Better to be a single mum or Risk not having kids?

[AccioCheese]

Hi all,

i could really use some advice..

Im 31 and pregnant, my partner of 2 years broke up with me as we had a massive disagreement about keeping the baby as he didn’t think we were financially ready for a kid however I wanted to keep it. The resentment he had for me ended up in us breaking up and me moving out back with my parents (we now live in two different cities)

he says he grew up without a dad and he says it would be selfish to bring a kid into the world where the parents aren’t together.

I never wanted to be a single mum and It’s been a week and I’m still heartbroken (he’s started talking to someone he use to date)

Im 31 never had kids but always wanted them thinking id be with a loving partner who supports me. Im scared if I have an abortion (I’m 9 weeks now) by the time I get over the heartbreak and ready to date it will be too late to have kids.

Would it be selfish to bring a kid into a world where the dad is going to be flakey? We also live in two different cities so co parenting will be hard. I don’t know how I can carry this baby when I’m so heartbroken as I still love him but watching him move on would also kill me.

I am a single parent, by adoption. The best thing - and hardest! - I have ever done. And even in the most difficult moments I have never regretted it.

Yes, it has been hurtful for DD that her birth family didn't step up.

But she knows she is loved by me, my family and many other people along the way who.have become family. And she is thriving.

That is so lovely to hear and so inspiring x

There are lots of very happy children raised by mothers with no dad in the picture. Kids really don’t care if their parents are in a relationship, especially if it’s all they’ve ever known is they aren’t. It matters that they are toxic wastes of space. He can be a great dad without being in a relationship with you. Will he be? Who knows. But it sounds like this is more about controlling you than wanting a happy child for him. Take him out of the equation and decide if you want to be a parent right now.

I don't have an answer for you, but whatever you decide, please know that it's definitely not too late for you.

I'm 37 and about to have my first. I have several friends who had their first child in their late 30s or even early 40s. It's becoming much more normal now and all had healthy pregnancies and babies.

Do you have a support network op?

of course it isn’t selfish. It’s your body, your decision. If you want the child have it. Seems like your ex is trying to emotionally blackmail you into aborting for his benefit — the fact is if he was a decent guy he would accept your choice and be making arrangements for 50/50 custody. What a loser he is. You’re well rid of him.

You can’t know whether he will be a good dad or not unfortunately. So, take him out of the equation completely, imagine he has been hit by a bus.

Would you go ahead with the pregnancy? If so then go for it!

Your child might be a bit sad that his/her parents aren’t together (I’m a single parent and mine feel like this sometimes) but with one good, loving parent they turn out pretty well 😊

Yes I’m lucky that I have a big family who all support me.

as much of a dick that he is
his mum is also very supportive and is willing to help