Partner gets face on when I want to see my friends

[ThisSpryFawn]

hi everyone! I’m a mum to a 4mo LB

i like to see my friends once a week for perhaps an hour or two at a time
my LB stops at my MIL once a week I have him 9-5pm on my own whilst my partner works mon- Friday I then have him usually Saturday and Sunday all day and I’m on my own with him from 5pm-1/2am Saturday and Sunday as my partner works at night.

tonight my friend has asked if I would like to join her to grab some food and. Go for a little drive and a catch up, when mentioning this to my partner he immediately became annoyed - he wont admint he is but his whole deminor changes - at first he suggested I take LO out ( in the car ) with us! As he ‘ sleeps well in the car’ I wouldn’t feel comfortable
doing this as if im going to be out for an hour I hate leaving LO in his car seat due to the risk of asphyxiation
it just transpired into a huge disagreement I said it feels like every time I go out it’s an issue ( when I do go out he often rings me and says he struggles to cope with LO ) resulting in me returning home.

i just need to know if I am in the wrong! And if I am I will take full accountability but at this moment in time I am
constantly questioning myself! I feel like whenever I do leave I feel immense mum guilt and like. Bad partner

please I need to know if I am the problem! Im
only young ( early 20’s) this is our first child.

thank you

Big red flag for coercion here. Don't downsize your career , always have your own money etc....

It sounds as if the problem is with him rather than you - do you think he's genuinely nervous about looking after your child on his own, or does it feel like an attempt to control? Or a bit of both?

It's controlling behaviour from him! Plain and simple.

He can't be arsed looking after your baby by himself. Sounds like he needs the practice though, so go out more.

Agree with this. Make sure you're studying so they you can have a decent job and can earn your own money.

You are not wrong.

I do have a job however I am still on maternity leave due back in October, thank you everyone for your answers, I genuinely can’t tell if he is nervous I don’t think he is as he will happily take Lo out with him if he goes anywhere like the shops or shopping centre ect, I feel guilty as he works. 7 days a week so maybe I shouldn’t just expect him to watch LO?

these disagreements we have cause me huge anxiety I’m sat on the bed and just feel overwhelmingly anxious

Please don't feel.guilty. It doesn't matter how long he works, you're still allowed to see friends and have time away from your DS and your "D"P.

Does he get to go out with his friends?

Can you see your friends when your son goes to your mother in laws?

Huge red flag for controlling (abusive) behaviour. Has he been controlling before?

Controlling and selfish!

Utterly selfish. Him that is.

Before everyone jumps on the 'controlling' wagon, I just want to know - does he get to see his friends? Yes, if course you should be able to see yours, but if he's working 7 days a week and has zero opportunity for socialising himself, then I can see why he might get grumpy. Him doing those sorts of hours isn't sustainable for him.

Hello, he does yes during the day on the weekends mostly or they come to ours after work during the evening x

To be honest I don’t think he is trying to be controlling maybe it is controlling behaviour but I don’t think he realises that that is how it comes across he really is a good man he loves me and our son huge amounts it is genuinely just these times that he is like this, thanks again for everyone’s answers, by no means do I want to give him a bad name I just needed to now if I was in the wrong, again thank you all so much 💗

Hello, thank you for your answer, he does see his friends yeah, my friends tend to go out Fridays drinking - which is something I don’t do or enjoy so I don’t get to see them on the day my LO is at his nans unless I was to go with them but it’s just an atmosphere I’m not comfortable in x

If he loves his son then surely he wants to spend time alone with him? It's the perfect opportunity for him to do so.

He needs to stop calling you too and work it out himself.

If he’s too incompetent to look after his own child, then it’s something he needs to work on, isn’t it?

I go out all the time.

Controlling behaviour. Nip it in the bud now.

Don't ask permission; say when you're going.

How often does he see his friends?

You need to stop defending him @ThisSpryFawn. He may be lovely a lot of the time and he may provide for you and your DS but right now his behaviour is not ok. In fact it's making you so unhappy that you've posted on here about it.

I appreciate everyone’s answers thank you, I will take on board what everyone has said 🤍