Am I alone with a 4yr who doesn't listen?

[megw89]

For some reason tonight has been the most difficult. Nothing different than usual same old story asking her 6-7 times to go brush teeth and get ready for bed then 6-7 times to actually go upstairs.

Is this just me? Am I doing something wrong with how I'm asking? I actually sat her down tonight let her see me get upset and said I can't do this anymore something needs to change :(

Crickey you’re well ahead of me.
I still have to physically do these things for my 4yo, even down to fetching his toothbrush and physically dressing him.

Just to add, I don’t think getting her to feel guilt by seeing you upset will do anything productive in this situation.
If they’re not doing what we ask, it’s because they can’t or because we’re not asking right. They’re still so young.

Ae four they can understand explain what they need to do and why. And if you are upset they should understand that too.

I have to ask our almost 5 year old repeatedly to do something before he does it. His attention span is appalling.

I don’t think it’s uncommon though

Gently op, it's really normal.

She's 4, her attention span isn't great so stuff like getting dressed, brushing teeth will need to be supervised, reminded etc. In fact dentists advise brushing your child's teeth or at least very closely supervising until about 6/7 years old, to ensure they're doing it properly.

I know it's a drag but it will pay off eventually. My son is 4.5 and omg the constant reminders to put things back, hold hands crossing roads, use please and thank you blah blah blah but it is actually sinking in and he does alot of it without prompting now (on a good day!) so I'm sure in time he'll be perfectly capable of getting ready for bed without too much intervention but 4 is a very normal age for needing "support" let's say!

I don't really see what "sitting her down so she can see how upset you are" is meant to achieve to be honest.

I spend all day with 4 year olds. They're absolutely full on all day. By the evening when they're with their families they are exhausted. It's coming the end of a long term of nursery or school. They're still little.
Mine didn't listen at that age either.

Not alone, I wouldn't go too heavy on the "it needs to change" type thing you mentioned. If I did that my kid would smirk at me and do it even more!!

I find the number one most helpful thing for my kid in these situations is to make it a game somehow. Can you get dressed before me/this song finishes etc. or an electric toothbrush with favourite character on. It could also just be you need to help with those things for a bit longer? Even then it a BATTLE!!! Sometimes I'll supervise everything if it's taking a millennia for her to get sorted. If we are in a mega hurry I just get her dressed etc.

Thanks all, I do supervise her doing her teeth and everything of course I do and I didn't by any means set out to make her see me upset but I got upset and she understands feelings.

Good to know, it less a me thing and more an age thing though so that's appreciated. Maybe its just one of those days for me and its just got to me harden than it normally does I don't know

It's hard work, they don't do things just because you ask! Your voice is just background noise at that age!
If you're getting upset, something needs to change with you, not your child, as it's your feeling. Presumably your child is happy waiting until the 7th time.

My tip would be to use the word "otherwise" at the end of every sentence that you ask something.
So "clean your teeth please, you need to start now otherwise I will (something)"
Then you are putting control on yourself for the things you can decide and vice versa for your child.
So for bedtime it could be lights out at 6.30pm. Clean your teeth now otherwise you will have less time to read a book together. You can even set a timer to end at 6.30pm.
If it gets to 6.30pm then put your child in bed with clothes still on, teeth unbrushed and no book read.
Then if they are upset of course comfort them, you can only control your boundary, not their feeling about it. But you can comfort them and help them.
Good luck!

Get stuck in with her and do it together, if it’s not happening solo and yes to doing her teeth.
sticker charts and rewards may work if she can get changed without you having to keep asking

They do get better, unfortunately I have a 13 year old who's the same as they seem to revert in teenage years 😕. At lest toddlers are cute 😍. Mine is just a big smelly lump (I'm joking he's lovely really 💙).

But I totally get your frustration, I thinknthey run out of steam after being at school all day and can no longer process instructions 🙃. And that seems to apply at any age, especially towards the end of a term.

She’s 4 - expect her to act like an ass hole.

I have a nearly 8 year old that can act like an asshole at bedtime.

Ive found that when my kids are being particularly assholery they get passed it much quicker if I stop what I’m doing, hug them, stroke their hair, ask them about their day it’s a massive pain in the ass if I’m tired and already frazzled but it works

Aw she's still so little. Ask her once and then take her to do it. She can't manage it herself at that age without you having a go afterwards to get in all the fiddly bits in any case.

I have a 3.5 year old like this. We have a star chart with which we’ve had some success.

She's 4!! She simply can't do everything on her own and can't remember long sequences of instructions.

[memories of asking my 4 yo to get dressed and coming into her room 5 minutes later to find her lying on her bed completely naked except for the socks she had put on all by herself]

You're expecting too much of her, she's 4.

You’re not alone OP, my 4yo doesn’t listen and I’m finding it really tough