What thoughts do you have when your child is ill?

[Lucky457]

I’m trying to get better at not worrying so much about this so I’m hoping to hear how other’s thought processes work. My littlest one who is 8 months has a mild temperature today, her first one that isn’t vaccine induced, and has been more sleepy and fussy, as well as having a runny nose. I thought she felt warm so checked her temperature (37.3 so not sky high) and I decided to give her paracetamol as she wasn’t a happy bunny. I hate giving her Calpol as she just chokes on it and sicks up whatever is in her stomach which is what she did today. Luckily my husband was home and not working away so he took over and got the rest of the dose in her with much crying and gargling the Calpol from her. I’ve let her nap when she wants, eat and drink whatever she was in the mood for and generally been acting like my normal self. But my head does what it’s always done for my eldest (3 years old) when she’s ill too. I don’t worry that it’s something really serious or anything like that, but I worry that the temperature will get worse and will make them be sick. Or I’ll worry that I won’t be able to get Calpol in them and for it to stay down so they’ll get worse. Or I’ll worry that the other one will catch what the other one has and be ill too (inevitable I’m learning and I find I deal with it as it comes). Basically, I worry about my children suffering and not feeling well and I’m scared that I’m not able to comfort them and protect them and help make it go away. I’ve had CBT before so I am so much better than I was and can recognise that just being there for my children as their mum brings them enormous comfort. I’m curious, do some parents just think ‘oh, kid is ill, just take it as it comes’ or are there others out there who are a bit more sensitive to their children being ill and start to overthink things? I’m hoping some other perspectives will help me with how to think to get even better at coping when the little ones are ill.

Great question!

For me, I rarely even raise an eyebrow if mine are ill. It just doesn’t cross my mind to worry too much.

I get baffled by people who make numerous GP appointments or go to A&E for (to me) every day normal childhood illness.

I do what needs to be done, don’t give paracetamol or ibuprofen to my kids unless they have pain or discomfort. Tend to not give it for a slightly raised temperature as I strongly believe that a temperature is the body’s normal and natural defence against infection.
Bugs don’t like heat so by heating up, it kills them within the system.

Im also probably very odd about antibiotics and will very seriously consider before giving them to my kids due to the resistance issues that are becoming a problem.
If research shows that a 5/7 day course of antibiotics only reduces an infection by 12 hours or so, I won’t give them. So far, in my 21 years of being a parent, my kids have got better without the use of antibiotics.

My experience and years as a nurse I suppose means I have spidey senses when it comes to actual serious illness with my kids. I’ve never been wrong.

All that said, I don’t have any form of health anxiety so it’s easy for me to say.

I will (as I have in the past) get ripped to shreds now because of my neglectful and crazy views. That’s ok, what works for some might not work for others.

Hi OP, I’m a worrier, trying to be better! My LO had an awful cough when he started nursery that made him vomit so now whenever he gets a cough I’m scared he is going to be sick. I do worry about things spreading through the house and how it’ll impact things - I really hate the way illness just brings normal life to a halt! My other half is much more stoic about it all. But I think we are usually the ones baby wants so it’s more intense for us maybe? On the positive side I have found that we just middle through when it comes and as we have more experience I’m hoping it’ll get less worrying x

I think about how well my parents comforted and calmed me when I was sick and frightened and I strive to emulate that same feeling for my son.

I’m curious, do some parents just think ‘oh, kid is ill, just take it as it comes’

Yes, for standard temps/colds/viruses where there are no concerning symptoms, that's what I think. I like to think I have a reasonably good idea of what requires medical help, and what can just be dealt with at home (which is obviously the vast majority of things they're likely to catch, for an otherwise healthy child).

I'm not a worrier and it doesn't really occur to me to get concerned when my dc are ill. I've never gone to A&E or even the GP for any childhood illnesses, though I guess I'm lucky that they've never had anything serious. Generally I just use Google (check a range of websites but all sensible ones), give them fluids and sometimes Calpol and let them rest. We've somehow been very lucky and it's rare for illness to spread in our household, even vomiting bugs.

The main thing I worry about tbh is missing out on something we've booked, as we often have a lot of ticketed events booked and paid for, or parties planned etc. But my dc tend to bounce back quickly so we've only missed out on a few occasions.

Hey im bit of both- depending on the illness and which child- my youngest son has been in hospital twice -once for pneumonia and once for tonsillitis so when he gets a cold like illness with a temperature i worry, otherwise im generally not a worrier i keep their fluids up as much as possible water/juice/tea whichever they want i don’t bother much with medicine unless they are in pain or are uncomfortable- im not worried about giving for a temperature as long as they are not suffering with it, not worried if they aren’t eating much as long as they are drinking and ride it out xx

I usually just see what happens. Most of the time, a paracetamol and some sleep is all that's needed and they're right as rain the next day. I check on them during the night and give them a hug or a paracetamol or a drink if they need and can take it. I remember my mum being much the same when I was a child.

I'm not a worrier as I've had a child with allergies for 11 years. But since the start of this year my second has been having very high temperatures around 40/41.5 degrees. We've had to be sent straight to A&E as he wasn't responding to antipyretics, complaining of a sore neck and screaming that the lights are hurting his eyes.

I would usually give meds at home, use cold compress to get temp down. Once DH collected him from school and continued working at home. I walked in from work at 5pm and he looked like he was having a seizure. Dropped toddler and picked him up, ran out the door to the out of hours doc and he was just under 41 degrees so off to hospital.
He's having another episode since last time, temp 39 degrees. We've given meds and hopefully it doesn't go any higher.

Who is doing what at work that day and which of us needs to take the day off/wfh.

Only a handful of times have I been anxious about the actual illness. Mostly they are self limiting and not serious.

