My 3 year old makes me want to cry.

[45redballoons]

Hello,

I have one child who is 3. I took a year off on maternity then went back to work full time. During maternity my husband worked from home so was around a lot. He does 50% of looking after her.

I always felt she liked him better, but when I went back to work she clung to me for a couple of months, however in the last 6 months she acts like she hates me. It breaks my heart. She would only want carried by him, only go to him with a book, only he could fix whatever was making her upset.

I don't know what to do as it tears me up when I go to her and she screams every time.

We both work roughly the same hours. I am out 2 nights a week but still pick her up from nursery, he goes away for work Mon-Fri or for weekends away, I don't. I always felt there was an element of the fact I would be cooking or cleaning or in the supermarket I was the one choosing food whilst he kept her entertained. I spoke to my partner about it and we tried to even those things out, but still she goes to him without fail. When he isn't there she is fine with me, but really I probably could be anyone else.

It honestly makes my time together the 3 of us so upsetting and I resent them giggling together now instead of seeing a lovely moment.

What have I done wrong? Can I fix it? Isn't it supposed to be the mum by default? I didn't breastfeed, I tired for months but we couldn't get it going, was it this?

It's nothing you've done I promise, young children go through phases of preferring one parent over the other, very normal. The fact that she's pushing you away means she's very secure in your love for her.
Spend lots of time as a family and one to one with both of you. Look at how you discipline her, are you both on the same page? Do you discipline more or less maybe? Even if you're not aware of it it might be that you're still doing less of the fun stuff?

My DD was the same, but it lasted from around ages 12-36 months for her. Never did really figure out what her reasons were, either. But then I had a DS and he's now the complete opposite - he literally hangs off me sometimes.

Try not to take it personally, it could be something or nothing for her. If you really have tried everything, just try to enjoy the freedom instead. Your time will come ❤️

I'm a SAHM @45redballoons and have spent every single day of my three year old DD's life in her company (except a few weekends away with friends or DH). When her Dad is around, he is the one she asks for. He's a very present and dedicated father, so his presence isn't a novelty or anything like that. He works from home two days a week, does lots of bed times and mornings. Alas, she just loves her Daddy! It can be a little heart wrenching at times when she goes to him first or screams for him to get her out of the carseat/brush her teeth/make her breakfast etc... but she adores him and vice versa.

I think it's a normal phase for children to be attached to one parent over another at various points in their life. My son went through the same phase at three years old, interestingly. It doesn't mean your little one doesn't love you, but it does mean that you need to be the grown up and respect their relationship. Perhaps set some time aside for quality one on one time with your daughter, free from resentment and jealous behaviour? Maybe even have some time to yourself, away from the family home to reset? Parenting is bloody hard work and children are incredibly intuitive. If you're feeling 'threatened' by their relationship, you (and your partner, who you should talk to about this too) need to find a way through it without making your daughter feel like she's doing something wrong by wanting her father's attention.