What to do when parents become the bullies in the playground.

[Alecia212]

I am a single parent, raising 2 children completely alone and I feel like I am
doing a very good job but single mum life is hard with little support. One Friday evening I received a text message from a couple (mum and dad of an only child) accusing my child of having a couple of incidents in the playground where their child was bumped/injured over recent weeks. I instantly felt awkward about the confrontation as I think these things should be handled through school in the first instance. I didn’t respond immediately and I had a sleepless night worrying about how best to handle the direct complaint. The following morning (Saturday) I responded kindly saying that I had spoken to my child and they said the incidents the parent talked about were accidents that happened during play. I said I would speak to school and suggested they did the same and they can monitor it as It had been the first I was aware of it and I was not there when it happened. I wished them a good weekend and respectfully closed the conversation. The parent replied with another message that was getting personal and arguing that their child knew the difference between intentional and accidental. I responded saying I really felt it best to go through school as I can’t comment if I haven’t been told anything by the teacher and was not there at the time of the incidents happening. I felt it was no use them telling me what’s what from their child while they disregard my child’s perspective. The messages became more unkind so I blocked the parent and forwarded all text messages between us to my child’s teacher via email. Quite honestly, as a single
mum alone with my children all weekend, it really affected me personally. I felt it ruined our weekend and I felt anxious and upset about the situation. On Monday, the school intervened and did their own investigation on the incidents the other parents talked about. The head had a face to face meeting with these parents and told them he found there to be no malice in the incidents and confirmed these were unfortunate accidents and that my child did not intentionally bump into theirs. The head then phoned me and relayed the same and thanked me for handling the parents how I did, particularly for handing the confrontation back to school to deal with appropriately. The head said he suggested they apologise to me but he said he didn’t think I would receive an apology. (Make of that what you will) I felt relief to hear how the school had handled this couple and assumed this would be the end of it. I know, if it were me, I would have felt a bit silly and would have apologised or kept my head down. After feeling anxious and nervous on the school run for the whole of Monday, I felt a weight off my shoulders to go on the school run on Tuesday assuming there would be no issue but I was greeted by the mother staring at me as I walked towards the school gate on my own while she was with her friend and the following week was filled with animosity and negative awkwardness in the playground. I have never been anything but nice to everyone in the playground and it feels so horrible to have such bad feeling at my childrens school. I now feel like it’s a bitchy school playground situation of dirty looks, bad feeling and other mums sticking with this other parent.

I am pleasant to everyone in that school but I walk to and from school alone and have to just hold my head high. This other parent who comes across and bitter and spiteful is always with other mums or her partner and it just feels like I’m already being ganged up on. How do I deal with this? I keep my head high when deep down I feel shaky and deeply hurt by how this is affecting life at my childrens school. Like, how dare someone be so unkind to another adult who is 1) doing their best as a single mother 2) trying to rise above childish playground politics. It doesn’t help that one of my other mum friends who I have confided with has shown me this week how much she loves a drama and is enjoying going between me and them and not being supportive to me as a friend at all. I know she won’t want to take sides and cause trouble for herself but I feel so vulnerable and feel like she’s enjoying this. I just feel so upset that I’m left suffering something that was unfairly thrown at me in the first place.

how would you handle this?

You're dealing with it beautifully. Keep your head up high and ignore them. Unbelievable that grown adults will behave this way.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this, but you will come out of this the better person.

This sounds awful and I’m sorry you are going through it. You have handled it really well. Eventually it will blow over and someone else will be the target. I think you just have to try to ignore it unless it gets worse.

Other than staring at you, has the other parent said or done anything to you on the school run?
It sounds like the issue with the kids was handled, what has actually happened since then?

Agree with the others. Head held high, knowing you’re behaving with dignity, and wait for it to blow over. And give yourself some credit for being a great role model to your kids - handling conflict is so hard and you’re doing it so well. And you’re also modelling resilience.