Prior to this year, he's never been ill. So I'm getting a bit worried. He's had two episodes of pityriasis lichenoides (according to dermatologist). We're waiting for a third episode to confirm diagnosis and then decide treatment options.
During one of his temperatures, he was so delirious and in pain he started asking if he's going to die (he's eight years old). I couldn't entertain the thought as I lost a sibling at a young age and I always think of them especially since I had my own kids.

DD is 8 and I get very anxious when she is unwell because I have emetophobia and she tends to vomit with a cold, cough, high temp - not just a sickness bug. But I know that's my phobia and is not a normal response to regular childhood illnesses. I'm not worried about the illness as such, or that it could be something more serious, etc, it's purely the phobia. She often spikes temps of 40c with a common cold, I'm not worried about the fact her temp is so high, what I am scared of is her being sick.

High temps and going to bed worry me because not to make you feel.worse but my toddler had fits from their temperature once. I just sleep in the same.room as them if they are really poorly but if it's coughs and colds etc i just do fluids, medicine I know you've tried and make sure they are comfy etc the only time I would overly worry is if they went more floppy, had a rash or ridiculous high temp

Practical stuff like who can stay home with them. Do we have calpol/nurofen in etc But DS is 9 now and we’ve got most of the nursery illnesses out of the way.

No one prepares you for the alarming frequency that babies and preschoolers get sick and the huge variety of illnesses they get. It’s just not covered in the baby books,

It surprised me that he was ill more than me but then he was building his immune system, illness is normal and to be expected, that’s how they become healthy adults.

Thank you everyone for your comments, I really appreciate it.

I hate it. DS has had seven months of back to back ENT issues/ colds/ bronchitis / sinuses every year except the COVID lockdowns. He’s now nearly 8. Kindergarten (until nearly 7) sent him home every time he coughed. School (his second year) don’t, fortunately, but he had nearly four weeks off last year. I catch his illnesses quickly and had two bouts of terrible bronchitis last year which exacerbated a chronic back problem and gave me a prolapse. I now go into flight or fright at the sign of a sniffle.

We’re also regulars at the ENT practice where we’ve had several interventions for sleep apnea, adenoids, tonsils and directly related issues like speech difficulties.

My youngest gets very bad episodes of wheezing when he gets a cold. For him I'm mentally packing a hospital bag at the first sniffle as we had 8 trips to hospital last winter. A&E have never once said that we shouldn't have brought him though and he generally gets seen in a few minutes.

I have to admit I am a worrier when DD gets ill. My toddler had a febrile convulsion once without even having a very high temperature and at the time I didn’t know what it was and thought she was going to stop breathing. Even though she hasn’t had one since I still get nervous at the first sign of fever and sleep in her room.

Vomiting bugs also make me nervous as they are just so awful and I dread getting ill too. I also worry about my ability to judge between a normal illness that can be treated at home and something worse.

OP 37.3 isn't a fever on a 8 month old. That is a normal temp.

I think preparation and knowledge is key in giving you back control in an uncontrollable situation.

First aid training and knowledge of common childhood illnesses.
Well stocked first aid kit and medicine cupboard.
Supply of cleaning supplies, body spill granules / cat litter to soak up vomit.
Enough food in the house that we DD was small I could feed us both without taking a sick child to the shops - less essential if you aren't a single parent.

I always keep a small suitcase packed, it is prepacked for worktrips so toiletries, sleepwear, underwear, spare chargers are always ready to go and I just add laptop and day clothes for work trips. When it's stored at home I have some packing cubes I take out when I go on worktrips one with clothes that could double as day or sleepwear for DD and me - leggings, t-shirts, jumper. This is after I had to go to hospital and had no one to get me supply's as I was away from home, now I just keep the suitcase packed so I can grab and go or someone can bring it to me without rifling through my drawers.

In terms of what I think, I expect to get whatever she does so if she's got a sickness bug I eat plain food too and take it easy.
I've never had an issue getting Calpol in her - it sounds like it's a technique issue more than anything or she doesn't like the flavour. Mix it with some yogurt next time.

I try not to give Calpol / Ibuprofen unless it's really necessary as I think it's important for the body's immune system to do it's job, the fever is to fight the infection bringing it down just prolongs the illness so would give it for an ear infection but not for a mild fever, obviously if the fever was very high I would.

I'm a terrible worrier to be honest.

When it comes to high temperatures, issues with breathing that things like croup brings and when an illness is making it difficult for them to drink.
Internally I panic, but try not to show it. Funny thing is I'm not one who gives calpol or nurofen unless I can see they are having difficulty.
Part of my issue is being so far a proper hospital and knowing that an ambulance may not arrive in time if needed.
Daytime I'd say I'm better, it's the nights are the longest and most worrying. I always sleep next to them if ever they are clearly unwell.
Things like oximeters have given me some reassurance when I've been worried, but I still don't sleep well.

I always jump to worse case scenario...like what if its sepsis, meningitis, cancer ect.
then my rational nursing head kicks in and I'm like he has no red flag symptoms so then just run with it.
I always say to my husband at work nothing makes me flap but the minute my child gets ill im
flapping inside.

Depends on the illness. Stomach bugs I don't deal with well at all as I'm emetaphobic. Husband does as much as he can. I worry about missed work and what needs cancelling too.

Coughs I worry about sleep but it's usually fine with things like propping the head of bed up and a humidifier. I worried much more with my oldest as she had hospital admissions with struggling to breath with croup and bronchiolitis but we were good at dealing with it calmly and she grew out of it and second DD has no such issues.

Colds and high temperatures are annoying but we just get on with it with calpol if required. I recommend suppositories if your baby won't take it well orally. They are expensive but it was the only way when DD2 was a baby. She takes it orally now.