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Rekindling 11yr Old Daughter's Interest in Video Chatting Together (Distance Relationship)?

9 replies

Ascendant0 · 07/07/2024 21:07

My 11yr old daughter lives a couple hours away, and unfortunately due to circumstances (please don't ask, I don't want to get into that), we don't see each other face-to-face that often. The way we filled in the gaps to keep up our relationship over the years has been through video chat. She used to love it, but over the last year or so, she's lost interest in it, and it's a struggle to maintain conversation with her on it. I've tried multiple things, but nothing seems to get us through more than a few minutes at best most the time.

When we spend time together in person, things are great. We laugh, play, and overall she has a blast, even to the extent where she's always sad when it comes time to go. So, our relationship itself is great, that's not the problem here. It's just for whatever reason, she doesn't like conversation on video chat anymore, and I don't know any way to make it more enjoyable for her other than to just not spend a whole lot of time on it.

I've tried conversations about her interests. She collects various slimes, plays games, and loves spending time with her two cousins. Even then, I usually get short answers from her, and she just doesn't engage a whole lot. I've opened up conversation to her, asking questions about what she's been up to, what her plans were for later that day, what she's been learning in school (which of course isn't an option now since it's summer), but nothing seems to get much of any conversation out of her.

Maybe there's just not much of anything I can do about it at this point in her life. But, if anyone else has dealt with this and worked through it, or knows of any useful suggestions of other things to try, I would greatly appreciate any help.

OP posts:
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Megifer · 07/07/2024 21:15

Ask the other parent what they suggest.

ElleLeopine · 07/07/2024 21:16

I'm sorry OP but this sounds really hard?
How often do you get to see her face to face? And how often do you video chat?
Have you tried filling the gaps in between with texts?
Have you asked her other parent if there is anything going on for her?
It may just be her age and hormones, and realising that the situation is out of the ordinary.

SundayTulips · 07/07/2024 21:16

Is she into any online games? When my husband travels he plays online chess with our kids, who are generally hopeless at video chats but if they’re playing they can have a conversation casually alongside with no awkwardness

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Octavia64 · 07/07/2024 21:18

Online gaming together.

Chess, scrabble, lots of options.

keylimedog · 07/07/2024 21:19

Honestly not everyone is into video chatting - especially if she's now old enough to realise it's not really a normal relationship, it might be a bit strained on her end?

I'd just let it be, don't push it by making it a big deal and just let it naturally cycle round to her enjoying again?

minipie · 07/07/2024 21:22

Try having a non video, old school phone call and see if it’s better?

IdLikeToBeAFraser · 07/07/2024 21:28

Yes, regular video calls can be hard. In person, chats with this age group are almost always better when spontaneous or doing other things.

Can you try video calling during things? Eg watching tv show together and just casually having video on at same time? Or while prepping a meal? Dd (but younger admittedly) video calls mil to chat through her new outfits or bags or to show her whatever craft she's working on or her new piano piece or whatever?

Or what about taking pressure off and sending short videos or chats in WhatsApp? A quick video of a cute cat you saw on way to work or a meme or where you are, and encourage her to do the same? Ie to maintain that dialogue if not long regular chats?

dylexicdementor11 · 07/07/2024 21:35

It might help if you had a honest conversation with your daughter about it. You could reassure her that you are there for her albeit virtually. You could ask her to help think of ways in which you could maintain a long distance relationship. She might like you to read to her or you could watch a show together or play video games.

My father lived away from me for a period of my childhood and it was very difficult to maintain a relationship over the phone (once weekly long distance calls). I loved him dearly but I found it so difficult to speak to him over the phone. Good luck.

itwontletmechoose · 07/07/2024 21:41

Sorry I haven't read upthread, but during Covid we lived far from family and the only way my kids would chat online was with the focus off them- so if we just left it on while they did Lego/ baked a cake/ sis facepaint..! Literally anything they would want to do anyway. My family would also have to pretend or really do something else. They all just hated that staring at each other on a screen thing. We still do it now 😂 point the screen at the dog in the garden and then have a deep and meaningful chat in the background. Video chats are intense, hard and weird.

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