How do I boost DS's confidence?

[MrsSnape]

My 9 year old son suffers from dyspraxia so anything physical is quite difficult for him. He doesn't make friends easily (currently has no proper friends, just people who "allow" him to talk to them when they feel like it ) and he is no good at sports.

Thing is, at 9...ALL the boys love sports and most are very good at them.

DS started karate a year ago and he has graded a couple of times but he is no "natural" at it, it has improved his confidence and he continues to improve but in all honesty he is not going to be reaching black belt any time soon!

He cannot play football full stop.

He loves swimming however and I used to take him once a week and he was improving but still could not swim, even with arm bands on. Anyway I stupidly decided to boost him up with "wow, you're so good at swimming!" etc and he ended up thinking he could actually swim

Yesterday his year started their school swimming lessons and he was so excited and kept going on about how everyone would see how good he was at swimming and I just didn't have the heart to tell him needless to say he came home upset and after getting in the car he slammed the door and said "I can't swim!" Apparantly the class was split into 3 groups, non swimmers, those on the way there and good swimmers. He was in the lower group whilst the majority of the class were in the other two groups, including the boy that picks on him anyway.

Later on we were watching that program about the autistic artist and he was amazed and said "how come he has autism but can still draw like that?" so I told him that everyone has something they are good at, autism doesn't change that" and so he snapped "oh, and what am I good at then?" and I didn't have an answer he struggles with so much...

In the end I said he was good at computers, acting and 'rocking' (he's a determined future rock star lol).

But back to seriousness, how do you deal with this? when he is constantly being told by the brats at school that he's no good at anything and then he finds out for himself that this seems to be true...what can you do?

I know a boy like this at my school. He joined my chess club and became the school champion within the year. He beat the coolest kid in his year( who is good at everything!) and it boosted his confidence no end. His mum has spoken to me about his self-esteem and how much it has improved, and given him the confidence to try other things.

Think what I'm saying is that there will be something that your ds will excel at- so boost this. He's well on his way with his computers etc Can't get much cooler than being a rock star- but by beating the other kids at something will make him shine in his own eyes- which is the most important.

My dd tried a million different things before she found something to shine at!

Its funny you should mention chess...I taught him how to play last year and he learnt the rules fully within two days. Now, I can't beat him and he beats his grandma and loves to play...unfortunately our school won't entertain the idea of a chess club as the kids arnt interested and there is not enough staff and there wouldn't be any call for it anyway ... 'apparantly'.

Our school tends to favour the popular "I'm the next wayne rooney" types

That's a pity- he sounds a natural. I'm not very good at chess, but can get a game and maintain a certain mystique by refusing to play the kids(only cos they'll beat me!!) What about a local club- they are very welcoming to kids and are always looking for new recruits. Loads of studies to show how chess is good for thinking skills rather than whambam games on xbox etc.
The other thing I thought about was his drama. dd was in a drama club - all good etc, but the teacher decided one year to offer exams from LAMDA. Anyway dd did this and got a fab mark- this was the real thing that changed her confidence- even more so when she found out she'd scored higher than a girl who was an actor on tv in the club. She's never going to win an oscar but it really helped her confidence.
Her thing now is swimming. She's good- but there's loads better than her. The club prides itself on being a family club, and although they want the kids to do well in competitions etc it's not what it's all about.

Again, I think what I'm saying that being in a club with kids with similar interests might be the thing for him- it worked for my dd. Only thing is now is finding something.

He has asked (or begged!) me for drama lessons before, I think its time I looked into it as it really sounds like it could be "his kind of thing". He's always overly animated and we always call him a drama king because the slightest thing with his is blown into a massive thing lol ...

Even when he's singing along to my chemical romance, he doesn't just hold a cupped hand to his mouth and pretend to have a mic like most kids would, he goes mental and started throwing himself around, jumping up and down, holding the "mic" out for "the crowd" the sing along, lying on the floor holding his heart at the "emo" bits etc...it really is a good show to watch lol

My DS1 is very unsporty and gets upset about it. However he is good at the academic stuff.

The other day he was upset about being the slowest runner in the class. I told him the usual stuff about how even in the 100 metres final in the Olympics, someone has to come last... to no real effect. Then I mentioned again that I was the slowest in my class too, then asked him "how often do you think I have to run a race now I am grown up?" He couldn't answer.

When I told him that I never had to run a race ever, in fact I never have to do any sports at all, BUT I have to use English and Maths every day so it's far more important to be good at those - he brightened up quite a lot.

Till the next time, of course

I think you could try to look out opportunities to develop his interests that aren't in school, like the chess and drama. If people are being rotten to you at school, just for being you, then it can really help to have another environment where you ARE valued and can enjoy being yourself - it helps you realise that it is not YOU, its THEM and that means that things can be different (I speak from personal experience here!!)

Or, is it drastic enough to consider a different school?? If he's not even valued by the teachers?

My little boy is six and he is very weak at anything physical. I find it helps my son to praise his progress rather than than pretending he is good at something he is not.

My son really benefitted from having one to one swimming lessons. It is expensive at £16 a week, but children make really rapid progress with one to one swimming lessons. My son got no where with group lessons as he could not hear what the teacher was saying. He is partially deaf and cannot wear hearing aids when swimming.

Prehaps worth contacting the dyspraxia association to see if he can meet childen who have similar problems to him.

www.dyspraxiafoundation.org.uk/