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Should I persevere with BF or move to formula?

9 replies

glasshalffull0 · 11/07/2024 12:21

Had baby 2 weeks ago, had difficulties with milk production but we finally have good production. The issue I have with EBF is that I just find it so relentless and overwhelming. I have a large bust so there’s no way I can discretely feed in public, I’m constantly exhausted as baby wakes up to feed every 2 hours, she has constant trapped wind and it breaks my heart to see her in pain and I feel like she is so reliant on me that I have no freedom to do anything anymore

I am so tempted to introduce formula and begin the transition to being fully formula fed but the guilt is stopping me

any advice appreciated

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BertieBotts · 11/07/2024 12:38

You have no need to feel guilty whatever you choose. Our society is set up very poorly for BF and it basically means you have the odds stacked against you before you start. Plus, while it's true that if you are making a direct comparison between breastmilk and formula milk, breastmilk has advantages, that is not realistically the only thing which changes. If you take the bigger picture into account, in terms of things like convenience, mum's mental health, or many many other things all of which will be different for each family, it's not so clear cut. Sometimes there are other factors which are related which mean that overall, the decision weighs in the direction of formula or mixed feeding. And that is FINE. OTOH, sometimes people really do want to breastfeed but they are being given the wrong information or insufficient support, and I think that's a shame - it shouldn't be the case that someone who is new at breastfeeding not only has to get to grips with the breastfeeding itself but also has to seek out and evaluate their own support systems with this. It should not happen that way. Unfortunately that is often the case (so if you want to continue but struggle to find the right info/support it can be worth pushing through to find that).

What can help is: If you could imagine being able to bottle feed but have absolutely no guilt about it knowing it was the perfect thing for you, how would that feel? Relief or still something bothering you?

And if you could imagine being able to breastfeed easily without any difficulty, how would that feel? Great, or still something bothering you?

Thinking about both of those scenarios can help you work out what you feel about BF/FF as options without the noise of what other people think etc. Because ultimately by the time children are at school nobody cares which way they were fed and it doesn't matter. OTOH if it's important to you, then it's important and shouldn't be dismissed. So you should choose and pursue what feels right to you.

In terms of the relentlessness, this absolutely does get easier, it is not so intense forever. It is much more frequent and difficult when you are getting used to it, after 6-8 weeks things get easier and then they will get easier again at later points.

I am small busted so perhaps other bigger bust ladies can advise but I do feel like feeding discreetly becomes easier as you get more used to BF as well - at first it's a whole palaver with getting into the exact right position and so on but later on, you really can just sort of aim them vaguely at your breast and they do the rest themselves, which is much less stressful and you don't have to expose a lot of skin to feed at all. Currently - do you know the double top method? This is where you wear a stretchy tank top with a low cut front underneath a looser blouse or t-shirt. Lift the top layer up or unbutton, and pull the stretchy layer down. You can even cut the tank top to be lower or the neckline to be larger if you need more space as it's an under-layer meant basically to cover your tummy if you feel self-conscious about that.

mindutopia · 11/07/2024 12:39

Honestly, if you can, for now I’d keep going and see how you feel in a few weeks. I think the things you’re describing as hard are much more ‘new baby’ hard than ‘breastfeeding’ hard.

One of mine was bottle fed from about 4 weeks and the other was EBF. Both of them were up every 1.5-2 hours all night, if anything, it was easier with my bf one because we didn’t have the added hassle of going downstairs to get a bottle. The winding and stomach discomfort was definitely worse for my bottle fed one.

The feeding in public thing does take practice. I also have big boobs and I was definitely not confident at only 2 weeks. But eventually it was an absolute doddle! Having had 2 completely different feeding experiences, in the longer term, breastfeeding was definitely easier of the two. But the first weeks are hard. You’re still figuring it out and you’re tired.

Two things I’d suggest: get out to a breastfeeding group. There will be one near you. It was so helpful and refreshing.

Secondly, what else can your partner do so life is easier for you? Dh took ours from early evening until about 12/1am. He’d walk around in circles watching box sets in the lounge, so that with the exception of a feed around 10pm, I got a solid block of sleep first. Same on the weekends he’d go out for long walks in the pushchair so literally all I needed to do was sleep and eat and he’d hand baby back to me with a plate of snacks and a tea for feeds. It made a real difference. You absolutely will be back to normal life eventually, but the early weeks are hard. You just hunker down and keep everyone alive for the first 2 months.

glasshalffull0 · 11/07/2024 12:44

@BertieBotts the thought of her taking a bottle and not having to rely on me provides me with so much relief, but I know formula comes with their own issues too. Baby has also had trapped wind with past 2 days and nights after every feed which is heartbreaking and I’d do anything for that to end too

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Shesellsseashellsontheseasure · 11/07/2024 12:56

Can you try combi feeding? A bottle at night so baby get used to is? Can be formula or breast milk.

It's so hard with the guilt that comes with stopping. I've been there. It's ok to stop if you want to, I promise

Violetlightning · 11/07/2024 13:15

Congratulations 👶🏼

For the trapped wind, try baby massage. Very easy to find quick tutorials on YouTube and works a treat every time. I still use the same techniques I learnt on my toddler.

The first few weeks are always relentless and exhausting. Be kind to yourself and remember what an amazing job you've done to grow and birth your baby and now caring and loving them. It sounds like you've done a great job already EBF for 2 weeks. One thing that really helped me was cosleeping. I know it's not for everyone. But even just a nap together on your bed during the day can really recharge your batteries and make you feel a lot better about things. Sleep is everything!
I too felt useless during the day after my first, I sat around watching netflix while feeding baby and scoffing chocolate and crisps. Let me tell you, I would do anything to go back in time just to do this for 5 minutes. I purchased a fabric baby sling from freeriders. Wearing baby was a win win for everyone, it literally changed my life. I could potter around the house knowing my baby was content.

Try some new things and find which work for you. Of course you can introduce formula. Do whatever works best for you, and best for your baby. If you're keen to stay EBF for a bit longer, then push through the next 2 weeks and it'll get easier. The more time passes, the easier it'll become. You've got this 💐

Trainntrack · 11/07/2024 13:19

Tbh I think your reasons are the reasons a lot of woman introduce formula - certainly amongst my group of friends. The cluster feeding, responsibility of doing all the feeds etc becomes too overwhelming. Just do what’s right for you. The relentless feeding does get less and less though if you do decide to continue.

CanINapNow · 11/07/2024 13:23

I was very similar to you OP. Made the switch to formula at 3.5 weeks and didn’t look back. I was surprised how guilty I felt at first but after a couple of days we were all so much happier and I knew it was right for us. I loved that DH/DM could feed baby with the bottle. He’s one now and thriving.

NorthernBelles · 11/07/2024 13:27

Go for it! can you reframe it from feeling guilty about it, to feeling proud of yourself for making a choice that will work better for you both? You'll be more well rested and happier and therefore so will your baby and the rest of your family. Why feel guilt about that.

VAmum · 12/07/2024 16:20

Sorry to hear your struggles.

There's no need for you to feel guilty for whatever you choose. We all have different situations and different things to consider.

Although if you really want to continue feeding your little one with breastmilk, how about using a breastpump and bottle-fed her? I'd suggest using air-vented baby bottles as they help reduce gas/colic and keep your bub less fussy.

Of course there's nothing wrong with transitioning to formula too if you think that's the best choice for both you and your little one.

Good luck!

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