Toddler waking - am I handling this right?

[wefly]

DD (22 months) has been a unicorn baby.

Started sleeping through from 4 months. Into own room at 6 months and we've not had to go into her room ONCE. The most peaceful, solid sleeper.

However in the last couple months, she has started waking in the night. Sometimes crying / tantruming for milk and other times just wanting cuddles and not wanting to go back into her cot.

I have said no to the bottle (even if that means holding her whilst she screams for an hour)

Instead, I have sat in her room on the rocking chair and rocked her til she goes back to sleep. Sometimes partner takes over and one of us will rock/ cuddle til she's asleep then pop her back.

Wakes are generally once a night between 1-4am.

My questions:

• what could be causing it?

• am I right to refuse bottle?

• is anything I'm doing going to cause psychological damage (ie not bringing her into my bed/ not giving in to bottle etc)

Thanks in advance x

Could she be hungry? Is she eating well at dinner? If I feel my DS is hungry when he wakes in the middle of the night I sometimes offer a banana or some bread.

But it could just be night terrors, I think around 2 is when they start properly dreaming. So she might just be waking up and needing some comfort.

Is she still napping in day? My guess would be if so then nap is too long!

Do you offer water instead? Personally I wouldn't offer milk but I would offer water and a banana. Growth spurts played havoc with my son's sleep. The other thing is big molars coming in. They are really painful. You could try a dose of nurofen at bedtime and see if that helps.

Maybe some sort of discomfort, like a chronic ear infection?

I'm genuinely astounded by you saying you didn't have to go into her when a baby!! My 7 month old woke up about 12 times throughout the night last night, and that would be fairly typical. And same with my first born. Very jealous.

I'd offer water.

But we never brought either of ours into our bed. However, at 22 months both of ours were in their own beds which made it easier for us because at least we could lie down for a bit if we did have to go in to them at night.
Although moving in to a bed might disrupt any bedtime routine you have, as they can get out!

You are definitely not going to cause psychological damage so please don't worry about that! I would definitely offer water not milk as if you don't brush teeth straight after the milk can cause tooth decay.
Speaking from experience...I would avoid putting her in your bed or rocking to sleep as she will get used to both and then won't be able to sleep independently any more. We do 'pick up put down' so if baby wakes in the night we go in for a quick cuddle (2 mins) and put straight down and he will settle himself back to sleep. Took a lot of practice to get here but works really well!

Thanks so much for the replies.

I think the daytime nap potentially is the problem .. sometimes she has 2 hours 😬

And now thinking about it, often when waking in night, she's wide awake for ages, pointing to the door or saying "telly" cos she basically wants to get up and get on with her day🤣 I think she asks for bottle cos she thinks it's the morning (she always has bottle first thing)

Today she only has slept for 20 mins in car on way home from nursery so let's see 🙏🏼 🙏🏼

Sounds like she's sleeping for too long. I'd cap the nap at an hour personally.

I'm envious! My youngest is 18 months and wakes up for a boob anywhere between 3 and 10 times a night.

I get thirsty at night so why not a toddler?
Nightmares and imagination really pick up st this age. So you shouoe comfort them.

My DS 27months likes to make excuses not to sleep and sometimes from a place of fear. So I confort him as long as needed. He has a bittle of water with a straw attachment. And he helps himself of he wakes up. I get thirsty at night I wake up once sometimes twice for some water.

Me and my siblings had awfuo nightmares and would often venture into our parents bed older brother was 8 when he stopped.

Even when DS naps 1 hour he still has wake ups if he has a bad dream or needs comfort. At 2.5years old they do say 1.5hrs nap but each child is different.

I'd reduce the nap and make sure awake by 2 at the latest (assuming a 7pm bedtime). Big snack such as weetabix and a banana before bed.

I would leave in cot when they wake rather than rock to sleep, as you're creating another sleep association that you'll have to get rid of at some point.

Go in and settle them back down, bit of back rubbing/bum patting then leave. Repeat at lengthening intervals.

That's what I did anyway, only lasted a few nights.

I hear what you're saying about leaving in the cot. I just find it so hard when she's stood there going "mummy up" and crying.

My maternal instincts just take over and I swoop her up for a cuddle. I guess I'll just have to take the backlash if it creates any longer term issues.

Personally I'd cuddle her if needed. She's still so little and needs comfort.

@Bemusedandconfusedagain

I feel the same. I think I'd rather know that she's secure and feels safe in mummy's arms even if it means creating a few bad habits along the way xx

No need for milk in the night at that age and don't feel bad not giving it. Make sure she has enough protein at dinner so that you know she isn't hungry. Milk at night can just become a habit and they wake up for it when they don't need it

As for what's causing it, could be so many things... molars? Bad dreams? Scared of the dark? Sleep regression? Does she wake up suddenly screaming or just whimpering a little bit and then that escalates?

And these phases also just seem to end randomly, even if you don't change anything shrug !

I wouldn't give milk after brushing teeth at bedtime. I can understand the emotional pull to rock her to sleep, but for her long-term sleep habits, would urge you to reconsider.

For us, it was about the timing of naps, to make sure DS was awake by 3pm. If he woke, it was "pick up for cuddle, put down" again..