How do I nurture an academically gifted child?

[avarteayaya]

He is only 5, so I'm aware things could change.

His school have told me he is gifted, and significantly ahead of his peers. But they have been pretty crap in explaining how I can help meet his needs and develop his "gift".

I want him to be able to reach his full potential.

I'd really appreciate any insight, I don't want to let him down!

Access to books, follow his interests, talk about anything and everything. My daughter was like this at five, at age three she was interested in the theory of evolution. She's levelled out a bit, (now nearly 16) still incredibly bright but not considered gifted.

Read, read, read
Encourage curiosity
Think about the breadth of knowledge rather than depth - museums, library, cooking, art and craft, nature, Lego, science
Be led by him - what is he interested in?

But he is 5yo - let him have fun!

Give these three things equal importance:

Keep him engaged academically with loads of books, maybe trips to museums of things that genuinely interest him. Ask and answer questions about the world - what things are, how they work, etc. Don't hothouse reading writing or maths - take his lead on these.

Work hard at socialising him. Exceptionally bright children often scare off their peers or prefer adult company, and it can become a lonely and isolating special need, if you are top of the class all the time and bored or teased by your peers as you get older. Counter this by making sure he has a lot in common with his peers - goes to cubs, watches cartoons, has classmates over for tea etc. and keep this going as much as possible into juniors and secondary, maybe with scouting or music or drama or sport.

Make sure he's physically fit. My DC were very academic and not naturally sporty. TBH DH and I are the same, so I had to put effort in to ensure they learned to ride bikes and to swim, and coaxed them to join tag rugby. Left to their own devices they'd have preferred a book.

The social side of things is the biggest determiner for success in the workplace later on. All the degrees in the world don't make someone employable if they are not socially at ease, so don't underestimate the importance of this for his future happiness.

This is such good advice.

Don't get too hung up on the idea of his giftedness and don't ever let it define him. He might well be very bright, but he is so more than just his IQ.

Give him plenty of access to new experiences and opportunities to learn. Encourage him to explore his interests. Have lots of discussions about lots of different things. And give him plenty of access to books etc, talk with him about what he's reading and so on.

But also, pay attention to the other areas of his development. Make sure that he is developing really good social skills and learning to get on with other people. This will make an enormous difference to his happiness and wellbeing in the years ahead.

Also, find some stuff that he likes but isn't good at and give him opportunities where he has to strive and persevere at something. And learn how to fail... very clever kids don't always get this opportunity, and it's really important that they develop some resilience and learn not to fear failure, as this can really hold them back as they get older.

Teach him to value positive qualities other than his giftedness so that his whole identity doesn't get wrapped up in this....otherwise it may be a shock to the system if he eventually finds himself in an environment where everyone is as clever as he is and the giftedness is no longer very relevant.

And keep your own feet on the ground. It's easy to be in awe of a very gifted child... they can be remarkable. In some cases, they will carry on being remarkable throughout their lives. In others, things might level out as they get older. Either way is OK, because every child is amazing in their own way. Make sure that you are focused on the whole child and not just this one little aspect of who they actually are.

This is good advice.

Agree about trying to keep the social side active. Encouraging reading is great, but bookworms can cut themselves off a bit.

find out what they are good at non- academically and encourage that. My DD is also gifted at music and encouraging choir has been great also socially. We tried sports, it didn’t work, but there are alternatives.

Listen to the news or news based podcasts together ( in the car works well). Natural curiosity will mean conversation goes in interesting directions.

Lots of chatting to him, play chess or cards or board games as often as possible, encourage him to develop his interests and enable him to follow them. Think about starting a musical instrument

Excellent advice. Get him interested in sport, teamwork, activities etc. It’s not all about schoolwork.

Great advice here. I have teenage boys, not particularly academically gifted but at a v academic school. They have friends or school peers who are much more academic. The all rounders like them that play sport have more friends and are much more well-balanced and appear happier. They seem to handle the stress of GCSEs etc better than some of the boys who are on academic/musical/sporting scholarships as well. Stress, burnout and, sadly, suicide rear their heads in their academically selective school from time to time and it is the v clever boys that fall apart when they get a B or only a merit in a music exam that suffer most ime. Teaching resilience is the best thing you can do for your kid imo. Bright ones will be fine academically anyway.

You don’t need to do more school work or think about school work at home. I was very clever (immodestly still am - got the highest first in my year at imperial without breaking a sweat, got a PhD, etc). My parents never once even looked at my homework. What they did do was take me to all sorts of events and galleries and outings and plays and had lots and lots of conversations at home

Don't get too smug. I am not saying you are now, but don't become smug.

In the long run, it doesn't help your child if you become one of those parents so convinced about the superiority of their child, they become blinded and accuse everyone to be jealous.

This is crucial. A bright child who doesn't see getting a B as a sign of personal failure will thrive better than one who iturns himself into a quivering wreck to get straight A+s just to feel okay.

DS used to laugh at me when he went to uni as everyone else's parents asked if they were studying hard and I only asked how many parties he'd been to. I knew he was studying hard, I kept tabs on his fun ratio. He is very academic indeed but has learned to balance that with sport, music and a strong social life.

I have twins, one of my girls is like this and the other definitely is not lol

My friend also had a very very gifted boy, and to be honest, socially they made sure he did lots of clubs, football, tennis, swimming etc as they realised that they needed to balance the academia abilities with his social abilities. It definitely paid off, he's got a great set of friends now that he's had for years and years and it instilled a love for maths (which he particularly specialised in) as well as exercise and being sociable

Just treat him like a normal child.

