Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

4 year old copying bad behaviour

6 replies

indesicive · 03/07/2024 10:53

So as the title says really, we have a very close family friend who's lo is the same age as ours (just 4). My lo has never been challenging in terms of anger, tantrums, defiance etc. He has been challenging in other ways but not behaviour related.

Our family friends lo has always been very challenging, angry, tantrums, hitting biting and kicking parents and also my lo. My lo has been on the receiving end of a lot of the anger. My lo is always corrected for bad behaviour and made to apologise to people etc, but he very rarely does things to upset other children. Unfortunately our friends lo isn't always.

They spend a lot of time together, after they've been together I've noticed in the last month my lo's behaviour is terrible. Copying phrases, bratty behaviour, angry, tantruming. Our friends lo threw a chair at him, he now has begun throwing chairs.

He never really used to copy any of the behaviour only very rarely, it's only been in the past month ish. I hate parents who blame others for their kids bad behaviour putting it down to 'copying'. So is this even possible he's copying? Or is he just going through a bit of a change himself?

Really don't know what to do here!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Florin · 07/07/2024 11:06

I would meet up with adults only for a bit. I had a friend where our parenting really didn’t align and I found it hard having my child around theirs so we met up just as adults for a few years, now the kids are older it is now fine as my child is an age where they know what is ok and understands different parents parent differently and different expectations.

Imisssleep2 · 07/07/2024 16:35

Of course children copy each other. No we can't and shouldn't blame other children for our own child's behaviour but for example my son came home from pre school one day and started spitting, well I can assure you he didn't learn this from anyone in our house, so assume he did at school, but after some stern words and some confiscated toys he stopped it in a coupl of weeks, he knows it is wrong now and the consequences of he does it.

It is inevitable kids will learn these things from each other. Kids will copy others at school, younger siblings copy from older ones and take to school etc, it's how you deal with and manage it that matters. Kids need to be taught right from wrong and until they do these things sometimes it can be hard to explain what is and isn't acceptable

GoFigure235 · 07/07/2024 16:58

I wouldn't get too caught up on your child 'copying' other children. At school, they'll be exposed to all sorts. So you either correct the behaviour now and reinforce to your child that it is unacceptable or they'll pick up on it at school anyway (and ime it progresses from physical behaviour to saying unkind things/name-calling). A big part of how children learn (both positive and negative things) is through imitation. And tbh it's not the worst thing in the world that he's testing the boundaries and learning where they are.

That said, I wouldn't have the patience to spend a lot of time with someone else's child who is essentially left to run riot and who is aggressive towards my own child, so I'd probably see that friend a lot less.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Marblessolveeverything · 07/07/2024 17:19

Why on earth are you keeping them in the company of each other? Simply advise the chair throws were the final straw and you are keeping them apart.

Gemst199 · 07/07/2024 22:14

Copying, or acting out because it's stressful to be on your best behaviour when your 'friend' is lashing out at you and behaving badly, so by the time he's at home in his safe space all that tension overflows into bad behaviour.
Either way, I would probably cut back on contact for now - presumably they both start school in September so things will change a lot then anyway.

Iseeyoupekingduck · 07/07/2024 22:20

The more your child sees this behaviour the more they will try and copy it I would avoid contact.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page