Is 45 year too late to become a father?

[patins]

I am almost 37 years old and found out that I am pregnant for the third time. The pregnancy was not planned and I don't know if I can go through with an abortion. However, I can't stop thinking about my husband and the fact that he will be almost 46 years old when this baby is born. Do you think 45 years is too late to become a father? Please give me your honest opinion...

Don't be ridiculous. I was 38 and DH was 47.

My friend became a father for the first time in his very late 50s. They seem happy. 45 is not too old.

Not at all.

My dad was 46 when I was born. He was a very good father - not an overly energetic father, but kind, wise and patient and taught me a great many things. He died when I was 34, so I had him long after I had established my own way in the world. Only downside was he didn't get to be a grandad for very long and was unwell and elderly by the time my children were born. So my children have missed out but I certainly didn't.

It’s not too old. Not ideal, but nothing dreadful.

My Grandad was 45, and my grandmother 42, when they had their first child in 1944 (my Mum). They had another in 1948. They lived until nearly 100 so that had no effect.

Rock stars do it too!

I say it's fine if the baby is wanted.

@Namerchangee I completely agree about quality time over quantity, my late Mum was fantastic. Unfortunately, she developed a chronic condition and died in her 60’s when I was still in my 20’s. So we didn’t have as many years as I would have liked, but the ones we had were great. 💐

I was 41 and my husband almost 45 with our first. He is fitter than he was at 23, runs marathons (so do I), is in a management role (so am I), is careful with money and a great guy.

We were the same. And we were healthy, financially stable and ready for a family by the time I got pregnant (which we definitely weren't when we were younger!).

So I don't think 40s is too old for a man or woman.

I think it's fine but more importantly what does he think?

No

Just re-read your OP though . Firstly what does your husband think about the pregnancy, idea of another child ? And secondly, in a way, whatever his thoughts, if you are not comfortable having an abortion, then I don't think you should feel pushed into doing this .

I am very sorry for your loss.

That was not what I wanted to hear, but I appreciate your honesty. Do you think it had an impact on what age you decides to have children?

Perhaps I was not able to express myself correctly as English is not my first language, but what I meant was being a father of a newborn at 45. Our children are 6 and 3 years old, but he was not almost 46 when they were born. I did not mean that one should not have children at the age of 45, but wonder if it is too late to have another child (in the sense of seeing them grow, be present and active in their life as much as to their siblings). I did not mean to offend anyone.

To those asking: he is on the fence about this as well, more than me. He says he respects my choice whatever it is, but I cant shake the feeling that I may be forcing someone to be a father (for the third time) i a later age and when he is not very excited about it.

I'm 43. My youngest (DS3) is three. There isn't much in it really agewise. He is the joy of my life. Your DH will find the same.

On Tuesday this week, my colleague died. He was 50 and left three children with his wife. He was killed by a lorry that knocked him off his bike on the way to work.

I am telling you this because life is fragile, it can be snapped away so quickly, but at 50 with another 30-40 years ahead, his youngest kid that is 7 has lost a lot.

My point is that your DH will be around for 40 years if you are lucky. Maybe more. And you are 37, not old at all.

My dad's mum passed in her thirties when he was 16. I suspect he would not have minded here being 46 at birth and having been around into his forties.

I think you get what I'm saying.

My DH was 45 when DD was born - l was 35. She has got loads of friends with dads the same age so l would say no - my dad was 40 when l waa birn but was an old dad

I think it’s a bit old, but what’s the other option? Your child isn’t born…

I’m sorry it isn’t what you wanted to hear but it did have a lasting effect on me, practically and on my character and relationships, even now.

I do think you have to bear in mind that my Mum was also 45 and already ill with arthritis when she had me and I found that harder than my dad being older. If she’d been 37 and healthy at my birth I think my childhood would have felt less sad and more secure.

I’m happily married (for 22 years now) but I chose not to have children as spending time with them is something I’ve never enjoyed. Why? I don’t know.

What do you feel the practical difference is now to compared to 3 years ago when you had your youngest?

My wonderful dad was 55 when I was born (2nd marriage) he was amazing,loads of fun, loads of energy- did more with me than my much younger DM. He died at 86 and was extremely active with grandchildren until late 70s. Agree with a lot of PP age is not the only factor- general health ,lifestyle and luck plays a part.

I had my first dd at 25 - second surprise baby at 40- bit nervous about my age but now at 2 years old she makes me feel younger and more alive strangely.

No. My DH’s dad was that age when he was born and it’s never been an issue. He is a good dad and a good grandad to our son and is still in good health now in his seventies.

My partner was 44 & me almost 37 when we had our first, him 46 and me 38 when we had our second. I wouldn't want to have been any older myself personally but wouldn't mind if the dad was slightly older.

I do hope I'm alive to meet any grandchildren. But my mum died 55 and my dad 69. So relatively young. Others die even younger. But many live into their 80s and 90s. My dad was a very active grandparent at 68 - through tunnels at playground etc.

My experience was closer to yours than the people saying there's no issue whatsoever.

My dad was also 45 when I was born, and while he didn't die in his mid 60s, he developed dementia at that age and I spent much of my 20s and early 30s dealing with that. I never really had a normal relationship with him as an adult and he wasn't there to see me get married.

DM was five years younger than him and also had serious health issues, so that phase of caring for elderly parents started in my 20s, which was really tough.

I lost them both within a year of each other in my mid 30s. I'm sure some will say that's no big deal, they saw me into adulthood, etc, but I am definitely an outlier amongst my peers and it can feel quite isolating.

OP, the best thing you can do if you go ahead is make sure you both look after your health and make contingency plans in case anything happens. Hopefully you'll both live long and healthy lives, but the risks are a bit higher when you're older so you should mitigate them as best you can.