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The passing of time - do you imagine your child/ren as adults?

22 replies

WideWebWitch · 10/12/2002 20:31

Looking at ds as I talked to him in bed tonight I was really struck by the miracle of him and was trying to imagine what he?ll be like when he's grown up. I just can't imagine it - what he'll do, how he'll look. Will he be happy? Will he remember all these lovely (and some not so lovely, of course) moments we have? I suppose it's partly his age - at 5, he's growing sooo fast and seems so old sometimes. I just thought, where's my baby gone? I don't know, I just had a moment of sadness as well as pride and love. Not a question really, just wondered if anyone else felt like this. Do you imagine them as adults? Do you wish they didn't have to grow up sometimes IYKWIM? Suedonim, what's it like, when they do?

OP posts:

janh · 10/12/2002 21:47

Yes, yes, yes, www, all the time! All those thoughts. My baby is 9.5 now, still lovable and huggable and still a child, but not much longer and he says grown-uppish things now too - they make me laugh but make me sad as well.

Following on from my recollection of DD2's classic performance of Mary (dropping baby Jesus on his head) I got the appropriate photo album out today and showed her all the pictures when she came home from school and she just kept saying "weren't we sweet, what a lovely little family!" (But she doesn't remember the lovely little family any more than she remembers dropping baby Jesus - mind you she dropped DS2 down the stairs at the dentist when he was a baby, boy does she remember that!!!!)

DD1 is more or less grown up now - she'll be 21 in April - and I can't actually remember her being small - just have the images from photos and videos. It is lovely to see them becoming proper people, and hearing other people describe them as eg "such a lovely girl", but she was such a dear little thing - as was DD2, in her own peculiar way - I do miss them too!

There was a "remembering" thread on here recently, wasn't there, most of us seemed to only really remember the traumatic stuff, although my kids do have some lovely happy memories, mostly from holidays and other special occasions (the day-to-day stuff tends to fade).

I guess it's all part of life's rich tapestry...


Tortington · 10/12/2002 23:10

i do all the time, i am sure that my youngest son will be a tree surgeon - nothing to do with a great love of trees but more to do with how high he can climb up them - coupled with a very dangerous chainsaw - should be "jacob heaven"


sobernow · 10/12/2002 23:17

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sobernow · 10/12/2002 23:26

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bossykate · 11/12/2002 00:29

yes, www, blub, sniff, sob! we are currently investigating digital cameras and video as i can't bear to let those memories just vanish... sometimes when they're "difficult" it's so tempting to wish the time away, but really it all goes in a flash! it is like the baby he once was has just gone...

i sometimes feel my entire parenting efforts are geared towards teaching him to learn to live without me - which of course they are...

i'm trying to enjoy it while i can, not easy some days!


slug · 11/12/2002 10:45

Given the sluglet's propensity to gravitate to the loudest, most boisterous boys, we are already having visions of motorbikes and black leather when she's a teenager.


bundle · 11/12/2002 11:35

we watched some home movies with dd yesterday, seeing her all chubby last christmas, aged 18 mths, was a bit of a tear jerker - and she enjoyed it too. she already wears her 'old woman' head sometimes and I can imagine her being a real mixture of serious thinker/funloving teenager


sobernow · 11/12/2002 12:02

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suedonim · 11/12/2002 14:04

WWW, dealing with the children growing up hasn't bothered me too much because there's always been another one appearing on the horizon! It is't as if children go to bed as a child one night and wake up as an adult the next morning, it's a gradual process. Also, we're a pretty tightknit family so we still have a close relationship with our adult children although other people I know have children whose lives are almost completely separate. In general, it seems to me that if you have a close relationshp with your children when they are young it will survive into the grown-up years, which bring their own pleasures. It's part of the bittersweetness of parenthood.


aloha · 11/12/2002 14:19

I have just loved every stage of the first 15 months (aside from the colic, and the ten times a night waking actually) but he's been so gorgeous. I do fantasise about him as an adult all the time - thinking about how he'll look and how tall he'll be.I also think about his being five or ten and what we'll do together, and how I want to show him the Blue Whale at the Natural History Museum and so many other things. For me, that's part of the fun. I know his babyhood is vanishing and that's sad, but I am enjoying his walking and exploring and his new words all the time. And he's always got a cute new trick to amuse us with. It's racing by though.


bells2 · 11/12/2002 14:40

I find watching old video's really very sad and also find it a bit confusing looking at DS at the same age as DD as I can't really remember him being like that.

