DD is 4 next month. On several occasions I’ve thought about posting on here but I’m not sure I can accurately describe what she’s like. I’m going to try my best.
DD was always highly strung and quite ‘high needs’ as a baby. She needed me to bounce her constantly in the sling for her to sleep, she wouldn’t be put down at baby groups etc. she’s always been an observer when outside of home. I’ve been attending a weekly toddler group with her since she was a baby and she still just sits of my lap and won’t get up to get an instrument etc without me going with her. She also won’t play with another child, even at nursery. When we go to soft play I have to go in with her and she is permanently by my side. We recently had to stop swimming lessons after a year because she was making zero progress and clinging onto me constantly and wouldn’t go to the teacher for anything. She also will not play independently whatsoever which is quite exhausting. However, she does really enjoy nursery and has been very happily going to her settling in sessions for school.
At home she is very challenging. She has been having extreme meltdowns since she was 18 months. She will scream and scream for a long time and it can get quite intense. I’ve had to restrain her on occasions because she has been so out of control. She shouts quite often if she doesn’t get what she wants. She makes demands in quite a rude tone e.g “get me water now!” Or “move out of the way!” When she speaks to us like this we tell her we won’t get what she is asking for unless she can ask in a nice way. I’ll say “can you think of a kind way to ask me that?” We are always firm with boundaries and don’t give in even when the tantrum gets really bad but that doesn’t seem to have made an impact. She is just very stubborn and will keep on and on with it.
she is also very rough with DS (18 months). If he is sitting where she wants, she’ll shout “I was sitting there!” And she’ll start pushing him away. She can be very kind and loving towards him but I’m always very cautious when they’re together because of how she’ll treat him in terms of shouting, being rough, snatching.
She is only like this at home and nursery have never experienced any of this. On days she is at nursery she seems to come home very happy so I’m hoping she’ll be happier in general when she’s at school every day.
I have been very patient with her in all of this. I have followed advice from “how to talk so kids will listen…” and Big Little Feelings, Kate Silverton BUT at this stage my patience is wearing thin. I don’t shout at my children but I am sounding shorter with DD and I hate to hear my voice like this.
Is there something going on with DD or is this just her temperament?