Help with reducing screen time

[HopefulBeckie]

Please don’t judge me for allowing my 20 month old screen time 🙈
At first it was just a little. But then my parents & in-laws would let him watch tv almost all day. So he started screaming all the time to watch teletubbies or the wiggles. I try my best to distract him with toys & crafts on days I’m not able to go out but it either entertains him for 5 mins or he starts screaming because he doesn’t want to do anything but watch tv.
His tantrums are really getting to me and I know tv is the cause so I’m banning it for at least a week. But I know it’s going to be super tough and would appreciate any advice

Are your parents and parents in law on board?

Not great for them to be resorting to lots of TV at that age, but at the same time they're exhausting at that age and only going to get more so, so I can't say I blame them either.

When I was at my parents yesterday I mentioned it to my mom and she agreed. I left the room for 5 minutes and when I came back the tv was on because he was pointing to the tv and saying “I want” 🙃

Oh dear. 🙈 How much childcare do they do? You'll have an uphill battle if it's a lot.

I guess start by stopping it in your house.

Difficult to put rules in place if grandparents are giving free childcare. You'll have to weigh it up.

I’m a psychologist and can’t quite explain what I experienced but certainly with my DD as a toddler screens were like a drug that made her very angry. Even after 5 minutes of being used for ‘babysitting’ while I showered. The problem was solved thus. (TV unplugged, iPad battery rundown) ‘oh no it’s broken, oh dear’
tantrum ensues, gets over it, within a couple of days No more.

the research is coming in thick and fast - screens are bad. 20 mths is particularly young. Nip this in the bud while you still have control.

if your parents won’t get on board they are part of the problem

A 20th old would be happy snapping twigs or using a box as a den - they self amuse very easily

My in laws have him in a Friday & my parents on a Saturday. Sometimes my in laws have him a bit more. But yeah I would hate to stop him spending time with them unless I’m there. I’d have to put him into nursery and cannot afford to do that.
It’s been a hell of a morning already. My husband is trying to calm him down but I can hear he isn’t having any luck 😕

That’s a good idea. I will try to use that one

My children are much older but I just hide phones and controls to make them have screen free time. Also, strict rule that there are no electronic devices in bedrooms overnight, DH and I leave our phones downstairs as well.

There are always compromises if you get grandparents to do childcare, you'll have to decide if the free childcare is worth it to you. Once you get your DC used to no screens at home then try and get the grandparents on board to make it easier for them.

Ah ok, I thought maybe he was with grandparents five days a week, that's not so bad.

We don't allow ours TV midweek but they get plenty at weekends, so personally I would be fine with the grandparents using it a bit (although my DC are older).

At this age it's really not good that he's craving tv this much. Surprising too.

I think you have to be led by your own child rather than notions of what the right amount of screen time is. My son has always loved watching a bit of Pingu or a Julia Donaldson animation and we let him and don't really tally it up because he can take it or leave it and would rather play with toys or be outside given the option. I think if he was reacting to telly like your son is I'd be banning it altogether.

We have a pull down projector that we watch programmes on so there's no telly looming in the corner as a constant reminder. Maybe you could get rid of the tv.

We had the same problem, our dd became emotionally reliant on TV or it was meltdown city. She lost the ability to entertain herself too, which obviously contributed to the meltdowns.

We went cold turkey and just said "no screens". Knowing it was going to be tough helped because we were able to prepare ourselves emotionally also to deal with it. Honestly, she forgot about it within 3-4 days, didn't even ask for it and learned to play by herself again. It was a rough ride but we managed it by staying really patient.

Now we use it when one of us is home alone and needs to do something essential like shower or toilet. I used it last week to quickly cut the grass while knowing she was safely distracted. But we always limit to 5 mins and make sure she is the one to turn the tv off (which she quite enjoys, weirdly!) and that seems to be a good balance for us. It doesn't have to be all or nothing forever.

Messy play is great fun for kids that age as it entertains them for ages and i find it holds their attention span more

do you have a garden? Get him a pain brush with a bucket of water and let him paint the floor/fences or jusy give him various pots and bowls and a spatula to pour water.

sandkits, playdough are good

Or you can get or make washable paint, one of my fav lockdown activities with my toddler at that age was to get her in the bathtub with these paints and let her go to town on the bathtub.

Luckily kids that age adapt quickly, so you can do it, but you just have to handle the cold turkey part.

