I'm upset I can't have more children

[Thatsmoneyhoney]

Just this really... not even sure why I am starting this thread. Just to get things off my chest I guess.
I'm a mum of 3 absolutely beautiful boys. 6, 3 and 1(almost 2... !)
I absolutely adore my children and I love being their mum more than anything. To watch them grow from tiny little babies into children is amazing and so rewarding.
I can't have any more children. 3 is more than enough and I know how blessed I am to be their Mummy but I can't help but feel upset about the fact I'll never have another child. I'm in a same sex marriage. My wife carried our 1st, we adopted our 2nd. And I carried our 3rd child. So I've only experienced pregnancy and birth once. It took me 2 years to conceive and i was starting to think it would never happen for me but then boom! It did. I enjoyed all the clinic appointments, the pregnancy tests each month and the excitement of it amongst all the heartache. When i finally got pregnant I had the most amazing pregnancy.
It was everything I wanted it to be and I enjoyed every minute of it. Even my fat sausage toes! The birth was a little traumatic as it is for everyone but that feeling when I held my baby in my arms after giving birth was the most beautiful feeling in the world. Nothing tops that feeling and you can't explain it.
It just hurts to know I can never do this again.
I guess this feeling is normal. I am female after all and that's what hormones do.
I struggle to divide my time between the 3 of them as it is. Our son we adopted is disabled and has quite complex needs so a 4th child is definitely out the question. I couldn't be the mummy the boys need if we had another.
I think it's probably the psychology of wanting what you can't have... or maybe I'm ovulating and broody? 🤣
Is anyone else feeling the same?
Let's have a chat!

Yep I completely understand, I have two beautiful healthy children and I feel so lucky but feel very sad that there will not be more. My husband is completely against having another and I find it very difficult because as you say holding your baby is the most incredible feeling. My husband is an amazing man and father so I feel very lucky and grateful for the life we have but I think I’ll always feel a little bit sad at the thought of not doing it all again!

@Thewildthingsarewithme it sucks doesn't it. But I guess, where do you draw the line? There will always be that last baby.
We'll just have to wait for the kids to grow and give us grandchildren!

I know what you mean. My family is complete with 2 DC, but yes, having that tiny baby in your arms is an amazing experience. Thinking of it tempted me to go for a third but I knew I was happy with two really.

I was on the fence about having dc, and didn’t enjoy being pregnant with dc1, so the absolute onslaught of baby lust from his birth floored me. From the moment I gave birth I wanted another, even when I was holding him in my arms. The feeling went away when I was pregnant until the moment I gave birth and just didn’t let up until dc2 turned 3.

Dh was steadfast about stopping at two and logically, like you op, I knew that was a good decision but somehow that made the emotional side of it harder to bear. And it’s not something that’s easy to discuss in real life. It felt like a form of grief to me.

I do think it’s largely hormonal. When dc2 was 3, it eased greatly and occasionally I’d think about having another, but it wasn’t as powerful or overwhelming. I still feel a little sad we didn’t have more babies, but also relieved, for all our sakes. But it’s become a more abstract thing over time, like life’s other what if’s.

Yes, I'd love a fourth very much and I gave birth to all three. It is hard wired I think! I just indulge in daydreams occasionally, like on the very rare occasions I see large families.

I know this is lighthearted but please don't put that on them. They might not want to. I know someone with three guilt-ridden children because they don't want kids and their mum is obsessed. She even 'grandparents' mine because she's desperate. Same with FIL's GF, chasing DD all very trying to dress her.

I’d have loved a third. DH didn’t want one and I knew deep down that I would be spreading myself too thin. It’s something I have found hard to discuss IRL or on here so it is nice to see I am not alone!

I'd never make my children feel bad about anything. Their life choices are 100% their own to make. But of course I'd love grandchildren but would never pressurise them into it.

Definitely not on your own!

I had the tubal tie done during the caesarean delivery of my second child.I had agreed to this in my pregnancy as the first birth ( also by caesarean) had nearly killed me.I was very ill afterwards and spent my second pregnancy in fear.I know I know but dot ask me why I had author but theses things happen.Also my husband took fright and decided to join the merchant navy so he would miss the actual birth.
Surprisingly I spent the next years regretting the tubal tie.Everyone I knew was having babies and I would cry about it.It was not the birth I missed but the thought of never having my own new born baby to hold ever again.
I am a grandmother and great grandmother now, have enjoyed all this, but they are not my babies, if you see what I mean.
In time you will overcome it I know what you are going through.

Please excuse typos I am getting tired now

I think that feeling eventually goes away. I didn’t like being pregnant but I felt abit sad about my 3rd that it was my last. But now she’s 10 I definitely do not want any more, they are all to some degree independent, can make their own breakfast and lunch ect and help out. I don’t think I could go back to toddlers!

