I slapped her bum

[Tryingtodobetter82]

I feel absolutely terrible and I am not on here for anyone to help me “feel better”
I lost control and I am so ashamed.

Is 6.5yrs and was having a very bad tantrum, I think she was tired and hungry (I was cooking her dinner & it was just before 5), but she had eaten snacks.
She got upset that her brother wasn’t playing a made up game “correctly” and made him cry, then started hitting me so I raised my voice at her, she then went over and purposefully poured a bottle of water on the floor. Then she took a towel and slapped her 2 yr old brother around the face with it & then I slapped her bum.

I swore I would never lay a finger on either of my children and I am so ashamed, feel free to berate me (I do deserve it).

I am coming on here to ask whether you have any tips I might be able to use to diffuse the situation or calm myself down before it builds up to that again.

Thank you if you have got this far.

OP you need to be kinder to yourself. Ok not your finest discipline hour but it sounds like your child’s dreadful behavior would drive a methodist to drink. A toddler tantrum at almost 7? Walloping her little brother round the face and smacking her mother. I hope she is now in her room for the rest of the evening. You need an apology (as does little bro) and tomorrow is another day but don’t you dare go groveling to her.

I will not berate you! That behaviour sounds extremely challenging for you and the poor 2 year old! You feel bad already. I have no tips except walk away which sounded difficult whilst cooking with a toddler there too.

I'm sorry you went through this. It sounds so tough. Tomorrow is a new day. Please be kind to yourself - none of us are perfect.

Don’t worry about it. The real problem is not the occasional slap on the bum which established boundaries but beating the shit out of them routinely.

the latter arises because boundaries have been breached.

i can’t remember my father ever smacking me, but I know that he would have if I’d played him up too badly which means he may have smacked me once it twice that I don’t remember,

forget about it.

I swore the same, until 8yr old DS spat in my mother's face. Then I grabbed him and slapped his bum.
It wasn't the best thing I could have done. I'm not proud of it.
I hope you are ok.

I think she probably needed it tbh !

Meh, she fucked around and found out. I don't believe in smacking but I also think there's a vast, vast difference between parents who very rarely lose their rag at appalling behaviour (and then feel terrible about it) and those who beat their kids or use smacking willy nilly as casual discipline. You are not that parent, don't beat yourself up anymore over it.

Sounds like she deserved it.

A short sharp shock is sometimes needed 🤷‍♀️

I would have slapped her bum too! And I wouldn't have been worried at all.

I agree with PP, don't torture yourself over it but try to find better strategies. If challenging behaviour is a recurrent issue, I'd recommend this book https://drdansiegel.com/book/no-drama-discipline/

You're not doing it to hurt her. It's just to shock her that if she misbehaves. There's big difference of intentionally hurting your child and disciplining.

It's not the end of the world!!

I agree with the other replies. I don't agree with smacking, but I used to sometimes shout when mine were little which is probably just as bad. Don't be too hard on yourself

Chalk it up to a multitude of challenging factors, forgive yourself and move on. There's not one single parent who hasn't made a regrettable decision at some point. Speak to your daughter and tell her you regret losing your temper and it's wasn't great behaviour by you - and let that conversation open into a discussion of how you both manage "big" feelings going forward. Stop beating yourself up about it. Nice cuppa and a biscuit/ bubble bath/ glass of wine and tomorrow's a fresh start.😘

I mean it really depends where you are... it's illegal in Scotland and Wales.

It's illegal in Scotland to respond to bad behaviour like this.
Quite surprised at the amount of people saying it was fine and she deserved it.

It's not fine to smack your kids.

I once resorted to smacking after a horrible series of tantrums in a seven year old, including lying on the floor wailing and waving her legs in the air. One particular day she slammed a door in my face,knowing it would hurt me. I smacked her on the leg, she was hysterical, I was in tears shortly after and it was a miserable day.

She never behaved like that again.

Am I proud of it. No. Did it do the job? Yes.