Mummy, my tummy makes me do things?

[Enchantedlilypad]

My 4 year old DD struggles with emotional regulation and finds socialising with children her own age incredibly challenging. My DD can be unkind in social situations and become easily upset and angry. I remove her from the situation when she shows this behaviour and get her apologise to the other child before she can play again, I am firm with her. DD is currently waiting to be assessed for autism as our health visitor and nursery have concerns.

When I talk to her about why she gets angry, says unkind words and lashes out she says "my tummy made me do it, I don't want to do it but my tummy says do it and I have to do it" I am very confused by this, does anyone have any ideas what this could mean? I'm struggling to understand what she means by this statement.

Are you sure she doesn't have any gastroenteric issues? A blood test can rule out coeliac etc.

Maybe she’s just trying to find a way to explain big feelings that she can’t control? If you think about it, children often get a tummy ache if they’re anxious. Sounds like you’re dealing with it well, though!

I read it like she gets an angry feeling in her tummy so she lashes out (obv it isn't in her actual tummy, but she thinks it is)

@Moonshine5 no she doesn't have any allergies, I have spoken to my GP about her "tummy aches" and he's sure it's nothing to do with that.

She does have many sensory issues, very limited diet, extremely picky with clothing she wears and is constantly worrying and showing me the tiniest cuts on her body.

I'd look at adhd too. It's probably her way of describing being overwhelmed.

She's 4. She's doing the best with the words and limited understanding of her own body to explain how she feels.

It is not going to be an accurate picture of what is actually happening.

There is some sort of link between coeliac and autism. Coeliac can cause emotional dysregulation and anger, particularly in children, and many parents report much better behaviour in both NT and ND children once on a gluten free diet. You say you've spoken to GP about tummy aches, so has you child said they have pain also?

https://www.coeliac.org.uk/information-and-support/coeliac-disease/conditions-linked-to-coeliac-disease/?&&type=rfst&set=true#cookie-widget

@Apileofballyhoo oh really? That's interesting, I wouldn't class her as hyperactive, I mean she jumps up and down on the spot a lot but I put that down to maybe stimming due to possible autism.

@LimeFish oh okay, thank you, yes she does say that her tummy hurts but it's always when we are on the way to nursery and she's overly upset because she doesn't want to go or when she's awake in the night because she wants to be right next to me. I will make another appointment with my GP to discuss this again.

A sore tummy is usually how anxiety manifests in small children (and many teens and adults)!

This may be a symptom of anxiety or feeling overwhelmed. Perhaps, she is experiencing a sensory overload.

When I was four I used to tell my mother I felt like I had a triangle in my tummy when I had to go to school. It was anxiety. It gave me sharp pains in my stomach and that was the best way I could describe it.

I was thinking anxiety too. It’s not uncommon to feel discomfort in the solar plexus in relation to anxiety. And anxiety can manifest as anger so it makes sense to me.

Yes I was definitely thinking some sort of anxiety, I just feel so sorry for her and I'm struggling to know how to help in the best way I can.

Sounds like impulsivity, I have ADHD - I don't know if NT people experience the same but for me an overwhelming urge to do something is definitely felt in the gut. As in gut feeling. It's a rising up sensation or a somersault if it's something exciting. I expect that's what it is - it's pretty powerful and if she's impulsive then hard to override. Sounds to me like she's articulated something complicated very well indeed. Do encourage this self awareness and communication. It will be invaluable to her. So often ND people are taught to ignore their own feelings and live a life of masking completely dissociated from ourselves.

Look up Vagus nerve and second brain. There is a mass of nerve cells around the human stomach, directly linked in to the brain.
Most people feel emotions through their tummy area, e.g. 'getting butterflies', feeling "sick to the stomach" when you are disgusted, or needing the toilet when you are scared.
Her description is accurate, no need to worry about gastro-intestinal issues.

When I was approx ages 3-8 I used to get a terrible sensation in my stomach and intense feelings of anger / wanting to harm if I saw a puppy or kitten. It was horrendous but stemmed from the fact that my mother was abusive and was hateful to me but her bf got her a kitten when I was 3 and a puppy when I was 5 and she adored them and cuddled them and I was insanely jealous. It manifested as this awful feeling in my stomach then wanting to squeeze them violently. I had extensive therapy from age 9 and by the time I was 11 (and not at home anymore) I was ‘cured’. I do have diagnoses of ASD and ADHD as well if relevant

Agree that anxiety is felt in the tum. Maybe she's lashing out to get people to back away from her so the anxiety eases?

This is how I read it too. I suppose a bit like a gut feeling to do something. It’s not unusual to feel emotional things in your tummy for example when people are nervous they have butterflies etc.

@Fifteenyearsinthetower I'm so sorry that you went through that as a child. I hope that you are in better days now.

Has someone somewhere read her the book 'there's a volcano in my tummy'?
https://www.wob.com/en-gb/books/eliane-whitehouse/volcano-in-my-tummy/9780865713499?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjw1qO0BhDwARIsANfnkv-YiVcgdOM9NUlACGyQwJdOJpQZt9Jg_333bIJtTpJpMGFOUlXYqAsaAh64EALw_wcB#GOR001552452

Thankyou , yes I am ok now. I don’t really talk about it much but this thread really made me remember that feeling in my stomach which was coming from such a place of confusion anger and jealousy and it hasn’t ever happened to me since so I thought it may be worth mentioning. I think when you don’t have the capability to express yourself it can manifest as a physical feeling perhaps ?

Is there any chance this has been read to her - https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/51659/the-tummy-beast

These are all symptoms of high anxiety @Enchantedlilypad
Your dd is telling you something there.

Same with the ‘my tummy says so’. She associated how she feels physically (never felt like ‘your stomach churned’?) to how she responds (anger, lashing out). If anything that’s a pretty clever interpretation of what’s going on fir a 4yo tbh.

Seeing that she is assessed for autism, my guess would be high anxiety that she is trying to control all day long followed by a meltdown where she lashes out.
My dc always felt sad afterwards. He could never control it either. Well not at that age.