Learning a musical instrument is a great idea as it will teach him discipline and perseverance (which he may not ever need to develop through schoolwork) and open up social opportunities down the line.

My gifted child is now at Uni.
What I’ve learnt is

Do not think school is going to bend backward for them to teach at their level. They say they are but they won’t.

Push your dc to do a sport or learn an instrument. It’s the best way for them to learn that to succeed you need to work at it.

Reward effort. Always effort rather than results. And ensure they always do their homework as well as they can (as well getting the resukts you think they ought to get)

Carry on being curious. Give them books, Tv programs, museums, talk about what’s around you etc…. Involve them in discussions, even when you think the subject is ‘too adult’ for them (my dc had really interesting insights on poverty for example. He was about your dc age). Did I say books?

Remember great results isn’t a synonym to intelligence. And the other way around.
You can have a really gifted child that isn’t doing at school! Esp as they go into secondary.
Some dc feel they shouldnt need to do any work (because everything came easily to them so why should they suddenly have to do that?!?)
Some are bored and give up engaging.
But the reality is that they still need to learn some stuff.

Dc is now telling me what is making the difference here, what keeps him going is his ego. He simply refuses to have less than great grades. Something he was not that fussed about when he was doing his A levels lol.

Do not put all your focus on their abilities. Push the social side. To appreciate and respect people for who they are rather than on their results/abilities/knowledge.

Let them be a child!

Support him in exploring his interests independently from school and good socialisation, time playing outside, strong happy family life, no pressure.

I was considered ‘academically gifted’ and I’ve gone on to have a good life, got a PhD, interesting career, etc.

But so many of my peers just crashed and burned in their 20s. So much pressure, so much anxiety, poor social skills, poor life skills (like can’t cook pasta), many went quite off the rails.

What helped me was a healthy social life, supportive family, money for travel and education to explore my interests, and opportunities for independent learning (reading on topics that interested me, visiting places related to those interests, etc). Honestly, at this age, it’s just playing and be a kid. But private school, school enrichment trips, university, travel/gap year, having the funding to pursue higher education without killing myself working 50 hours a week was what really helped, so saving money now for the future would be wise.

I would just treat them as you would any other child, but make sure they have access to things they are interested in. I was told similar about my dd at the same age, she was obsessed with reading esp Greek Myths and historical stuff so we bought books about those for her. We also encouraged her to do non academic things like ballet, tennis etc (luckily she liked those things!)

Most of all we never heaped any expectation on her or made any kind of deal out of it. She was always top of the class and then went on to an academic secondary school which was very much into encouraging all rounders, so she threw herself into all sorts there (still worked reasonably hard and got top grades in everything, but didn't do that to the exclusion of her social/sporting life). We did impress on her as exams were looming that it was not important to get A*s in everything as that way can lie madness but she is a determined little bugger, and naturally bright and ambitious so she did anyway.

Interestingly my parents were told the same about me, I was given all the same opportunities and really excelled in primary but fell of a cliff academically when I went to secondary school as I was too interested in other things, also I think I would have been dx with ADHD if it had been a thing then as my attention span was appalling (still is!). So it's not a given that this will result in anything exceptional academically!

Let him learn a musical instrument - it's excellent for teaching resilience!

Look at opportunities for sports and team work.

Prioritise his social development over his academic development at this stage.

Take him to the library, choose his own books and research his own interests.

Lots of children start off gifted but then average out by secondary school.

My advice would be to encourage curiosity, have books and games available, and apart from that don’t treat him any differently.

Amongst my now adult children’s school cohort were several who were gifted, most were then hot housed by eager parents, most reached university and had breakdowns. The pressure from such an early age was too much for them.

Teach them curiosity and drive. Discourage rote learning. So many exceptionally bright people I have known have struggled past school when you go from being rewarded for regurgitation of facts the needing to be able to apply information and then do something new.
Reward creativity. I work in science which you might think is far from the creative world but it is the most important skill. Facts can always be looked up, taking two bits of information and speculating about how you could join them up and then test the theory. That requires very different skills to those recognised by schools as gifted. Some of the most successful and gifted adults I know were not gifted children but in childhood they learnt grit and determination and that can change the world

Learning to apply knowledge is so so important. Plus as others have said being a rounded person

Gifted sounds great but you are right to question how to use the information.
Side from the fact that being ahead is itself an additional need, sometimes it can either hide or come along with additional difficulties under the surface.
It's actually part of the schools remit to deal with additional needs whether they are through being ahead or behind.
I would speak to the senco or teacher at school and ask about the possibility of your child being seen by the educational psychologist.
They may be in favour or against the idea but it's definitely a question to ask.
If the school agrees, the EP will see your child and talk to you and the teachers and build up a recommendation and narrative that will be a good starting point to support him both in and out of school.
In our case it included some things like providing materials at the right level for him, but also giving him appropriate support with difficulties.
Once your child has paperwork, it means you have a good starting point for getting extra materials.

Ensure he gets academically challenged. If school work is super easy through primary and early secondary it can be a shock when the work does eventually get harder and the work ethic may not be developed enough to deal with it.

Agree @AegonT
Its hard to instill a good ‘work ethic’ when things come so naturally to the chikd that they never need to make any effort at all.

Inspire an interest in the world through books, art, news, travel and music. Play sport and an instrument. Encourage social skills. Being well rounded and not just academic is important. Being curious is important. He may well be seen as gifted now but he will meet and learn with those that are more academic so important to realise he may not always be top of the tree. My very bright ds has definitely benefited from a wide knowledge base and an ability that show interest in many different things. He is definitely not bookish! Let him explore learning in interesting and different ways. I agree with others schools do not always meet their needs.