What to do when parents become the bullies in the playground.

[Alecia212]

I am a single parent, raising 2 children completely alone and I feel like I am
doing a very good job but single mum life is hard with little support. One Friday evening I received a text message from a couple (mum and dad of an only child) accusing my child of having a couple of incidents in the playground where their child was bumped/injured over recent weeks. I instantly felt awkward about the confrontation as I think these things should be handled through school in the first instance. I didn’t respond immediately and I had a sleepless night worrying about how best to handle the direct complaint. The following morning (Saturday) I responded kindly saying that I had spoken to my child and they said the incidents the parent talked about were accidents that happened during play. I said I would speak to school and suggested they did the same and they can monitor it as It had been the first I was aware of it and I was not there when it happened. I wished them a good weekend and respectfully closed the conversation. The parent replied with another message that was getting personal and arguing that their child knew the difference between intentional and accidental. I responded saying I really felt it best to go through school as I can’t comment if I haven’t been told anything by the teacher and was not there at the time of the incidents happening. I felt it was no use them telling me what’s what from their child while they disregard my child’s perspective. The messages became more unkind so I blocked the parent and forwarded all text messages between us to my child’s teacher via email. Quite honestly, as a single
mum alone with my children all weekend, it really affected me personally. I felt it ruined our weekend and I felt anxious and upset about the situation. On Monday, the school intervened and did their own investigation on the incidents the other parents talked about. The head had a face to face meeting with these parents and told them he found there to be no malice in the incidents and confirmed these were unfortunate accidents and that my child did not intentionally bump into theirs. The head then phoned me and relayed the same and thanked me for handling the parents how I did, particularly for handing the confrontation back to school to deal with appropriately. The head said he suggested they apologise to me but he said he didn’t think I would receive an apology. (Make of that what you will) I felt relief to hear how the school had handled this couple and assumed this would be the end of it. I know, if it were me, I would have felt a bit silly and would have apologised or kept my head down. After feeling anxious and nervous on the school run for the whole of Monday, I felt a weight off my shoulders to go on the school run on Tuesday assuming there would be no issue but I was greeted by the mother staring at me as I walked towards the school gate on my own while she was with her friend and the following week was filled with animosity and negative awkwardness in the playground. I have never been anything but nice to everyone in the playground and it feels so horrible to have such bad feeling at my childrens school. I now feel like it’s a bitchy school playground situation of dirty looks, bad feeling and other mums sticking with this other parent.

I am pleasant to everyone in that school but I walk to and from school alone and have to just hold my head high. This other parent who comes across and bitter and spiteful is always with other mums or her partner and it just feels like I’m already being ganged up on. How do I deal with this? I keep my head high when deep down I feel shaky and deeply hurt by how this is affecting life at my childrens school. Like, how dare someone be so unkind to another adult who is 1) doing their best as a single mother 2) trying to rise above childish playground politics. It doesn’t help that one of my other mum friends who I have confided with has shown me this week how much she loves a drama and is enjoying going between me and them and not being supportive to me as a friend at all. I know she won’t want to take sides and cause trouble for herself but I feel so vulnerable and feel like she’s enjoying this. I just feel so upset that I’m left suffering something that was unfairly thrown at me in the first place.

how would you handle this?

Am a single dad x
Apparently these are the local bullies
I have standards not in front of mine or any child should a grown man jump out his car.
I don't even swear in front of dd&ds
They love me respect me as I do them
I knew it was a trap so don't know what's next here my new life ??

It's open in front of everyone that side of the village I noticed at least 5 more men standing at the school gates last week.
Your right I do feed cloth entertain teach etc I don't mind not having my own outlet

What concerns you 5 more men stood there? You mean looking for you to fight? I think you need a break from this nonsense. I had similar end of last year a lady being aggressive to me in the playground over something minor. I stood up to her when she raised her voice at me and we have ignored each other since. It is tough as you have to keep seeing people at school.

