parental responsibility

[briarrose]

Hi all,

Anyone else think that there is a huge decline in parental responsibility in our society now? I am thinking that this is in part due to all the measurements the government has put in place to try and "protect" our children, and this has led to parents not really feeling like they can bring children up how they choose to anymore, and lacking the confidence. I think the cotton wool culture also doesn't help, too many parents are depriving their children of experiences because of the fear that something may happen to them, or that they will be accused of being neglectful parents. Statistically children are no more at risk than they were 30 years ago.

Saying all that, I get nervous when my kids are out playing, so where is the balance? and how can we give parents back power and confidence.

I don't think all these programmes on TV help, and all these "be a fab parent" books either

Phew! big rant there folks!!! need a sit down now!

I do agree Briarose, and what annoys me too is that you're not allowed to tell off other people's kids any more when out and about, as the adults will often take the kids's side and see it as none of your business. When I was young, any adult would tell you off for being naughty and there was some respect there. Nowadays kids just answer back or tell you you can't tell them what to do - no respect, think they know it all, yet they're just children in adult's clothes. Makes me worried for the future really, but I guess I am just getting old. One more rant: I see kids who are aggressive and violent, and their parents have done fxxxx all about it. I have an autistic boy who has very little speech or understanding. Yet I had taught him by 4 not to be aggressive in any way. If I can teach him, who doesn't have the gift of speech, then why can't these other parents pull their finger out. If you change behaviour patterns before 5, you've changed them for good (or so I read). No wonder kids are growing up criminalised. All this children-centred education and "culture of entitlement" means kids think "I'm worth it" even when they are putting in zero effort or kindness. Ok, rant over.

I think the problem is that parents of my generation (I'm 42) are caught between the old fashioned upbringing we had, when there were very clear rules, and you faced the consequences of your actions; and the culture that has sprung up as we have got older. The kids know their rights, but don't want to hear about their responsibilities, and there are no sanctions scary enough to stop them. What scares me is that these kids will grow into the adults running our society when I'm a pensioner. That is a very scary thought.

I think for teachers it must be the worst - as they have no sanctions at all that mean anything to kids any more. You put it very well: the kids know their rights but don't want to hear about their responsiblities. I remember asking my son's school what they intended to do to back up my home techniques when my DS showed aggression at school (he's autistic). They refused all my suggestions, refused even to tell him "no hitting", as it was "too negative", and their only suggestion was "we will praise him when he's NOT hitting". Then I knew for sure that the world has gone mad - he was at that stage non-verbal by the way, so praise for not hitting would be entirely useless and meaningless to him! People have forgotten that kids aren't mini-adults, they are unformed beings who need guidance, discipline and training. I would never hit or support hitting of a child, but something needs to be in place as a punishment.Take their facebook accounts away for misbehaviour? Name and shame on Bebo - no, even that wouldn't work, as like ASBOs they'd become a mark of pride! Rant over!

I think its a combination of lazy parenting and parents seeing less of kids because of work. Parents want to be friends with there kids because thats easier than taking responsibility and enforcing disipline. They get home from work and want to play and have fun, so they tell little Johnny not to worry about that detention from school and ignore x behaviour, then when Johnny is 15 and going out drinking they hold there hands up and say what can I do? I have no idea why he's like this, or how to stop it and surely he'll grow out of it? What will happen when Johnny is 25? Still at home getting hand outs from mummy and daddy?

As a teacher its this constant expectation that they should be entertained constantly and not be allowed to be bored that wears me down sometimes, when I was young we expected most lessons to be dull, the reward was doing well in exams at the end of it all, now children need instant gratification all the time, the behaviour in exam halls constantly shocks me, they just can't sit still!!

Kids aren't allowed to 'fail' now either. I understand accentuating the positive, but at dd's school last summer they gave a concert and it was dire. There were the kids who were learning guitar whose guitars were out of tune to start with and couldn't even strum. There were the kids who played recorder, one of which was good and the rest just squawked. There were the kids who played the keyboards who didn't know where to put their hands for the first notes and went on to appalling shambles. The choir was OK, the singing club just did some stupid kiddy 'rap' type stuff (and couldn't get it right). I could go on but I don't want to think about it. It was really really grim (and embarrassing - no wonder dd didn't want anything to do with it).

None of them have anything to work towards, no goal, as they get up on stage, do crap, get a clap. It's no wonder some of those kids on X Factor argue with the judges "you're wrong, everyone says I'm great". No you're crap, but no one's allowed to tell you you're crap.

agree that it must be terrible for teachers nowadays who cannot always rely on parental support

also agree scaryteacher about being caught between two generations (I'm 44 this yr)

I'm VERY keen on children being polite, respectful etc but at same time don't want to parent in the same authoritarian way my mother did (try - except in emergency situations - to always explain "why" I'm saying no for example ...)

... and saying "no" of course is just so much harder and more time-consuming than saying "yes" and we all have less time and energy nowadays because we work (or we think we have less time anyway!!).

I'm definitely someone whose permanently anxious about whether I'm being too strict or too lenient ...

barnstaple, here. here!!!!!

Yes Islamum, I do sympathise with you over that too. I am appalled that in year 4 they are still learning their tables. We recited them over and over from reception every single day. Boring yes. Do I still know them? Yes. My mum at 83 can still recite her tables.

Boredom is an important part of life. Every job you do will have boring bits. Learn to deal with it. Boredom gives you space to assimilate new stuff and reflect. Without we will turn into unthinking unaware, oh I've got to stop, this is becoming a rant

i have leanrt that there are two types of (failure) parents.those that when you tell them what their brats are up to, either 1. say oh no little 'brat' would never do a thing like that you must be mistakn or 2.give you a mouthfull of abuse that makes you see eactly where theri little git gets the charm from
they dont teach them morals or respect because they cant teach them what they dont have themselves.