I too think you've handled this brilliantly and know how tough this type of thing is as a single parent. It's hard enough when there are two of you! Hopefully it will all blow over. How is your ds about it? I'd encourage him just to keep well away from this other child (not that it's their fault either really, sounds like the parents have blown it all out of proportion) and prep him about not retaliating if the other kid tries to get a reaction out of him.

In terms of the friendship side of things, sounds like this other mum "friend" isn't one. I'd personally start distancing myself and try to find other friends!

Thank you so much for your kind responses and encouragement. A little reassurance is sometimes all that is needed ❤️

Nothing else been done, it’s just an atmosphere really and obnoxious animosity.

My child isn’t at all phased really, but I’ve asked him to stay well away and I know school have endeavoured to facilitate a distance between the children but I think that’s because they have summed up the parents and it’s for damage limitation more than anything.

You've done well. You've handled it professionally. Sorry this happened. I'd talk to other parents at the school gate and avoid them and be polite but keep it short with them.

Just keep doing what you're doing, ignore them! It'll be summer holidays soon so they'll probably forget about it by September

Make sure you have your phone with you on the school run, continue to deal with this bully like you have by keeping a low profile and the minute vinegar tits shouts her mouth off at you or has a massive tantrum because she's clearly out of control, film it, then report her to the police.

I suggest this because she's intimidating you for no other reason but she she thinks she can.......the fact that she's also trying to get your child in trouble is quite concerning and it seems like she's got some ASBO issues.

Great point about it being so close to end of term! That's really handy for you!! So just hang on in there and keep your head held high.

I expect school might put the two boys in different classes etc come September, if they haven't already. If the atmosphere continues on the playground like this, you could probably check in with the head teacher to request this and let them know if it's ongoing.

How are things now? I think that parent handled it really unprofessionally, she should of gone to the school but also I understand why some have a go at other parents but it isn’t right. Like many said just hold your head up high, ignore her and look away if she looks at you. I had something similar last week with another parent in the playground she actually had a go at me and was very angry. I stayed calm with her and am getting on with the days. Just saw her again this morning. I wanted to go in a shop and saw her go in. I wasn’t going to go in but thought why shouldn’t I? She kept her distance and kept quiet this time. Just be brave and rise above it. Some people live for the drama.

So sorry to hear this. I agree with other comments...bypass the parents who can't get over their own petty playground dramas. As a single parent I know it takes massive strength.... Being on the receiving end of crap from other parents is usually because they're insecure in my experience...your a single mamma doing a damn fine job...they're bored and have nothing better to do that stir up sh*t. The most important thing is getting your kids to and from school safely. The rest is just noise. Best wishes

So sorry this happened to you. Parents like this haven’t mentally grown up from their own school days. Keep to yourself and don’t rise to it.

You're handling it the best way. Some people are just absolute arseholes, aren't they? What a pathetic excuse for an adult!

Ignore and it'll blow over, if she's not getting a reaction from you, she'll soon turn on someone else.

i would have blocked them after the second message. Everything should be through school.

I’d just ignore her behaviour in the playground and carried on being my normal self. She may have spoken to other individuals. Most people will know nothing and of those that know most will be dismissive of playground politics.

It sounds like children being children, kids making mistakes and learning as they should. Bit silly of the parents to wade in there and handle things so immaturely and with so little grace.

I came across your messages this morning and I sincerely feel we are in the same predicament i'm a single dad of two children and they moved to a place where there was a nice beach and play park for my children. It's a small area but I did not know that the place was a clique I was at the play park with my children and a man approached me wanting to fight right in front of my children. I said are you mad? There is children here there was more than my children at the park. I couldn't understand why he was acting this way his son has autism and he bullies my son. I went through the School with this and I thought it was dealt with I even invited everyone to my son's eighth birthday party. None of them turned up even though they said they were going that really hurts. I don't believe this is due to his son building my son I believe this is due to something else and he just wants to hit somebody. The thing is I am alone. My family are in a different place. If I retaliate I know I will hurt him, but I will lose my children. They keep passing by in cars intimidating me they keep waiting at the Skill even when I pick my children up they do not leave. They watch me. Can anybody help me? I'm 35. I'm not one for fighting but if needs must can I do something?