As soon as I said am a single dad everyone stop posting.
I do a mum's job to.
I never asked the mum to throw us out
I came for a new life my kids adore respect me as I do them when I leave them at school, they get their hugs and kisses when I go to pick them up. They come running to me giving me hugs the other parents look in amaze.
I believe I'm bringing my children up properly and correctly I am not a friend. I am the father. I am your parent. I am a confident. they can talk to me about.anything
I admit, I'm a little overprotective. I did lose one of my twin daughters.
I apologise if this place is for mums only I did not really understand when it said Mum's net I just thought it was a place to talk. I'd be safe. I don't see any difference from being on here and living in this place cliques everywhere.
I am sorry if this offense has just my opinion.
I admire of being a feminine guy
But yes I would never change ever. I am a daddy.

Jonjay I replied to you earlier today. I wouldn’t be paranoid either. People give anyone advice on here.

No its something I felt over the weekend I am a very private person and tend to speak to one or two people I noticed I was getting lots of advice but when they found out I was a man! There was no contact.
I believe everyone is paranoid in different ways. Sometimes we need to be it's good to be on our toes.
It sounded natural to feel the way I am feeling everyone was getting back instantly then they found out I was a parent and I didn't hear anything for over the weekend. Yes, people are busy maybe because of the rubbish I have of the other parents here where I live it's manifesting itself out on me. I keep reliving and thinking how the father approached me with my two children and someone else's child at the play park what could have happened and I keep thinking about the mother coming over to me while we were all in the car. how can people be this way?
I found out the real reason why they came over

I've had my children now for four years full-time working at home six months ago I did not tell the children's mother I was moving. I did not have to. She's never bothered with any of us okay? The children only when we do something like a move or a new school she gets involved. I could not believe when I seen the profile pic of her on the school group she said I kidnapped the children. I said do not be silly. I have full custody. I do not have to tell you straight away as soon as she had the contact details for the school here a little boy said to my son your daddy is a kidnapper. I knew she told the teacher the teacher told the janitor the reason why I know this there is only one teacher in the place it's very small so my ex told her she told the janitor and I sent to the teacher. I believe he has been speaking about this in front of his son with his wife and he has overheard this. It's hurting my children. He repeatedly kept saying kidnapper only my ex said that word I know you will find it hard to believe that the teacher said this but fellow people are coming out of the woodwork telling me how bad of a teacher she really is one lady stays next door? She had to move her son from the school. The teacher wasn't doing anything about it.
She tells me her son is messed up because of the building. I can't have this happening to my children. My daughter is a little older. She's nine. But not my son, he doesn't understand.
Yes, I was angry but Skill did not contact me by email or text message or phone call they bring me in if my son has an accident they do not tell me the last time they said you don't need a plaster DS it's just a scratch right now at this time it's still healing and it's a scar that will be left. Everyone else gets a plaster. He's banged his face. He did not get an ice pack. Everyone else gets an ice pack. There was three kids with autism in that place. My son has regressed. I have to do homework school work at home. He was brilliant at maths way ahead at reading. He doesn't get any homework he is in the same classroom as his sister??? That's how small it is he plays in a sandbox primary one primary to maybe but not at my son's age.

It's not that you're a dad, it's that you have revived a thread from months ago and people have just read the original post.

People are not responding to you, @Jonjay because you hijacked another person’s post from last year, and when it comes up on ‘Active Conversations’, they see the OP’s post and are likely to respond to that, they don’t scroll down to yours. Start your own thread if you want advice. It has nothing to do with you being male, it has to do with how and where you posted.

X-post!

It sounds like an odd thing to say, but this personally would help me so I thought I’d suggest it as an option.

Dress up as nicely as you can (obviously still appropriate for school run) do your hair and makeup. Smile and say hi to as many people as you can who aren’t at all involved. Say a bright hello to all the teachers and stop for a friendly chat with your child’s teacher if you can. Try to give the impression that you have a warm slightly confidential relationship. Laugh at something she says etc.

Basically you are going to make it clear that this is your territory too.