Yes it is almost like grief! That's how I would explain this feeling.
My youngest is almost 2 and we are just bow starting to be able to enjoy things as a family. Going to the farm together and we have our 1st camping trip coming up. So I am excited for the next chapter full of adventures with the boys.
It's hard to get out the door when you constantly have a baby in prams and tied to their feeding and nap routine.
I know this feeling will eventually fade away.

I think you know when you're done. I have three children and if you paid me a million pounds I wouldn't have another, but after two I just didn't feel finished with babies.

I was lucky and I got to have another, but your choice has sort of been taken away by the practicalities of the decision and I totally understand how that would be hard to accept. Give yourself time to grieve the idea and focus on how lucky you are too, especially to have both been able to carry one of your children as well as adopting- those are quite unique experiences in a family!

I was sterilised after my 3rd. I knew I didn't want any more children. But the sadness afterwards was overwhelming. And bewildering - I was definite I didn't want another child so why was I sad? I think with me it was sadness at the fact I couldn't have any more - the choice had been taken away from me (even though I'd chosen that choice!)

I'd spent so long saying I didn't want any more that I hadn't really thought how I'd feel when I physically couldn't have any more, if that makes sense? The sadness only lasted a few months (I'd had the sterilisation while I was on the table after a CS from a very difficult pregnancy) so hormones were very definitely at play. In retrospect it was the best decision ever.

Yes we are so blessed with our children. We've both been able to experience pregnancy as well as being the other parent on the other side as well. To enjoy the newborn stage without the hormones and anxiety that comes with post partum.
These are memories and feelings that we will never forget.
We are looking forward to the next chapter with the boys. Lots of adventures as they grow.

It's hard OP. I have four, and after DS4 I definitely wanted another. Actually I would have loved twins to be able to have numbers five and six!

I found it gradually fades until one day you go from looking at pregnant women and wishing it was you to thinking 'thank fuck that's not me' 😅 DS4 is now 10yo and it's only been since he was about six that my feelings changed.

I get what you mean. Not quite in your position yet (just had our first who is 6 months) and we intend to try for number 2 but that’ll be it and even just thinking about that and not having the newborn stage again etc. just feels a bit sad :(

I felt like this after dc2 but now I've had dc3 I don't relate at all! DH going for the snip next week and I only feel relief that chapter of my life is closing. I'm very much done but nature would have seen to it in any case (I'm mid 40s).

I did find pregnancy and birth easy and enjoyable so I'm glad I got to experience it 3 times - I would have been disappointed to do it just once. I'm still bfing my 2yo and part of me is happy to continue to extend that part of motherhood because she's growing up all too quickly. But also part of me is looking forward to the more independent years when we'll be free of the buggy and send both kids to drop-off activities.

I'm a mum of one. She's about to start school and I cry about it all the time. I've loved the 0-5 years, I gave up my career so I could be with her all the time. I feel heartbroken that she's starting school and I won't be with her every day. A second child isn't completely out of the question but I'm getting on (early 40's) and my marriage isn't going well so it feels impossible. I just want to rewind and do it all again so much. Some days are ok and I feel positive thinking about all the things I can do with her as she gets older but alot of the time I just feel upset and lost now it's passed by and we are moving on. I would describe it as grieving and I feel very depressed about it.

I have one DD who is nearing 3. She's IVF so I know I should feel lucky I was even able to get one and I do but if only.
I had one ovary removed when I was 25 and then other one when I was 32. The IVF was done before they removed the 2nd ovary. We got two embryos out of it. One didn't make it past the transfer and the other is DD.
I feel like my choice was taken away and although I'd go down the donor egg route, financially it's not really an option, especially not for a 'guaranteed result'.
I always wanted three, I'm lucky to have one.

I had a baby on my own. I always meant to have a second, but my family are dead against it and I know I’d find it difficult to cope with two practically and financially (especially as DD has suspected ADHD). I’m 42 now and I have three frozen embryos that are increasingly unlikely to be used - I never wanted that to happen.

It makes a lot of sense for me to stick at one and I can’t honestly say I’d like to go through birth and the baby stage again, especially at my age. But secretly, I’m often envious of mums with more than one child. Today, a Facebook friend posted a photo of herself with her three happy, extremely photogenic kids and I did feel a pang of sadness.

The only plus side is that DD, who used to want a sibling, no longer does after a friend and her toddler came to stay and the toddler drove DD nuts!

I felt like that even after 5 children and the last pregnancy being quite hard because I was sooo tired and looking after the other 4! To be honest, I think even if I'd had a 6th, I would probably have still felt like I wanted another. It's very primal and not at all logical! As you say, I think it's hormone-driven. It does pass with time. I'm glad I stopped at 5 now!