DH and the school holidays

[getyergladragson]

This is in AIBU but posting for traffic.

The 6 week holidays are approaching. I only work term-time. DH works from home full-time.There’s no routine with his work, he does as much as he wants when he wants. This is the dream but because he loves a plan and loves having things lined up all the time, he’s in and out suggesting/instructing, asking what we are doing, what time we are doing it, telling us when he’ll be free again so the kids are waiting for Daddy again, then he’s back to his office room. I just want to go with the flow.

Is it micromanaging and would you find it annoying? Do other men do this when they work from home?
They adore having him home and they all get to play together on and off in the day and the kids are happy of course so do I need to wind my neck in?

Could you all make a plan at the start of the day or week? Could stop him disrupting any plans you have and stop his micro managing?

It's probably not the point of the thread but I can't work from home if the kids are at home. For that reason I would want to know your plans so I would know I either need to work elsewhere (if you're going to be at home) or work from home (if you're going to be out).

Can you suggest you sit down and plan together?

It might be lovely for him and the kids but I can imagine how it must feel to have to keep up with someone elses plans if it does suit you.

Just because you don't work, I'm sure you have things you need/want to do too. And like you say you want to just go with the flow.

Maybe sit down and plan some days together. It's awful to have every day in the holiday micromanaged.

His office is on another floor to the living room/bedrooms so well away from the noise and he's worked from home with them around for years.

We already have plenty of nice family trips organised over the 6 weeks.

I'm thinking about the time when we just want to veg out at home for half a day or whatever. See how the kids feel at the time or perhaps they might be tired?

They love seeing him so much. I'm grateful for this but he's a natural people organiser. They need free time to choose toys/reading/whatever without someone giving times etc.

I would find this annoying. Can't you just agree in advance that he'll be free at certain times? So you can veg all morning and then daddy will pop up at 12-2 for lunch or whatever? Or I'd say we're going to the park, see you later 😂

Add every free block of time into the plan as "Chill time". All changes to be agreed latest by the previous evening, at dinner time. Minimum of X hours "Chill time" per day / week.

Then define "Chill time" as you want.😉

Suggest you do some kind of planner that he can refer to without having to take over and be The Boss of Scheduling. Block out big chunks of time but call it something official-sounding like "Unstructured G3 Leisure Summit". Use marker pens and highlighters to stress the importance of elements like, "Meatball Training Programme" and "Mandarin Lessons" (chinese takeaway).

Then tell him you don't need organising because your dairy is RAMMED.

Boating123
Do u mean because of any disruption or because you want to join in what they are doing?

He wants to join in which I get. He’s trying to do it all at the same time.

They are so happy though and they have an attentive Dad. It’s just a bit annoying and I don’t know anyone else in RL who both wfh.

The summer’s usually a really positive time for us as it means more time together. I'm just interested to see how it looks for the parent who is not working and looking after the kids.

Sorry OP, I would love this! But maybe that’s because all the men I’ve ever known can’t seem to make a plan or organise anything to save their lives.

If he is free to plan his own time then he needs to take some “days off” (he can work a longer day on others to make up for it, if he wishes) and then he can take over on those days, for the whole day.

I'm a teacher and love a plan. Everyday we go out and meet up with friends or family but still have lots of relax time. I would make a 6 week wall planner and pen in activities and times. You also need days where you can have a day off and he's in charge of the children and days where he might go into the office because friends are coming over. I also make a list of house/ garden jobs and pen them in.
After 6 weeks, we've seen lots, done lots, relaxed lots and the house and garden are in good shape.

I am a teacher with a teenager and partner who works from home mostly. When he was younger, we would make a plan. If my partner’s lunch schedule didn’t fit in with our plans, I just said and he sorted himself out. If we had a chill out day, we just went with the flow a bit more. Our main issue was (and sometimes is) when he tries to work from the kitchen, meaning we have to tip toe around and can’t get drinks when we need them if he’s in a meeting - I have to make it clear this can’t happen! (He has another work space upstairs).