Partner won’t help with our baby

[Cattyhappy]

My partner doesn’t help me look after our 9 month old daughter and it’s been like this since a few weeks after I gave birth. His routine is staying up late till early hours of the morning watching TV or on his phone then will go to bed for practically the whole day whilst I look after our daughter. It’s almost like we’re doing shift work when we’re up for the day we go into the lounge and he goes to the bedroom. It really upsets me because my daughter deserves both her parents making effort to look after her and play with her. His really just not bothered he can go hours till a whole day just in the bedroom by himself sleeping/watching TV/on his phone. When I’ve spoken to him about this several times he says that’s just the way he is and that he likes his own space also that he wants a nanny to take care of our daughter when I’m not around. If he does spend time with her it’s not for long and it’s mostly sat infront of the TV. FYI his dad is exactly the same lives in his bedroom whilst his wife n young kids are elsewhere in the house.

Important to mention my partner works 4x week and has a stay-over shift he pays the rent and bills (we have agreed once I’m working again I will contribute). Just because he financially supports us does this mean he gets to relax all day and spend time away from us. Sometimes I feel mentally drained and exhausted. Tbh I don’t care if he doesn’t spend time with me I just want him to make effort with our daughter. Am I being reasonable or unfair?

I don't see this changing OP. I'm guessing he does nothing around the house as well and has always expected you to wait on him hand and foot.

You don’t care he don’t spend any time with you, that’s not a partner! just leave. He’s not a partner or a dad.

You both deserve better. What sort of financial situation will you be in if you ltb? Do you have options?

Would also assume this started long before you decided to have a child with him.

'Help' with baby. He shouldn't be 'helping' he should be bloody parenting his child!

Won't get better, bide your time until back at work, get ducks in a row then dump him.

Of course you're the reasonable one. He should want to spend time with his child and with you. Unfortunately he obviously doesn't enjoy the company of either of you and you will never be able to make him. Yet another man who thinks it's ok to behave like a teenager his whole life, but clearly he has directly followed his dad's example.
I'm so sorry OP, what a horrible way to live. Did he want to have a baby? Did you spend time together before baby arrived, what kind of things did you do? Could some of the previously shared activities be done with baby in tow?
In a more serious tack, do you want your daughter growing up thinking this is normal good partner and father behaviour? It's absolutely not, I assure you. My DH adores spending time with our children and takes an equal role in the grudge work that comes with parenting.

Why on earth are you even with him ? You're a single parent with or without him.

dont get pregnant again.
are you never going out? Leave him with the baby.
i couldn't be attracted to such a lazy disinterested man.

If you are going to be a single parent then you may as well be a single parent.

If he does 4 days on 4 days off he should be parenting on his off days. He likes his own space but when do you get your own space

Is he a selfish, self centre prick in other areas? Does he do his share in the household? Do you have access to money?

You are being reasonable.

But you don't have a partner. You have a roommate, that provided the sperm for your child, and you have sex with, that is currently providing housing, but will never be a father.

You said his father is like that. Didn't you see that before you got pregnant? The apple really doesn't fall far from the tree.

This ^

What was he like before you had the baby?

Is he depressed maybe?

What happens when you hand him the baby and go out ?

I don’t expect he will change. You are now in a precarious position due to you not working and not being married to him before you had a baby.

It doesn’t sound like he’s changed, it sounds like he’s exactly who he was before the baby but you no longer want to put up with him. Which is very sensible if a bit late. They don’t change because there’s a baby, he’s got no reason to and he sees the baby as your job/responsibility/problem. It’s not his dad’s fault btw, he’s presumably an adult who decided to become a parent yet does no parenting.

Cut and run, at least without him under your feet you’ll have less housework to do. You’ll get benefits to tide you over.

Oh come on. He’s a selfish lazy prick. I expect OP is the depressed one because she’s had a baby with a useless loser.

I’d honestly leave him. You’re a lone parent anyway.

Unacceptable!
My husband works full time and pays for everything while I'm home with a toddler (who goes to nursery) and a newborn. He still spends all of his time - often more than I do with the children!

We all need some alone time - but the fact he thinks there is nothing wrong with the fact that he doesn't want to spend time with his own child is crazy to me.

I would much rather be a single mum (which seems like you are!) than have someone around me who doesn't care about our daughter.