(P.s totally not judging either, some parents are able to be really
disciplined and careful when avoiding screen time but I would say the vast majority of us use the tv with our kids, because sometimes it's 7am and you have 15 mines to get yourself dressed, feed the dog, tidy up after breakfast, find the ballet uniform and pack it ready for later, iron husbands shirt and put on deodorant and you know the only way you have a shot at that is if the toddler isn't also trying to throw themselves of the sofa as well and is safely distracted for 5 mins while you race around doing that (and bonus! You don't have to keep opening and closing the staircase in the process!) just a random example... totally not based on my house this morning...)

Get out of the house! Can’t ask to watch TV if you’re not home, it keeps everyone busy and fresh air is great. Waterproofs if the weather is shitty or go to soft play or similar.

Would the ILs and your parents be up for a toddler group or activity? You probably can’t rock the boat too much if they’re providing free childcare and they’re older and 20MOs are full on so they probably need the break. Honestly nursery would be best but if you can’t afford it then you can’t afford it. However, if you could book a morning class then travel time and lunch, then nap, it should at least severely limit the amount of TV he watches there.

To reset after higher levels of screen use we need to go in hard and seriously limit it.
This is usually when she has been ill and then gets used to the screens or recently when we had a 1400km drive to do over 2 days. In these situations she gets films rather than tv but she was probably 2.5-3 before she engaged with films.
We make use of the timer on the TV so it turns itself off after 10 minutes. TV is tired it's gone to sleep it can't turn back on.
Fit the TV show to the length of time you seem acceptable. We found that 3 10 minutes shows was a lot more stimulating than 1 30 minutes Julia Donaldson.
Keep an eye on how they respond to each show. My daughter is a bit older, nearly 4 and most shows she is happy to watch one episode and then turns the TV off herself. Paw patrol is like a drug and she never has enough of it so she very rarely gets this and only when we can actively step in turn it off
I find non children shows are often better in terms of not being super engrossing. At 20 months my daughter like the masked singer. She loved the singing costumes but the talk in between didn't hold her attention so she would go off an play. She now loves Lego masters and the great pottery throw down.

Do you have a timer function on the tv? Definitely make use of it, tell him the tv needs a rest/gone to sleep and don’t allow it to go back on. Similarly we have all the CBeebies apps on the iPad limited to 20 minutes per day, DD doesn’t often play on it but we remind her that when the timer screen comes on then iPad is going off. You could also start giving fair warnings such as, when teletubbies is finished then the tv is going off. Sounds terrible but we try to ignore the tantrums because the attention we give to them sort of feeds it more 😵‍💫 they soon learn they aren’t going to get what they want.

Try also to do more structured things, e.g set up some painting, crafts away from the tv so he doesn’t even think about it from the get go. Go out even when the weather is bad, doesn’t matter if it’s raining.

But definitely agree with some of the others on here, the grandparents need to be onboard

I lost the tv (took it off the wall and put it in the loft) 3 or 4 weeks I think it was gone but it was enough to reset the mindset. When it came back it was under much stricter rules, not in the week it's restricted to Friday-Sunday. This was because if it was a possibility then ds would not do anything else but bug me for tv and then moan as soon as it was off about when he could have it again. Making the strict rules allows him the freedom to go off and play and do other things as screens are just not an option. If I just had dd I would not be so strict as she can manage tv is done move on.

I would separate what happens at grandparents house because if they are providing free childcare then you cant make the rules at their house. You could ask them to help reduce but you can't make them.

it's not perfect at my house because my husband is much more relaxed and allows it when I'm working. This weekend ds was moaning that I wasn't going to work as he wanted tv, to be fair he didn't ask and I forgot to put it on! The rules are relaxed during sickness and school holidays.

We just removed the TV completely. We don't have one in our house now. This worked great as the kids then can't ask for what's not there. They're 1, 4 and 7.

Yes, Cocomelon quickly broke on our TV and the 6yo still thinks we don't have Netflix. Google broke the other day when she had endless questions and wouldn't go to sleep.

What I'm saying to you is - lie to your child.

Because parenting small children involves a lot of saying no, often multiple times.

And because "Yes, you can watch CBeebies for a little bit, but not Cocomelon as it badly affects your behaviour" is too subtle for a 2yo. "Uh oh, Cocomelon still isn't working, isn't that strange, would you like to pick something else?" achieves the same goal. And then later on, "No, you can't watch TV, you've had enough already" teaches moderation.

I tell my DD battery run out of phones/tablets or TV is not working when I think she has got enough screen time for the day. And right away distract with something else. If she kicks off she can kick off.

That's great for you.

Isn't it useful to share practice?