Should we split up with our one year old?!

[Missy8000]

My partner and I have been together 7 years. There's 10 years between us, but this was never an issue before we had our gorgeous little boy. When I was heavily pregnant he started getting bookings foe events that took up the whole weekend (after working all week) and having all day tattoo sessions. This carried on for at least 7 months after our son was born. After being a new mum and completely throwing myself into everything I started to feel lonely and mugged off by him. Coming in at 6am and sleeping until he was hungry (not hungover as ges tee total). Then he started going to the gym everyday on the way home and asking me to make fresh healthy food for lunch but leaving me the empty pots and sweaty gym clothes to clean. I make my little boy 3 fresh meals a day and I hardly fancy anything being so busy and tired, last thing I want is to cook lumches, dinners and wash up and tidy round all the time! I love being a mum and don't want to go the gym or out clubbing etc I want a family life with some fair time to relax at home. We now argue all the time because he thinks I'm petty, he does work hard a provide but he's missed out on a big part and I think I resent him for it. He's moved to his mums so we stop arguing and we would not shout in front of our boy, however 7 years is a long time to throw away and everything ends up tit for tat and unreasonable or tucked under the carpet, then gets worse. Should we give up and just try and be the best parents we can. Sex lifes been dead and I'm always to tired to care if he feels rejected and he's not really got the patience for my needs My stomachs in knots all the time and wondering if it is all me??!!! He's a 100 miles an hour and its emotionally draining me. 😪

On a typical week how much of the time is he "dad". It doesn't sound like he is a lot of the time.
Children need stability and happy connections with parents. Sometimes that has to happen outside of the nuclear family.

My sister and her husband split up when their daughter was 3 and it was the best thing they could have done for her. She didn't have a dad when they were together. He was too busy being an abusive husband to be a dad. He is a much better father not being in a relationship with my sister and my sister is a much better mother when she isn't living in fear.

I know the domestic abuse doesn't fit with what you have said but right now it sounds like you are playing mother to a 7 months old and your parent. I would ask yourself some long hard questions about what support you get in the relationship and what being alone might look like with and without dad involved.

It sounds very much like he is fighting to hold on to his old life. Is this a last ditch effort to have the single life or is this the life he wants and intends to carry on leading? I'm not sure how well the family unit will continue when you are living completely separate lives.

however 7 years is a long time to throw away

Have those 7 years been 7 happy years? It doesn't sound as though the last one was. How was he when you were PG and before?

How would you feel if the next 7 years were as unhappy as the last one?

What was the discussion about how parenting would be handled before you had your child? Has this agreement been adhered to?

Have you thought about couples therapy?
It might help you both get clarity on what you want (together or apart) and where things have gone wrong.

Thank you for your reply. He usually spends an hour or last bottle after a long 12 hour day and absolutely loves that time, but he does work a long day so can't knock him for that but he only started the gym daily since we had our boy. Extra hour on his day and that's why weekends are so valuable. I'm not sure ot hope he is edging for the single life but definitely intends to keep to his routine for his mental health.

Sorry to hear your sister suffered an abusive relationship, I spent 20 years with someone like that and luckily we didn't have any children together in that time. My second relationship (2 years), ended up being two years of lies, deceit and narsassim and tons of cheating with a guy who turned out gay! This relationship has been the best and my partner has a heart of gold in comparison.

Sadly, in anger and frustration, I have said some awful things to my partner and he's taken them so literally that they are his main issue and seems to be saying it's a 50/50 blame. Which, to keep peace, I will just go along with.

Thanks for your reply. They were good years, we were both party people but after a few years he became tee total and my life had to change too. I did enjoy our time until he started going out, even though he calls it works at his events, its still being out and about. I dony like the music or else I probably would have gone sometimes but it's not the same going out and not having drinks!

We were all set to be equal living parents but the opportunity arose for him to do what he loves doing, all at the wrong time. I would have liked to have thought home life was more important and expected to much maybe?

It could be a possibility, we took the time together to see if we were able to have children and so it could be an option. I just think he's written it all off now from the way he's speaking. We will see 3xah other evert day while he continues to keep a daily routine and contact, which is going to be tough .

He's absolutely taking the piss. You know he is. He barely sees his kid but can fit in an hour a day to look like a sweaty ham- in the gym, buggers off at weekends too? to look like an inky sweaty ham-

I would have my suspicions about whether he's faithful as well, being out of the house that much, being checked out and having zero sex at home.

He might be an improvement on your last boyfriend. That doesn't mean he's actually good enough. Your attitude seems to be that you've spent seven years with him, so you might as well chuck in another 40 or so to avoid the upheaval of finding someone who's not a massive piss taker.

Some men just turn out to be too selfish to be good parents. He sounds like one. I very much hope you told him to fuck off with the washing and cooking requests.

Not telling you to leave him, but it doesn't sound like a relationship that will last to your child's 18th.

One would assume that he would live being a parent more and understood that some personal sacrifice would be required?

however 7 years is a long time to throw away and everything ends up tit for tat and unreasonable or tucked under the carpet, then gets worse.

Its not going to get better - 7 years is enough time to know.
Dont get caught up in the time invested, you'll never get it back and you deserve more

Ha yes. 'we we're committed to being equal parents but then something came along he wanted to do more, so he's left it all to me'

People do have demanding careers and balance it with parenthood. They do it by spending their free time with their child to ensure the other partner has some free time.