School not skill sorry

I called the police. The police say they do not normally come out to this area the people around where I live deal with things themselves but these people are a gang even the School know about what was happening
I knew something was wrong when I entered the play park they were sitting altogether all the parents and one guy said is that the gentleman there two minutes later they all left I told my children I'll be back in 20 minutes. I'm putting soup on as I was doing so the man was over at the park looking for me. I grabbed my daughter's bike. He was right behind me on the bike as soon as I stopped at the play park he jumped out and said let's have it. I knew if I did give him what he wanted there would be witnesses, i.e. School parents watching from the window he jumped out of the car two times at the play park I said come back at 6 o'clock and we will meet somewhere else he said okay then he drove around the block as we were crossing the road he came at us not fast but very slow Still I was intimidated he could have knocked all of us down. If I do something, all of them will be against me if I do nothing all of them will still be against me. I have never been in a situation before I'm a people person I'm not a click.

As others have said, you are handling this perfectly with dignity and confidence.

Keep in mind that if this parent behaved so awfully towards you for such a minor disagreement in the playground, it is a matter of time before this repeats itself with another family. She will end up with the reputation for being the bully she is

Why did you mention about meeting him
at 6pm? I would try and stay clear of them as much as possible to the extent of getting someone to take my children to school and pick them up. If they try and start anything tell them you are not interested. Fighting resolves nothing.

Hi I hope this gets through yes I've been approached at school the teacher was there.
I chalked it down to hormones as she just had a baby I also found out she does have mental health problems but apparently is better now she did have a miscarriage. I am trying my best as I know what it is like but they think about themselves you do not approach Kids as a player park at my home when they're in the back of my car you do not approach children. This is all to do with me being called to the school because my son was in such a state after their son fought with him.
I teach my children to walk away not to start fights, but the people here are completely different.
Both of these parents, the father and mother definitely wanted to fight it's a clique I will not confirm to this. Some of the people have already warned me about these people, but you think you are safe when you are picking your children up from school. I was behind them in the car two days ago when she abruptly stopped emergency break and jumped out she says what did you say? I didn't understand why she would do this as I was on the phone to someone.
I do not know how she could have heard someone say anything as she was driving with the windows up so definitely she wanted to fight too
Definitely running out of patients

School separated my son and their son over a month ago.
I understand the little boy has problems but the teacher just give him special attention. If there is a question in the classroom everyone has to put their hand up but he doesn't. If you speak the answer everyone gets punished but he doesn't. When he comes out of school, the mother bends down to his level and over awes him it's not needed, but I'm not his parent.
My children run out and give me a big hug. There is a big difference and I believe jealousy is a part of it.
To be honest, they do look like drug addicts when I seen his dirty yellow brown stained teeth up up in my grill in front of my children I suppose any other parents would have handled it differently but I put my body between him and my children.
I have never seen anything like it.
Yes am a new resident? I didn't expect people to open their arms and give me hugs. I just expected hello good evening goodbye or how are you settling in?
I believe this has nothing to do with the children. I believe they just want to get something off their chest.

I am a single mum too, and single people are in a more socially vulnerable position I think - both dependent on and at the mercy of how others (who are often in pairs or clubbed together in groups) conduct themselves. We don't have that buffer of a partner. And we have to work hard: to not only keep our children afloat (fed, educated, active, safe, entertained, happy etc) but also ourselves! There's not much energy for the latter a lot of the time, and it feels like our skin is very thin. As others have said, you are handling this perfectly and like the heroine you are. Well done. These people sound immature and not worth wasting energy on. I hope you have a good tribe of women friends/other mums, because when you have that, it becomes easier to deal with such situations, and see toxic behaviour for what it is - you have your buffer. Also social media/whatsapp has changed relationships and collapsed boundaries, people feel that they can send messages to each other whenever, say anything - never feel guility about opting out of that!

Ignoring is best unless they are openly abusive - verbally or otherwise, in which case report to the head. We have very occasionally banned parents from our school site for obvious abuse, but hopefully it will fade away. But some parents can be very unreasonable, possibly mental health related.