4 yo out of control after pre school.

[ChooChoooo]

My 4 year old has always been quite an emotional, high maintenance and high energy child who needs a lot of adult attention. He goes to a primary school pre school 4 days per week 9-3. He struggled to settle there at first but now is generally pretty good. They have occasional issues with not listening and being a bit silly but generally he’s a good kid there.

He’s verging on completely unmanageable after pre school. He swings between completely hyperactive and impulsive (running around, throwing things, getting in people’s faces, shouting, breaking things, being physical) to explosively emotional, crying and wailing at the tiniest thing and screaming at anyone who even looks at him the wrong way.

He never wants to do anything after pre school. Just go home. But home is just horrendous like this!

Does anyone have any tips for managing this? He has a massive snack at pick up so I don’t think it’s hunger. I’ve tried setting out quiet activities but he’s just not interested. It’s like everything just needs to explode out.

It's really hard to be good all day so they let go when they feel safe. We often went for a walk or to the park with a snack, drink and let them run around. I had three and two of them were like this. Two of my grandchildren are the same. If the weather is okay I'll do the park on the way home to my house.

What does the massive snack consist of? Could be the cause of the unruly behaviour. My son used to be like that. I cut out anything with artificial flavours/colours. After school he could have a glass of milk and 2 chocolate digestive biscuits. I also kept meals to simple cook from scratch. His hyperactivity and behaviour improved dramatically.

Thanks @justasking111. Did they grow out of it okay?

@Froniga I’ll generally meet him out of school with a banana then after we cycle home he’ll have a crumpet with peanut butter, some grapes and some cheese. Something like that. He doesn’t have much sugar really aside from fruit which he could eat all day if left unchecked!

I think the over tiredness manifests itself in different ways. Dd is nearly 3.5 my god that period between 3pm and bedtime is just a nightmare. She’s either crying or she’s having a tantrum. I do lots of snacks, blowing bubbles in the garden, a bath ( often I get in with her if she doesn’t want to get in). The bath tends to calm her down so often I’ll do that quite early in the evening

I find not asking too many questions, a big snack and plonking in front of the tv for a few episodes of bluey seems to do the trick. If I try to do an activity she is feral until after a bit of down time

I'd give a smaller snack in front of the TV (or while reading to him or whatever will help him chill), then an earlier dinner, earlier bath (if he finds the bath relaxing I'd make it a long one) and early to bed.

He just sounds over stimulated and overtired.

Ds is the same. He gets dinner as soon as he comes home from school & bed between 5:15-6pm.

They do outgrow it. Then they become slothy vampires who love their bed 😂

Sounds like he's just overwhelmed and overstimulated and he is desperate to get to his safe place with his safe people and let it all out.
It's hard to suggest anything as it's mostly trial and error but I hope it gets better.
Also I know it's hard but try not to get triggered by it, when kids are like this they often can't even listen or control themselves.
Also it's worth talking to the teachers in case there's anything underlying that they might be picking up on.eg neurodiversity. If so he can get extra support and adjustments to make it easier for everyone. Good luck!

Have DD 4. She can also be very emotional after school. As above I find a snack, drink and 20 mins of TV helpful x