Hi mums (and dads), I need advice, please! Now bear with me, I feel the need to explain..
I'm not new to being a mum as I have an 11 year old DD. She was what was called a "textbook baby" at the time, no problems with feeding, burping, sleeping. I was very lucky. Despite this I suffered depression through her toddler stage and chose not to have anymore children. As she turned 10 I felt I was in a better place mentally and financially, so my partner and I decided to remove the copper coil, which was due for eviction anyway and not replace it with other contraception.
It took a while as we didn't actively try but eventually I was lucky enough to become pregnant and have our second daughter March this year. I find her fascinating and just a joy to be with (I know.. I know). I've found her to be advanced, she's happy to be on her feet, pulling herself up, has managed to roll herself over from her front twice now, holds her head up really well, she seems very strong. I know I may be biased but I feel that I think realistically in terms of development. She is a very go go go baby. BUT, she is what I've learnt to be a "velcro" baby, as soon as we returned from the hospital and I tried to lay her down she had none of it, of course we did try this quite a few times but she would never be happy to sleep unless she was in our arms. I didn't mind this at all as I know how fast the newborn stage passes so I was content with cuddling her 24/7.
This hasn't changed but again I'm happy to have her with and on me during the day. She is a week away from being 4 months old and I know things may be about to change with her sleep cycle, so I am actively aware of her development as weeks go by.
As I was lucky enough to have a "textbook baby" in the past when it comes to self soothing at this age, I'm noticing a big difference in my new daughter. She does the turning her head into my armpit when tired, very easy to settle in my arms, and when that fails a walk around the living room does the job. She will wake up more often than not when transferring her to the next to me in our bedroom, to which I have tried to soothe her back to sleep in her very sleepy state, but at the same time her own attempts to soothe herself seem to work at first but then it doesn't seem to satisfy her.
I've watched what she does and I see her fingers fidget almost constantly, when she is with me her arms will fidget a little but her hands and fingers will move, not so much grasping but just fidgeting, I don't know how else to describe it. To me this looks like she needs something in her hand to help her settle, when she grasp my necklace she will hold onto it and settle in my arms but when she is trying to soothe herself in the next to me her fingers are trying to do the same thing. In my attempts to comfort her when she's trying to self soothe I've offered one of those cuddly toys(?) with a small comforter/blanket attached to it, this one I have offered is either a small elephant or bunny, she fiddles with the tail or the ears of either and seems to turn into the blanket and closes her eyes, sucks her dummy and looks like it's going to work, then I see her other hand grasping her sleep bag which looks like it's going to help her settle also but then she scrunches her eyes as if she isn't getting what she needs from the comforters.
I've had these comforters with me, on me when holding her, in my armpits to see if it's because of my smell or warmth. I was hoping that that would work..
It might be worth mentioning that her moro reflex was pretty intense, she had what I liked to call "jazz arms" as she would just pump her arms when trying to settle. Not as a "reflex" but as a settling motion and it always disturbed her. We ended up using the tommee tippee swaddle bag and that did help at her newborn stage, we've progressed to letting her arms out as the jazz arms seem to have calmed down but it's like it's moved into her fingers. We had to size up the swaddle bag but now her arms being trapped seems to upset her more when she's trying to settle.
If anyone could offer advice in terms of how to help her settle with her fidgety fingers I would be most grateful. I have only really just started to try to help her self soothe, and with her seemingly doing all the actions she needs to is there anyway I can help her.
I appreciate any advice and I'm sorry for the long post. I've lurked on here without an account for advice for many years but I'm struggling to find an answer with this one.
Thank you ladies (and gents) in advance x