Mum guilt - Gym crèche

[Annabmama]

Hey, I’m just wondering if anyone else feels like this. DD is 14 months old, I went back to work 8 weeks ago and she goes to nursery 3 days a week. She’s a happy baby and doesn’t mind this at all.
Before I went back to work about 2/3 times a week we’d go to the gym, DD would go in the crèche for an hour or so and I’d do a Pilates class. We’d been doing this since she was 8 weeks old and I never felt guilty.
Now I’m back at work I’ve been continuing this but all of a sudden I feel so guilty, we go on the two days I’m not at work and DD is home with me, I do a Pilates class from 9.30-10.30 both days. DD currently naps from around 9.30 -10.45/11 so she is asleep for the entire time I’m gone but I feel awful!!
It also got me thinking in a few months she will drop morning nap and the crèche is only open 9-1 so I’m not sure I’ll be able to leave her there awake and not feel overwhelmed by guilt.
Does anyone else feel like this? I’ve not really had such a strong sense of mum guilt until now but I feel so selfish wasting our precious time at the gym!

Do you do something nice for her those two afternoons?

While she’s napping I’d certainly feel no guilt!!

once she’s stopped napping that’s a bit different. If she is happy to be left I’d do it still but if she is crying and upset I’d probably feel too guilty. Presumably you do other things with her too, so I wouldn’t feel too guilty about an hour or two a week if she’s happy enough.

Both days we follow up the gym with a baby activity together (swimming one day and sensory group the other), then afternoon is a walk/meeting friends for coffee or just letting DD have her afternoon nap on me and playing together in the house. Still feel so guilty though!

Could you drop one day and do one day Pilates and one day focus on your dd? I do think putting her in a crèche for 2 days is a lot but one day would be a good compromise?

Unless she is distressed at being in the gym creche, this is absolutely fine and great for you to get some exercise, as she gets older it will be great for her to see you looking after yourself like this. You’re working less than half the week, so you’re already prioritising her in that way. I am a few years further on from you kids age wise, but I would recommend Motherkind on instagram for some useful and interesting thoughts on mum guilt, nip that in the bud now.

It’s fine! Go to your Pilates class. Mine was like velcro and after that I was just bloody knackered, took me 3 years to do any kind of exercise. Take care of your health, it’s important for both you and the baby.

It's a great idea! Yes, keep doing it. An hour in the crèche will be good for her even once she drops her nap and it helps to keep you fit and healthy too, it's a win win. I wish I'd had similar when my DC was a baby.

Don't be ridiculous. OP's attending a 60-minute Pilates class twice a week doesn't amount to "putting (DD) in a crèche for 2 days." This type of hyperbole is exactly why OP is agonizing over her perfectly sane and healthy approach to her two days off.

OP, good on you for not losing track of your own physical and emotional needs. It will do your relationship a world of good that her mother isn't a martyr but a fully rounded human being.

You need that time and should not feel guilty. A break and doing something for you makes you a better mum in the long run.

If you were at home and she was napping, it would be your time to do as you please. A pilates class is a good option. You can reassess when she stops napping but it's only 1 hour.

@Annabmama

stop feeling so guilty! It's an hour not a whole day!! Even when she's not napping she'll be getting attention from other people, playing with different kids/toys etc

you might find when she's a bit older that she tells you to 'go away' as she wants to play longer!!

Give yourself a slap & stop being so daft!!

It's only an hour! Even once she drops the morning nap if she's happy to be left then definitely do it. You matter too.

I would say just don't be really rigid about it and as she grows, keep considering your options. It might be that it starts working better for you to go in and evening and skip bedtime 😉

You can't imagine it now, but when she's 3, she won't nap, you could go out for full days and you'll probably want to make the most of the time before school starts!

I wouldn't want time away from my baby or toddler five times a week but it's about your feelings not us. It goes by so quick to me.

Go to your classes! You're not leaving her all day, it's a much needed break for you, and longer term, an investment in your future health and fitness.

If she's asleep it's no problem, but when she drops her nap she'll be in an unknown situation unlike her current nursery set up.

Sometimes feeling guilty is guiding us towards other scenarios. Could you change your gym class to one in the evening? Or could grandparents look after her whilst you do it?

Could you do a workout session where you could bring her along too?

I would LOVE to be able to do what you're doing.

"Don't you feel guilty leaving her in creche?"
"No, I feel guilty when I snap at her/can't run around with her because I haven't looked after myself".

She's asleep. She needs her sleep. You need your exercise.

I wouldn't feel guilty about someone else watching her while she is asleep. It's not like she gets the benefit of you being there.

When she drops her nap, I have to admit that, if she's already in nursery for 3 full days, I personally wouldn't choose to use childcare on my days off on such a regular basis. I'd look to swap to doing a class at lunchtimes on my work days, or in the evenings or before DH goes to work, instead.

IME you might also find that slot is when a lot of toddler activities run (as they tend to switch to having a longer nap after lunch), so you may be limiting what you can do with DD if you do a class for yourself then. Although it sounds like there may be more available in your area than there was in mine!

Relax. Take the time for yourself. Is someone making you feel guilty? You are exercising to take care of your mind and body. You aren't out raving.

Unfortunately as far as I can see none of those are options work. In the evening DH gets to go do his workouts, he works long hours and has no time at lunch, he also has DD while I go to tennis on a Wednesday so it’s fairer to alternate. I also really like spending time with DH in the evening and would pick that over working out.
Grandparents all live up north, lunchtime not really viable, could look for a class DD can come to but I imagine she would age out of that very quickly as she entered the toddler years.

Im not worried about it being an unfamiliar environment, she has been there when awake before (before starting nursery and during school holidays as I am a teacher and she does TTO nursery). I also think it’s really a positive thing to have her get used to lots of different environments and be able to adapt quickly. She goes to crèche when we are on holiday for example and has to adapt quickly then.

I guess the guilt just comes from it being a selfish choice, when she has spent 3 days in nursery to then go to crèche for an hour.
Obviously if DD seemed unhappy we would change the plans immediately.

Im finding juggling work and being a mum quite rough, I’d much rather be at home with DD all the time, but who wouldn’t!

Yeah I hear you, I couldn't work out juggling work so just do the SAHM thing. We can't rely on GPs either and I need evenings with DH. It's hard to balance self care with work and with how much childcare you feel is right for your child.

I wouldn't feel guilty about putting her in childcare, I'm sure she's used to it after ging since she was young. For me there would be a missed opportunity to do certain classes as there were some really amazing classes that we'd have missed out on at that time (I chose my nursery days specifically so we still had those days together). I didn't need a gym creche as I would just work out at home while she napped or in the evening once she was in bed.