Anyway, they got married (after 8 years!) & the marriage only lasted for just over one year (producing one child) before they got divorced due to, suprise, suprise, his drinking & his getting into mischief! She knew all along what he was like.

So I'm baffled! Why do women do it? I believe men show signs as to who they are, yet we have kids with these guys & marry some. Why do we make such poor decisions who we have children with?

I really think some women think they can change these men, or they think it’s better to be with a dickhead than to be single.

I think some women are just not worldly or they're naive. They think they can change men, be taken care of by the state if it goes pear shape, or just don't think to the future- live day by day. Women will often say 'he wasn't always like this' but there's often huge red flags that they don't pick up on or choose to ignore.

There was never a chance in hell I'd have a dc unless I had the skills, qualifications, mental health or means to support them on my own.

I have always assumed my husband had to grow up eventually. He hasn't. Married 17 years and trying to get up the courage to separate.

I think some women look on their bf as a project instead of accepting them as they are. Some think that milestones such as marriage or children will change them for the better but it often highlights their selfish immature behaviour. Some women will take a mop with a hat down the aisle as they just want to be married and have children. Some fear being alone.

The honest truth is many women are terrified that this might be their only chance - at
“love”, to have kids, to get married etc. So they subconsciously minimise the bad things and tell themselves it will be fine. People loose their objectivity when it is personal.