Feel like a failure

[Bovrillavigne124]

Backstory, DD is 2 yrs 7 months, born 10 weeks early, thankfully seemed unscathed by prematurity except being on the small side, although that's not helped by the fact that she WON'T EAT.
It's been like this since she was born, we had to fight for every ounce of formula that went into her, diagnosed with reflux, given meds which sort of helped.
On and off suffering with constipation since she was born too, we've done it all movicol (won't touch anything with movicol in it), lactulose (gives her belly ache) glycerine suppository (only works sometimes).
She's developed a fissure in her bum from the constipation which is making her miserable and she's got a cold which isn't helping but all she does all day is cry and whinge and refuse to eat, this is about 2 weeks now, doctor is useless as per usual. I can't fix anything, I can't make her happy for any longer than about 20 mins, I can't get her to eat, toilet training is gone out the window because I don't want to make her anymore constipated than she is. I feel like I'm failing her and I honestly dont know what to do anymore.

Hi OP, I really feel for you in this situation - somehow our kids not letting anything in or out just has the power to massively get under our skins. I get more and more antsy the longer my DS goes without pooing, despite knowing there’s nothing I can do to make it happen. The only thing I can suggest is taking the pressure off yourself - and off her. Ultimately there are a few things we can’t get/make/persuade anyone to do, and eat and poo are some of them. Follow the doctor’s advice for the constipation, provide appealing foods at regular intervals and try to let her take the lead with the rest. You’re not failing her, you’re being with her through a difficult patch where neither of you feels good. X

Have you ever given her those apple puree pots things? They always used to make DD go (constipation caused by formula and reflux meds) . The purple ones (with blueberry I think?) were even better.

What are her drinking habits? Is she drinking enough? Can you try her with soup (wet foods) easier to digest ?

I've tried everything, honestly.

She doesn't really drink enough, I'm always offering and reminding her to drink but it's never enough

I think as mums we stress so much about our kids getting the right nutrition that we forget they are just the same as us adults, do you eat when you’re not hungry? No, if someone tried to force you to eat you would be pretty damn miserable and food becomes the enemy, relax, i think some of it is luck but all 5 of my kids are good eaters- only a handful of foods they won’t eat, i i honestly think its because i didn’t stress about food, did i praise them when they cleared their plates-yes but if not- no big deal, if they wanted a snack half hour after dinner-sure i guess you weren’t particularly hungry at dinner time so 🤷🏻‍♀️. food is supposed to be something that we enjoy- get her to help with some simple cooking- they appreciate it more if they have done it themselves- even if its stirring some soup, make up platters of different vegetables or fruit (let her help chop or peel) and just let her pick at it all, lick it n put it back really doesn’t matter, make food something interesting and fun for her to enjoy.
the constipation is probably linked to her not eating- yes throw potty training out the window until its more settled, try get her to eat dried fruits, raisins, apricots, prunes etc they contain more fibre than some fresh fruits, make it a fun game, -count the raisins- raisin party in her tummy, need 10 guests etc i know you have probably tried all of this but keep trying but not to the point of stressing- stress can cause constipation and she is probably picking up on your stress about the situation, you’re doing great so relax xx

Keep a food and drink diary.
If she likes ice lollies make lots.
I would ask to be referred to a dietician. They can help with ideas and work with you both . They can also get you referred to clinic gastric teams.

I feel we are brought up thinking a child who is not picky/no food issues is a wo derful child and its our fault if our child isn't like that. And that's rubbish.

It will get easier (mine was similar to yours and has various intolerances).

@Bovrillavigne124 what does she eat/drink in a day?

You might need more specialised intervention , if she is very restricted with her foods. There could be something else going on.

It's easy to not stress if your kid actually eats, regardless of what it is. Try a couple of weeks with one bag of baby crisps and an ice cream a day (maybe) and see how chilled you are.

Oh sorry i must have got it wrong, op needs to keep stressing out about the situation then? Yes my kids eat well- that doesn’t mean they always have, go take your snappy unhelpful comment elsewhere.

Sorry wrong thread

@Bovrillavigne124

Iv had all this including the constipation fissure with my daughter. You will get through it. I put dd Movicol sachet in a yogurt mix it in add some marshmallows or rainbow sprinkles that you put on cakes she never knew a thing and it helped loads. Got to keep trying on this one because they won't eat if it won't come out easy so for me getting steady with the Movicol is a priority.

Sorry I only saw your message now, thanks for replying. I thought the movicol had to be mixed with water or it would t work?

@Bovrillavigne124
It's worked for me in yoghurt for 4 years 🙈

Sorry if this has already been mentioned but my DDS constipation was relieved very well by prune juice