I do however often think about what mine will be like in the future. I always get a mental imagine of my 13 month old daughter being plump, wearing a white lab coat and sensible shoes and doing something incredibly dull in physics. I see my son turning puce, throwing his telephone through his computer screen and behaving just like the spoilt (male) brats I work with!.


elliott · 11/12/2002 14:40

One of the things that makes me sad about being a parent is all the uncharitable things I thought/said to my parents when I was growing up - I just had no idea how much they must have loved me!! And can't bear the idea of ds feeling the same about me, although it is inevitable, and I'm sure we will come through it. I get on quite well with my parents now!


CookieMonster · 11/12/2002 14:53

Yes, I often look at 21 month old dd and wonder .... sometimes with stunned shock at how fast the time is going and sometimes with awe at the sheer miracle of her (IVF attempt no 6!).

I try to imagine what she'll be like when she's grown up but find that I have no idea and just end up hoping that she will be happy and healthy and confident.

We have a digital camera which has been used a great deal and looking back I can't believe how much she has changed already. The camera also records small amounts of film and these are great to watch at a later date. If I had my time again, I would definitely get a camcorder (and that despite hating other people who have them - especially on holiday!)


Lil · 11/12/2002 16:34

Elliot I think the same - how can we stop our children from despairing of us!! Its not like I wear clashing clothes and play Cliff Richard (!)


susanmt · 11/12/2002 23:39

I never thought of mine as adults till I read this thread. Going on current trends, DD (2yrs 10 months) will be an interior designed (what do you think is the right colour, Mummy? The pale blue or the torkis? (turquoise)) and ds will be a mountaineer (found him at TOP of stairs this morning, all 10 months of him). Hey, there are worse things to be.


sis · 12/12/2002 17:05

Oh www, at every stage of ds's life dh and I have thought he waas so wonderful that he should be 'frozen' at that age but he goes on to get even better at the next stage! I can certainly empathise with mums who think that no woman is good enough for their son (hopefully, I will restrain and possibly retrain myself when the time comes!)


SimonHoward · 21/12/2002 08:39


My DW is only 10 months old and already I have started seeing her as I hope she will grow.

It's a really scary thing and it makes me feel so old.


Rhubarb · 21/12/2002 15:04

I think there was one day when it just dawned on me that dd could no longer be called a 'baby'. That was quite hard. You don't realise they are growing up so fast, it just seems to hit you one day. Now dd is a little girl (2.6) and I sometimes grieve for the baby she used to be - does that sound odd? At each new stage, although I'm pleased she's making progress and all of that, I'm also aware that a part of her is being lost forever. And yes, it does make me feel old too!


Hilary · 21/12/2002 22:26

SimonHoward, your DW is 10 months old?? I think not!


SimonHoward · 22/12/2002 20:26


DD not DW.

Better not tell DW I said she was 10 months old. She'll want me to look after her as well as DD instead of working.


SimonHoward · 22/12/2002 20:29


I know what you mean.

My sweet little bundle of fun has transformed into a whirling dervish in a baby walker and at 10 months old (DD not DW) has already given up on her deactivated remote controls as she has worked out that they do not change the TV (she now wants only the real ones) and now crys and screams if we don't let her try to work out how ot open/close doors and lock/unlock them with keys.

And they say that things get worse before they get better


Batters · 23/12/2002 12:02

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